Miscellaneous: Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in...

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom told me that she heard me and my best friend in my room grunting and talking about how hard we were. She said she loved me and accepted me no matter what. Thanks mom, but we were working out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27135

You deserved it

5713

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Serious times

Triage

Give me my drugs!

By DarkSerebii - United States

Today, a customer at work said his table was dirty. I asked which one he was sitting at so I could clean it for him. For some bizarre reason he got pissed and called my manager over. He ended up reporting us to corporate, and my manager got written up. He's blaming me for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45735

You deserved it

3628

Favorite

By greeneyedpothead - United States - Hanford

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10432

You deserved it

27487

Favorite

By NaomiMadison - United States

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39980

You deserved it

3121

Favorite

By bubbalicious - Canada

Today, I was on the phone bragging to a friend about losing my virginity last night. When I went downstairs, my 6 year old sister was digging through my purse. She explained that she had overheard my conversation and wanted to help me find my virginity. My mom was in the kitchen with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39639

You deserved it

86831

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I found out I was born as a result of someone switching my mom's birth control pills with tic tac. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50053

You deserved it

4192

Favorite

By fionna_fiamma - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, my boyfriend came to my house for the first time. Today was also the day my body decided to throw up violently for four hours while he awkwardly sat beside me, waiting for his ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22371

You deserved it

1608

Favorite

By Turnipseed3 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47354

You deserved it

3022

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/11/2020 23:03

Thanks for the heads up

Today, a person who I've been talking to for months told me they were in a relationship with someone else. I work with this person and see them almost everyday. To top it off, they told me this over text. FML

I agree, your life sucks

667

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By snitcheyes - United States

Today, I was called 15 times by a "good redneck boy" that my Mom is trying to set me up with. He has called me at least 5 times a day for the past week. My Mom is still encouraging him to call. I had to unplug the phone because I feel stalked in my own dorm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28825

You deserved it

2822

Favorite

By Wtfbruhimmovingout - Canada - Toronto

Today, my mom tried to burn my arm with a hot spatula, all because I got a tattoo against her wishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23319

You deserved it

5485

Favorite

By Elis - United States

Today, my mom bought me a t-shirt from the store. It has the U.S. Marines logo on it and says "Marines' Girlfriend". I'm a straight 16 year old boy and my mom only reads and speaks Spanish. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61520

You deserved it

4764

Favorite

By lostwife - United States

Today, I lost my job for taking an unauthorized vacation. I just got married and requested time off for the wedding and honeymoon months ago; it was approved then. They forgot, and then got angry because I didn't remind them. I did remind them, the day before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43224

You deserved it

2652

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29772

You deserved it

4817

Favorite

By OhNo. - United States

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37917

You deserved it

13651

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I attended my son's Christmas concert. When I went to sit down in the last available seat, a woman said she was saving it for her husband. Having nowhere else to sit, I stood in the back, for an hour. The seat remained empty for the entire concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36544

You deserved it

4123

Favorite

By melikeyturtles - United States

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25458

You deserved it

4749

Favorite

By Rednbumpy

Today, I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend. We haven't seen each other in a month so I decided to shave my body hair, even though I have really sensitive skin and usually end up getting rashes after a few days. His flight got cancelled and he won't be back for another two days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5049

You deserved it

557

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, a stranger yelled, "Non-believers shouldn't wear these!" He then took my rosary and ran off. It belonged to my dead brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6309

You deserved it

306

Favorite

By not drunk - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, I've been one year sober. My health has improved a lot, unlike my social life, which has died a horrible, lonely death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34489

You deserved it

4682

Favorite

By Ali

Today, after drinking a half gallon of liquid laxative in preparation for a colonoscopy, I puked the half gallon of laxative. Out my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2109

You deserved it

202

Favorite

By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Happy Birthday to me

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

740

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26409

You deserved it

3340

Favorite

By GuitarChick42 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks

320156

You deserved it

22844

Favorite

By Pims

Today, I've learned that when in a job interview at a Japanese company, the words, "Now we would like you to undertake a small Japanese test to check your Japanese level" actually means, "We would like you to gather all your hopes and dreams of you ever working for us, and let them die." FML

I agree, your life sucks

3610

You deserved it

610

Favorite

By wallamanut - United States - Portland

Today, my parents decided to finally kick me out of the house because they've gotten tired of seeing me "sleep around all day and being so lazy" whenever I'm home. I'm currently triple-shifting for 6 days a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36754

You deserved it

2822

Favorite

By J - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33028

You deserved it

6837

Favorite

By KJS - United States

Today, I got up on stage excited to recite a spoken word piece that I worked on and memorized for about 20 hours, neglecting other obligations like studying for an exam the next day. I blanked out in the middle of the performance in front of hundreds of people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24196

You deserved it

7041

Favorite

By doesnttastegood - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

120371

You deserved it

13919

Favorite

By no selfie for me - United States - Pasadena

Today, I was at the park unsuccessfully trying to take a selfie. A stranger walked up to me and offered to take the picture for me. I agreed and gave him my phone. He took it and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31878

You deserved it

59206

Favorite

By unemployedaussie - Australia - Perth

Today, I was fired because my boss found out I had been looking for a new job. Then, I got a call from my only job prospect, saying I was overqualified and too young to work there as a waitress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14088

You deserved it

1375

Favorite

By mista_sandy - Canada - Toronto

Today, a guy asked me out and said he was going to take me to a fancy restaurant where they make the food in front of you. I love Japanese food, so I was really excited. We went to Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36515

You deserved it

5761

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Saddle Brook

Today, while on my morning jog, I turned a corner, and out of nowhere, the business end of a bicycle hit me straight in the nuts. As I collapsed, gasping in agony, the guy who just killed a hundred million of my potential children got back on his bike and cycled away without a word. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27365

You deserved it

2294

Favorite

By proteinboy - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11673

You deserved it

30329

Favorite

By notenoughunderwearintheworld - South Africa - Durban

Today, the great deal on my new apartment has turned into a nightmare. I keep hearing extremely weird sounds almost every night, and when I tried taking pics of the place today, my camera's face recognition feature kept activating, but only in my bedroom. I'm scared shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66501

You deserved it

4895

Favorite

By me - United States

Today, while driving, I slowed down and made sure I safely went by a pedestrian, and in the process rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9296

You deserved it

22047

Favorite

By Ashley - United States - Bellerose

Today, I spent my entire paycheck on a new summer wardrobe. I then left my shopping bags on the train. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17283

You deserved it

38111

Favorite

By Trimacle - United States

Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22488

You deserved it

15782

Favorite

By c.hip - United States

Today, I picked off what I thought was a small bug feeding on my skin. I was wrong. It was a mole. I spent the last 30 minutes trying to stop the continuous bleeding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27698

You deserved it

10830

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my coach held a BBQ for the whole team. He told us to eat up, because we wouldn't be working out today. He lied. After eating the equivalent of a Thanksgiving dinner, we had to do team relays. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39282

You deserved it

4833

Favorite

By StromyG2 - United States

Today I had to listen to my father lecture me on all the potential dangers of Halloween. He has a speech for every holiday, every year. I'm 28 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30958

You deserved it

3254

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By taterrtots | 25

#6358709 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:15

at least she didn't give you a hard time about it.

wink

By mattzawesome | 28

#6358705 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:14

I don't think I can even comprehend how embarrassing that would be! Hopefully she believes you...

COMMENTS

By mattzawesome | 28

#6358705 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:14

I don't think I can even comprehend how embarrassing that would be! Hopefully she believes you...

By 604 | 11

#6358706 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:14

Likely story...

onlychildFTW | 33

#6358767 - Thursday 23 July 2015 9:20

Oh I'm sure they were working out some equipment.

Likian5 | 26

#6358979 - Thursday 23 July 2015 16:52

Yes, because us guys ALWAYS talk about how hard we are while working out *wink*

rajput | 17

#6361446 - Sunday 26 July 2015 2:05

They were working out their wrists.

By olpally | 32

#6358707 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:14

Lol. Oh the rush to judgment is strong here. Just explain yourself and you'll be good.

semitoundboss | 4

#6358962 - Thursday 23 July 2015 16:13

Two people grunting in a bedroom? I think there is only one thing that can be assumed.

By Pstraka6 | 20

#6358708 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:15

All in all that situation is pretty funny, but go explain to her what you were actually doing so she knows. That's pretty awesome though your mom is that accepting! Think about that for a minute too

Isandri | 29

#6358740 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:37

Yeah, I am jealous for such parent. My mom only told me that she hopes, that my friend is only my friend idd, and nothing more. My girlfriend wasn't happy about it :(

xAmybbx | 22

#6359924 - Friday 24 July 2015 16:22

Agreed. #17 My mum still insists my boyfriend is only a 'friend', even in front of him. Well, just persevere :)

By taterrtots | 25

#6358709 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:15

at least she didn't give you a hard time about it.

wink

mattzawesome | 28

#6358712 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:16

Weakkk

By JohnnyKade | 25

#6358710 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:16

Guess you were in a tight spot.

By False_Stupidity | 41

#6358711 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:16

That'll be a hard one to explain your way out of.
A way that your mum will believe anyhow...

razora | 4

#6359804 - Friday 24 July 2015 11:22

Just say I was watching porn that's easier to explain

pjsr | 32

#6360523 - Saturday 25 July 2015 6:53

WE were watching porn - probably doesn't do much to counter her thinking

By BlackPanther19 | 11

#6358713 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:18

well sex does burn calories

whysobeachy | 37

#6359122 - Thursday 23 July 2015 19:20

Exactly. OP never did mention what kind of "work out" it was.

StiffPvtParts | 43

#6360374 - Saturday 25 July 2015 3:26

I guess that might explain my extra weight ._.

By cOOkiEzRgOOd | 22

#6358714 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:20

You call your's a fiend?

StraightUpBaller | 14

#6358777 - Thursday 23 July 2015 9:53

My best one, in fact.

markpatrick | 10

#6358792 - Thursday 23 July 2015 10:12

lol

By mustangbravo | 27

#6358716 - Thursday 23 July 2015 8:21

I guess I can see her assumption. Your mom is pretty cool to say that. I agree with earlier posts. Just explain and all should be well. It will be a funny story for the future.