Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
nerd_fml 0
Does it make anyone else the slightest bit angry that her mom is implying that her ****** is her HUSBAND'S property, and it doesn't matter what she wants - just that her husband enjoys himself?
thequeenofscots 0
Hey, it could have been worse. She could've filled up those remaining ten minutes telling you exactly how much HER husband liked her tight on their wedding night.
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Comments (77)
AcessDenied 0
Personally, I would have been glad it was something like that and not insulting. Like, 'You'll want to make sure you have someone who can't leave the next morning after seeing your ass naked'.
greatbelow 0
You should have told her that you'll just take it up the butt from now on then, you can still be a virgin!!!
Kitten125 0
#10 - .... wow.... just wow. #18 - Agreed!!!! Good GOD that is awkward... And as far as premarital sex goes, personally I think its fine as long as its with someone who really cares about you and isn't just after your body... cuz that would make it *****(ish) sex....
whateverd00d 0
Tell your mom it's the 21st ******* century. Men don't own women and you're not going to hell for pre-marital sex. Christ.
cypher_sonic 0
Good times.
Imthatgirlthere 0
How much sex has your mom had that she's all stretched out from it? GODDAMN.
20batman09 0
your so regilious, thats hot
ajscott 0
Because every guy wants blood stained sheets and crying on his wedding night.
msmil401 0
WHY do moms do things like this. I could imagine my crazy mom saying something disgusting like that to me when I was younger. You'd think that they would remember what it was like being young and not wanting to talk about anything having to do with sex with your parents. So inconsiderate. I feel your pain.
bitterspring 0
Yeah, seriously. Having sex a lot doesn't stretch you out as long as you keep yourself in shape, your ****** is not your husband's property, and like #30 said, men don't WANT to have sex with virgins who don't know what they're doing (unless they're that kind of guy who just like stealing girls' innocence) and your first time HURTS. It's better to be able to enjoy your wedding night than fear it. I mean, seriously.