Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML
Stop talking
Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste." Gag me. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Double-edged sword
Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML
Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
John Coltrane
Today, I asked my girlfriend of a year and a half to give me a blow job. She replied okay and bent down and blew on my penis. Then she looked up at me and said, "Was that good?" She was serious. FML
In training
Today, my girlfriend loves giving blowjobs; the problem is she is very bad at them, refuses to admit she is bad at them, and cries and stops talking to me every time I try and tell her how to do it better. My knob is red and sore where she keeps catching it with her teeth. FML
Top comments
Timmytwofinger 0
what the **** is wrong with your mum?
ModernDreamer 0
man that sucks.... or should i say blows?
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Comments (74)
MikeLitoris_fml 0
HAHAHAHA!!!! she knows you're secretly gay
nieska18 0
um i cant believe some people are saying its fine because your a guy and guys know best.... sure............. but imagine telling your mom what feels good in oral.... ****. awkward as shit. cause that means your mom know what you like in oral. ahhhhhhhhh! id be like wtf mom?
beritis 0
at least your mother doesn't think that you're a looser!... but it is kind of disturbing...
LoosechangeXxXx 0
This is totally fake and if I am wrong and it is not then your mom is screwed up and should be in a mental institution.
locochoca 0
yaa cuz she wants to know wat feels good to a guy that's y she asked
elowyn4life 0
I think your mum knows your gay or at least assumes it. whichever way it is..... that sill sucks. ahahahaha
hapylordofdeath9 0
well it's weird that your mom would ask that, but, unless you've never recieved a *******, you should know what feels good and what doesn't... homophobe
eagleclaw58 0
take it as a compliment she probably wanted to no what a guy likes and take it as a compliment cuz shethinks u get alot of girls
Fallen_Seraphim 0
You're worried about your mom thinking your gay?!?!?!?!? Your MOTHER and let me repeat that once more YOUR MOTHER, the women who raised you just asked you how to give a *******. Seriously? you are worried about all the wrong things there sweetie.
sloop_fml 0
ur gay