Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
nerd_fml 0
Does it make anyone else the slightest bit angry that her mom is implying that her ****** is her HUSBAND'S property, and it doesn't matter what she wants - just that her husband enjoys himself?
thequeenofscots 0
Hey, it could have been worse. She could've filled up those remaining ten minutes telling you exactly how much HER husband liked her tight on their wedding night.
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Comments (77)
tagedawg 0
I am sure an arkward turtle went crawling by below
mad2physicist 0
Pretty sure your husband, unless he is VERY religious, will want your 'first time' to be long before the marriage. Really there's no reason except being religious to to put off sex another minute!
endurancefan212 21
That's not necessarily true. You don't know what other people's reasons are for being abstinent. Usually, yes, people are abstinent for religious reasons, but you don't know everyone's story. Everyone has the right to make their own choices, regardless of what reason it may be.
DReamBig24 0
good advice....
JohnnyGraves 12
That's what anal is for.
squigglyragdoll 1
A ****** can take something 20x it's size and still go back to normal, and she seriously thinks some grass blade dick will stretch it out?
droxursox319 8
That's such an archaic notion. Anyone who knows anything about the female body knows that vaginas are usually pretty elastic - they stretch when it's necessary, and contract again after periods of inactivity. Also, different women have different levels of tightness naturally. ALSO, your future husband doesn't OWN you, nor does any other man. I would hope that the person you choose to marry values and cherishes you for everything that makes you who you are.
slothstronaught 11
So she's never heard of kegels. Or your dad has a lot of man. Aren't parents great?
bluelabradork621 10
It doesn't even work like that! The vaginal walls are muscles. If our muscles worked like that, they'd become useless very quickly--we'd become floppy when we stretched. Taking a lot of dick does not make a ****** "loose."