Today, my mom screeched at me about my pillowcase being dirty and finished off one long rant with an irate, "Who raised you to be such a pig?" Her anger multiplied by ten when I asked if it was a trick question. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off." She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language." FML
Today, my mom's obsession with cleanliness hit a new low when she bitched at me for having trash in my trash can. FML
Today, like most days, my mom screamed at me for not knowing the answer to one of her random questions. When I told her she could easily Google it or ask Siri, she went full nuclear meltdown and raged, "I’m not asking that bitch Siri, I’m asking YOU!" The words "batshit crazy" come to mind. FML
Today, my mother gave me a reprimand for my table manners when I didn't ask for someone to pass the vegetables I could have gotten myself. She then let out a raunchy fart at the table, and had the nerve to yell, "Did you ask to be excused?!" as I vacated the area. FML
Today, my mom put me in an anger management class because I said "crap." FML
Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML
Today, I angrily scolded one of my employees for making an avoidable mistake for the third time. Unfortunately, my mother decided to pay me a surprise visit, and arrived mid-rant. She chewed me out for being mean and made me apologize. Now everyone at work calls me "mama's boy" and nobody takes me seriously. FML
Today, my mom complained that I was being too loud, and she smacked my head really hard. All while screaming at me. FML
Today, I kindly asked my irate mother to respect my boundaries and to find other outlets for her frustration. Instead of responding AT ALL to what I had asked, she yelled at me for an hour about a completely unrelated political documentary she'd seen on YouTube, and then didn't apologize for her outburst. Typical. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mother painstakingly spell out to me why broken glass is extremely dangerous. Feeling insulted, I jokingly asked her if she thought I was "retarded". I then got yelled at for "swearing." I'm a fucking adult, but my overprotective and condescending mother seems to think otherwise. FML
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Top comments
laden_swallow09 35
C'mon. She walked right into that one.
ant1078 7
These are the moments when being quiet is the best way out of a dangerous situation
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Comments (95)
PYLrulz 17
Truth hurts
DuRpY 5
Ironically, in a formal setting: raise : animals : : rear : children
onorexveritas 24
serves her right lol
unknown_user5566 27
Was the smart-ass comment worth it? When I was younger, I always felt like I won a small battle when I made retorts like that.
HKCgrimmjow 15
I would have told her she raised you
Psycho_Babydoll 26
You totally owned your mother. I hate it when parents go off on huge rants over tiny things. A simple 'you should probably wash your bedclothes, they're dirty' would have sufficed. She deserved that comment, I'd have said it too. Though it would have been funnier if when she'd asked that, you looked at her and said, in an innocent and serious voice, "You did, mom." While keeping a straight face. Drives the parents insane but it's so worth it.
eatdemcupcakes 4
Or you could just not be a disrespectful dumb ass because she was just trying to help.
AriasBaast 4
Lol ydi but that is a clever comeback. I still applaud you.
KiddNYC1O 22
Your father didn't put out last night.
greeneye_fml 12
Shut the **** up. The mother put her foot in her mouth when she asked that and should own up to it. Its pathetic you would use violence to try and cover up your own embarrassment.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
^This.