Sex, Awkward and Intimacy: Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told...

By Noname - 25/02/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my mom decided to give me relationship advice. She told me the key to a happy/successful relationship was "letting your man explore ALL your orifices." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 789

You deserved it 4 196

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By Ohai - 16/01/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, my mom asked me for advice on how to give a good blow job. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 580

You deserved it 3 075

By Anonymous - 23/02/2012 20:25 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 819

You deserved it 37 526

By lisahb - 19/06/2012 22:16 - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 487

You deserved it 3 316

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 08:31

Today, without thinking, I casually advised my mum that the best way to get the piping nozzle clean is to 'fingerfuck' it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 925

You deserved it 4 869

By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 190

You deserved it 3 650

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 109

By saddened97 - 20/01/2011 09:39 - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was fingering me. After he left, my mum says to me "I wish my sex life was as interesting as yours." She had walked in and we hadn't even noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 711

You deserved it 12 898

By Mak1 - 05/12/2008 08:12 - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend told me in a very natural way that my mother is better at sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 738

You deserved it 4 692

The struggle

By Anonymous - 06/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son came to complain that all he and his girlfriend do is have sex, yet never talk to each other. As his dad, I tried to give him good advice, but as his mom makes me miserable every time she opens her mouth, it was a struggle to think what to say. In fact, he’s living my idea of paradise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 355

You deserved it 186

You what?

By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 512

You deserved it 3 721

burdenofaday 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 17:10

Haha. Your mom likes buttsex.

Sciamachy 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 13:33

Wow... so your mom is into aural & nasal sex too?!

Comments

jihinotenshi_fml 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 12:29

duh

Tri_fml 5

Wednesday 25 February 2009 12:47

http://www.fmylife.com/sex/7619 ^This would never have happened if the poster had a mum like yours to advise her XD

Sciamachy 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 13:33

Wow... so your mom is into aural & nasal sex too?!

Fyrepower 23

Saturday 22 August 2015 18:30

*Oral. (Sorry, had to)

Talis99 26

Friday 28 August 2015 0:13

@fyrepower #100---Actually aural is correct--it's ear sex. Like auditory, aural is of the ear or the hearing sense.

3lended7wice 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 14:44

the advice is great! the image of my mom doing anal is not. FML

Will9_fml 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 14:55

douche chill

PhoenixLE 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 15:12

She tells it like it is.

KenMcGormick 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 16:00

whoa ur mum is great... how i hope all mums in the world are like your mum... so submissive

burdenofaday 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 17:10

Haha. Your mom likes buttsex.

alwaysalady 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 17:37

My mother told me, "listen to your parents' advice, but make your own educated choices."

Joy_fml 0

Wednesday 25 February 2009 19:33

#29, rock on sister! LMAO!!

Keywords

Love Embarrassing Poopoo peepee Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Money Annoying Gross Ironic Argument Friends Awkward Cute Haircut Holidays Lonely Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism You're fired Cars Covid Health Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my mom kicked me out of the house because I missed my curfew and overslept at my boyfriend’s house. She said she’d let me back in on one condition: that I was still a virgin. My boyfriend’s parents won’t let me live with him. I’m currently staying in the Walmart restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 315

Today, I was on my way home from a friend's house. I called home ahead of time to let my parents know I was on my way. My dad picked up and in a panting voice said, "Now isn't a good time, drive around the block for 15 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 075

You deserved it 6 726

The Top

Today, I learned I don't have a yeast infection. I have herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 098

You deserved it 8 821

Today, after my first dinner with my new girlfriend, I was using a toothpick when I fell, stabbing the roof of my mouth. She then laughed at me, as there was so much blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 413

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 384

You deserved it 1 121

Today, we ran out of disposable gloves at work. After saying how grossed out I was about having to touch raw chicken with my bare hands, my female boss goes, "Just imagine you're touching yourself. That's what I do." Even more grossed out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 469

You deserved it 1 562

Today, at my wedding reception, I jokingly asked my aunt, who has always been convinced that I am gay despite my protests, if she believed me now. She took this the wrong way and drunkenly went around telling my guests that my wedding was a sham to convince her I was straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 453

You deserved it 5 306

Today, I told my parents I was thinking about joining the army. They looked at each other and laughed for about 10 minutes straight. I wasn't joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 002

You deserved it 5 813

Same thing different taste

Thanks mom

The struggle

You what?

Top comments

Comments