Today, my mom decided to give me a solid reason for not having pre-marital sex. She told me that my future husband will want me to be tight for our first time. My mom and I were on a ski lift. The ride lasted 10 more uncomfortable minutes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided to tell my mom about my choice to wait to have sex until after marriage. Coming from a very Christian family, I thought she would be proud. Instead she laughed and said, "Is that your excuse for not being able to get laid?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I was driving with my mother. The ride was 2 hours long. For the first hour, she talked about how uncomfortable sex is the first time. For the second, she talked about how I should take accordion lessons. FML
Today, I had to watch as my deeply religious mother broke out in tears of joy, as she said how happy she was that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. I didn't have the heart to tell her that my fiancé and I fucked on the first date. FML
Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML
Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her, "If I want to have sex, I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you get married." She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML
Today, I told my mom I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted to have sex and I wasn't ready. Her reply? "Well, you can't stay a virgin forever." FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
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Top comments
nerd_fml 0
Does it make anyone else the slightest bit angry that her mom is implying that her ****** is her HUSBAND'S property, and it doesn't matter what she wants - just that her husband enjoys himself?
thequeenofscots 0
Hey, it could have been worse. She could've filled up those remaining ten minutes telling you exactly how much HER husband liked her tight on their wedding night.
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Comments (77)
that734chic 0
. . . atleast ur mom had the sex talk with u
silentfirefly 0
Your mom gave you a horrible reason to stay abstinent until marriage; it's true, have sex a lot doesn't stretch you out really, particularly if your exercising, a.k.a. working out your Kegler muscles. @32 True, a lot of men don't want to have sex with virgins. And first times don't always hurt, but I agree, having some knowledge in the field would definitely up the pleasure of it.
fearlesstiger98 0
yeah, true! my first time didn't hurt at all! it was mind-blowing 8D
Nickodemus 0
Well, maybe your mom shouldna been in all those black-on-white black and whites back in the 50's, hm? #22. I dearly do hope you're for real. #30. And you don't??? You're un-American.
KFabery 0
Wow, why are parents so dumb. "Loose" does not refer to the actual structure of the ******! It's refers to "loose morals." The ****** is designed so the HEAD OF A BABY can pass through it and it snaps back into place (mostly). A few penises aren't going to change that.
silentdud 0
Well atleast she didn't lie to you.
jez35blue 0
sex is about pleasure for women, not men. HAVE premarital sex for your OWN benefit. You always test drive the car before you drive it out of the lot :)
aPennyForMyThots 9
i so totally agree..
StapleInBrain 0
wow.
mbunderhill 0
um yeh... Being "loose" refers to a woman's morals, not her physiology. Your ****** is designed for a baby to come out of and then revert back to more or less the same size. It doesn't matter how much sex you have, no man's penis will stretch you out...
ohhboyy 0
omg #30 thats awful
squeaky_fml 0
Your husband will get much more value out of you knowing WTF you are doing than out of you being tight... once. You should absolutely sleep with at least a few people before you get married. Just do it sober and with a condom.