Today, my mom reached the lowest point of her midlife crisis. She convinced herself she's psychic and grounded me for something she "knows" I'm going to do. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my mom told me I'm the reason she's going to kill herself one day. FML
Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML
Today, my mom lost an argument and tried to ground me. I’m 43 years-old and own my own house, so yes, she actually tried to tell me to stay grounded in my own house. FML
Today, my mom went to a psychic. The reason? She has convinced herself that I'm gay, even though I've told her that I'm not, and never have been. The psychic disagreed. Apparently, I'm bi-curious with one of my guy friends. Guess who my mom believes? FML
Today, my mom read my diary. Then she frantically booked me an appointment with a psychiatrist. FML
Today, my mother threw a fit because the psychologist she got me suggested I visit a psychiatrist. Apparently, it's my fault because I "choose" to be so "crazy". FML
Today, my mom ended up having a midlife crisis. She decided it was finally time to get those tight leather pants that she has always wanted, and is now planning on putting a stripper pole in her room. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me a pep talk to boost my self confidence. Somehow, it ended up turning into a conversation about how much of a loser I am and how I have no friends. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her mom who had passed away years ago told her that I was cheating on her, telepathically. FML
Today, my mother straight up admitted that she would murder me if God told her to. FML
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Top comments
ThatGenericGuy 6
Bitches be crazy
malikorslip 3
Sounds like "the minority report"
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Comments (96)
smydiwannafthata 5
Now that you alteady got the punishment, you got a free pass to do whatever you want.
DocBastard 40
That's the extent of her midlife crisis? That's weak. I figure I'll be there in a few years. I plan to buy a Lamborghini and drive to the Playboy Mansion for a prolonged visit.
starwind3438 9
Yay you're back(I hope).
Marteeny23 19
Yay docbastard we missed you! Are you back to stay?
DocBastard 40
I'm not sure yet. I keep trying to go away for good, but this place keeps reeling me in like I'm a trout or something. GOD DAMN YOU, FML! GET YOUR HOOK OUT OF MY CHEEK!
Trisha_aus 15
Then he's staying for good! Hallelujah
starwind3438 9
Well don't COMPLETELY leave Doc. You're one of the few veterans left on this site. Also, you're one of the few really intelligent people on here that can verbally knock some sense in to the morons on here. As far as I have noticed, most of the other veterans have left. I haven't seen KaySL or Boners around in a long time.
idoam 8
How terribly cliché. If I ever have a midlife crisis and head to the Playboy Mansion, I hope I'm getting there with my helicopter or unicycle.
starwind3438 9
What about a Segway?
mommykrissy_05 7
DocBastard hope you stick around love seeing you knock sense into people.
unknown_user5566 27
Sounds like a fun midlife crisis. Make sure you come pick me up when that happens; a Lamborghini ride and a trip to the Playboy mansion? Best day ever! ;)
dsbs 9
Docbastard isn't even funny
DocBastard 40
dsbs - When you talk about me like I'm not in the room, it hurts me and makes me cry. I see on your profile info that you're the "baddest bitch on the block". Congratulations! I do seem to recall voting for you for "bitch". I'm glad you won.
Michael_92 20
Welcome back to FML. The site that always takes time outta your day. Anyways I hope you are here to stay, you are one of very few people who leave comments I can actually enjoy and laugh about.
AKGirlinSD 20
Welcome back, Doc. I've missed your witty comments! I've tried to stop reading FMLs as well and I eventually get sucked back in. It happens to the best of us :-).
suckmylife669 0
And im spiderman :P
Trisha_aus 15
But I'm..BATMAN
starwind3438 9
I'm Wonder Woman. Wait what?
minidinosaurgoes 9
Midlife crisis or bath salts... Guard your face.
izzygarcia 0
Wow dumb bop bitch hoe!-__-
izzygarcia 0
Text me I'll keep you company?(: 3049331550 ^.^
pfx2_fml 15
Nobody wants to text you, attention *****.
ManInTheMachine 20
Congrats, kid. You just got yourself a stalker. Not me, I have better things to do with my life. But I can't wager for some of the people on here.
Pandacupcakelove 26
Are you out of your mind? This was not very smart of you... Do you have any idea how many crazy people are on the internet? Oh well, if they start stalking you after this, you're on your own because YDI...
TheVelocirabbit 10
*triple facepalm*
masmith 4
Mothers know best!! LMMFAO
Dallasluver19 14
That's not ALWAYS right! it's little kids that knows best! Have you ever heard, "Little kids speak the truth." I mean really! My mom is just..mom
Pandacupcakelove 26
...Your mom should talk to somebody.
Driveshaft 5
She already has, the conversation just hasn't come to pass yet.
misvenus000 4
Don't feel bad. My mom is ping through her midlife crisis and she's been selling her "readings" on eBay. She also purchased almost all paranormal equipment and drags me to cemeteries for ghost hunting. I would say no but I don't want her to go alone.
misvenus000 4
Going* not ping
Dallasluver19 14
Yeah um your mother is PHYSCO! ?
missyfiona89 28
You meant, "psycho". Right?
Dallasluver19 14
Ueah
Dallasluver19 14
Ok.. This is embarresing.