Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML
Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Today, my mom lost an argument and tried to ground me. I’m 43 years-old and own my own house, so yes, she actually tried to tell me to stay grounded in my own house. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML
Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Bitches be crazy
malikorslip 3
Sounds like "the minority report"
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Comments (96)
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Well, mother's do know their children and Maybe she "knows" your going to do something you've done before and have been grounded for before. The FML doesn't tell the whole story so I could be wrong of course but, like I said, moms know their kids.
Shrike 24
I was just WAITING for someone to come out from under their rock and say "YDI OP, psychics do exist and she was right". You basically said the same thing except you were rightfully ashamed to admit that you believe psychics are for real. I bet you also blame rape victims, saying, "You must have done something or dressed in such a way to deserve it." Get a ******* life.
mhopper 13
How are you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
Driveshaft 5
FYL, for sure. Though if we're honest with each other...you probably would've, right?
YourMoms_BF 2
If you challenge her with anything, then she is right.
candylandy 1
Haha I love this !
perdix 31
You're doing hte time, you might as well do the crime. I'd suggest you hire a hooker on Craigslist and make sure she brings beer. When you mom busts in on you ******* a passed-out ***** in a room that stinks of stale beer and used condoms, she'll be very excited that her psychic powers are real!
unknown_user5566 27
Perdix, you can't just tell OP to get a hooker from Craigslist without providing a recommendation. I know you have a few favorites stored up in your little black book.
perdix 31
I'd love to, but I still haven't found one that will bring a decent beer. These girls can handle the minute details of my sexual deviances, but they can't comprehend the simplest instructions to pick up a tasty micro-brew. Jeez!
kalbrek009 20
Tell her she's not psychic, just a paranoid schizophrenic...my dad is one & used to beat my brothers & I (daily) based on how he was psychic & how "god told him" we'd done or would do something wrong...just sayin' "crazy is as crazy does"...you might also want to find out if (unfortunately) it might be hereditary....I feel for you OP...FYL. :(
xBunnehAddictx 6
I kinda know what it's like to think stuff like that. I have schitzaphrenia and also anxiety, bipolar, depression and adhd. I am completely crazy with out my medications. But i think the only thing that matters is that i take them, and am actually taking all the help i can get and give myself.
CatieMac 0
psychic? more like psycho
csoccer 1
"Finally Married Life" lol
kelissa_fml 16
Wrong fml...
bmkc4 1
WTF?
dstluke 7
well, why are you going to do it?