Miscellaneous: Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been... - FML

By sanoria51 - 26/04/2013 23:58 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to explain to my friend that the hot girl he's been sending nudes to and cybering with for the past month is probably a bored, fat-as-fuck, balding male living in his mum's basement. The look on his face after I proved that "her" pictures were fake broke my heart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 534

You deserved it 8 751

Sorry…

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Dementia or hate? You decide

By whatzthehell - 03/06/2009 10:31 - Kuwait

Today, I woke up with a splitting headache. Then someone at work wouldn't stop whistling loudly and it was getting on my nerves. "Can the dick who is whistling please stop?" I asked. It was the general manager of my department. I'm still on probation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 589

You deserved it 51 330

No fun

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 20:01

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 751

You deserved it 162

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 05:52 - United States - Sacramento

Spicy

Today, I was walking out of my girlfriend's house with her when I saw her thong drying on the rack. I picked it up, sniffed it and put it on my face as a joke. She replied with, "Those are my mother's." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 507

You deserved it 53 434

By stickyface - 24/10/2010 05:18 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs tv room. Just as he was about to cum I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door just as he came. Didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 957

You deserved it 41 401

By killmenow - 03/12/2015 05:33 - Canada - Halifax

Today, I burped in front of my crush. Well, not really in front of him. I turned around mid-burp and noticed him, not knowing anyone was there. The surprise made me scream a little, which only amplified the burp. So I made this mighty belch-turned-scream noise, while maintaining eye contact with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 188

You deserved it 2 612

By Soph - 25/03/2013 21:53 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, during a sex ed lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy and abortion from the school nurse. Throughout the session she kept repeating, "Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this." The nurse happens to know that my dad's a gynaecologist. That's not what everyone else in the year thinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 607

You deserved it 2 856

By mathesonn - 29/05/2014 23:32 - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 515

You deserved it 7 251

By dumped - 10/03/2010 12:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend dumped me because apparently I don't appreciate how he's different from other guys. I only told him that showering once a month was not normal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 307

You deserved it 4 578

By Honestly - 09/02/2017 11:00 - United Kingdom - Measham

Today, I had to teach my mother that tampons do not belong in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 943

You deserved it 512

Alexa, play Men's Needs by The Cribs

By Anonymous - 11/05/2021 06:01

Spicy

Today, I caught my husband setting up an affair with my old school-friend. I have chronic pain, a hormone imbalance and some other issues that means I'm losing interest in being intimate at all. It hurts. I don't enjoy this either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 179

You deserved it 170

By father-in-nope - 21/07/2015 15:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend's dad helped me put coolant in my car. When I said I wished I could do something in return, he told me to get an abortion so I wouldn't "ruin" his son's life. When I told my boyfriend, he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 382

You deserved it 2 741

By ConfusedFiancé - 29/10/2017 22:00

Today, I stumbled across my boyfriend's tumblr page. I've known him for years and never knew he had one. Being curious, I decided to give it a look, only to be ambushed by a wall of furry porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 175

You deserved it 814

By Username - 25/01/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that you need to clean your car more often when you find a mouldy burrito under the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 143

You deserved it 34 931

By Completely Fed Up - 20/04/2016 18:55 - United States - Spokane

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 325

You deserved it 1 501

By anon - 14/01/2013 03:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 879

You deserved it 3 659

By midwesternpetclerk - 09/11/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 772

You deserved it 2 714

By Oops - 07/01/2017 20:48 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I accidentally spilled red wine on my cat. She ran away and licked the wine off before I had a chance to clean her. My mother is deeply concerned our cat is dying. I'm trying to tell her to wait 24 hours before taking her to the vet's, simply because I think my cat is hung over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 781

You deserved it 1 245

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 21:22 - United States - New York

Spicy

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 945

You deserved it 9 330

By Idiot says "HIPAA violation" - 27/06/2015 01:21 - United States - Roanoke

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 110

You deserved it 2 529

Life's what you make it

By ratherbealone - 27/10/2020 02:06 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I don't want to go to work because I hate my boss, but once I'm there, I won't want to go home because I hate my husband. I have nowhere else to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 117

You deserved it 426

By an idiot - 16/02/2013 18:03 - Australia

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 927

You deserved it 7 789

By blahdyblahblah33 - 03/07/2011 00:22 - United States

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 424

You deserved it 2 689

By upset - 25/10/2016 00:08

Today I opened the door for my cat and he brought in a rat with him. Now the rat is hiding in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 177

You deserved it 892

By fuck - 16/12/2014 21:04 - Norway - Slemmestad

Today, I got a new downstairs neighbor. Herpes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 457

You deserved it 37 267

Dealbreaker

By Nico - 26/05/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, after going on a date with my girlfriend, we ended up having sex at her flat. When she took off her panties, I took a glance and saw poop stains on them. It turned me off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139

You deserved it 250

And today, on Dr Phil…

By pretty poly - 10/11/2020 11:01

Spicy

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. He wants to introduce our girlfriend to our kids and make her a part of our everyday family life. When we started this, I was under the impression that it was just a sex thing, and wouldn’t leave our bedroom. He wants to make her his second wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 4 240

Very smart

By Leauge - 28/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 337

You deserved it 279

By gag reflex - 16/08/2014 16:03 - Australia - Burwood

Spicy

Today, while I was at the dentist, I couldn't stop gagging when he tried to put a tab in my mouth to get an x-ray. As I left, I overheard him saying, "I feel sorry for her boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 920

You deserved it 9 769

Open season

By Mapmouse - 27/01/2021 11:03

Today, I drove home to Las Vegas after being in quarantine in Los Angeles for two weeks. The lights were on and the lock was busted. My apartment is completely ransacked. Yay 2021. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 67

By Red - 04/12/2014 16:31

Today, my girlfriend found out that I secretly watch porn while she sleeps, but she seemed to be fine with it. That's until the next day, when she got on my Facebook account and publicly shared every porn page I visit. My father even commented, "Poor choice in porn, son". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 620

You deserved it 14 970

By weak - 23/02/2014 14:36 - United States - Columbus

Today, I was helping my wife bring in the groceries. She was able to carry 4 bags and a jug of milk. I was struggling with 2 bags. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 311

You deserved it 22 519

By Anonymous - 06/09/2015 06:59 - United States - Wittenberg

Today, my older brother offered me a cigarette. I took it and barely took a drag before he socked me in the arm and lectured me for taking the offer. He's an alcoholic, and smokes daily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 062

You deserved it 9 553

By akward - 04/09/2009 17:36 - United States

Today, I began my job as an intern at a high school. I saw one of the students looked very familiar, and I couldn't remember from where. Then I figured it out, I had hooked up with him at a club last week. He's a junior in high school, I'm in my last year of college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 133

You deserved it 52 065

By cheesylad - 10/06/2017 06:00 - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, I was alone in the car with my crush. For reasons I will never understand, I put on the song 'Kiss a Girl' by Keith Urban. I could feel her cringing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 098

You deserved it 1 327

By idkmybffjill? - 13/02/2009 04:12 - United States

Today, I was pestering a co-worker, so she jokingly stated "I'll bury you!" and I replied "I'll bury your mom!". Her moms funeral was last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 545

You deserved it 48 957

By Anonymous - 23/01/2010 23:18 - United States

Today, I came home to find my little sister had decided to play hopscotch under our carport. Feeling a small childish urge, I decided to hop on one leg to the front door. I tripped and fell, slicing my knee open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 679

You deserved it 21 259

By Jusawkward - 01/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I went to my former high school's homecoming game. A classmate who I always had a crush on looks up and goes "Brian!", holding her arms out for a hug. I hug her and she seems a bit suprised but hugs back anyway. I get up and see another Brian from our class behind me. Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 569

You deserved it 4 395

Banana-nana fo-fo-nads

By gonads - 23/08/2017 16:00

Today, I was playing baseball. My full name is Nadeene, my nickname is Dee, but people have started calling me Nads. Someone yelled out "Go Nads" as I went up to bat. Guess what my new nickname is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 377

You deserved it 292

By MystoganFT - 17/12/2015 02:55 - United States - Emmaus

Spicy

Today, some guy I don't know walked up to me and told me that he's determined to sleep with my girlfriend, then walked away while giving me the finger. I've never seen him before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 085

You deserved it 1 807

By Lovejunkie - 01/03/2010 07:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 555

You deserved it 8 592

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:47

Well you did the right thing to tell your friend. There's a lot of "catfish" out there.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:55

Ah, the Internet. Where the men are men and the hot women are also men.

Comments

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:47

Well you did the right thing to tell your friend. There's a lot of "catfish" out there.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 5:02

People just have to really careful.

Freethaawave 19

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Saturday 27 April 2013 5:19

She had the "Myspace Angles"

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Saturday 27 April 2013 6:40

this was on Dr.Phil 2 days ago!!!

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Saturday 27 April 2013 7:06

Oh man I remember that! XD

iLike2Teabag 27

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Saturday 27 April 2013 8:26

Yup. Just ask now 2nd round pick Manti Te'o.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 10:18

How on earth is this an FML? maybe you just wanted us folks on the internet (whoever we are) to laugh at him like you probably did... FHL. And while I'm at it, I confess I'm not actually a teddy bear.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:50

He'll thank you in the long run, after he finds the real deal. Good for you for being a good friend.

meihua 19

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Saturday 27 April 2013 5:04

Perhaps OP is also interested in the guy

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Saturday 27 April 2013 6:40

Or perhaps he was just lookin out for a bro like guys do?

\ 28

Saturday 27 April 2013 7:53

*theme song from The Golden Girls plays in head*

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Saturday 27 April 2013 10:40

oh yes, a great friend, even posted the tale on the internet so we could all laugh about it. FHL for sure, but in no way FYL.

asdfjkl123456 13

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:51

It's better you did it now than him finding out on his own a year later, which would have been worse. Sorry you had to be the bearer of bad news OP:( and sorry to your friend, that sucks!

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:51

Trust me, you saved him a lot of grief later on. I know it's tough now thinking about it but you saved him trouble in the long run. You did the right thing :)

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Saturday 27 April 2013 10:47

"today, I found out that my internet girlfriend is a fake. Not only that, the friend who proved her pictures weren't genuine (and joked about how she's probably a 'fat-as-fuck balding' guy) even posted the embarrassing story online. FML"

KeXu 6

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:51

The internet is anonymous...I don't get how people are so oblivious

OptimusVader 23

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Saturday 27 April 2013 7:00

On the internet, no one knows I'm made out of cups.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:51

AWw, poor fella, hopefully he'll find a real person.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 6:27

Not everyone on the internet is fake. OP's friend just had some bad luck there. Don't feel bad about telling him! You just saved him from potential heart break.

s_rika 16

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Sunday 28 April 2013 9:40

Unless spambots are moments from beginning the AI uprising, it was a "real" person. Just not a real female.

profoundkisses 18

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:52

Hope he finds someone real!

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:55

Ah, the Internet. Where the men are men and the hot women are also men.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 4:57

Actually, I'm an extraterrestrial who pretends to be human. Does that still count?

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Saturday 27 April 2013 5:04

I'm a liuon usibng my masdters iPhoine. I findf it quyite annmoying thast I don't habve accesds to a latrger keyboerd, as I keerp hittying the wrionhg kerys.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 5:43

Not me. I'm a woman... Or I might be a man... Or a mouse.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 6:24

On the internet, men are men, women are men, and children are FBI agents.

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Saturday 27 April 2013 11:57

I'm neither a woman nor a man, I'm a unicorn !

bamagrl410 31

Sunday 28 April 2013 21:58

Everyone should know that the women on the Internet are really men. The real women are in the kitchen, duh.

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Monday 27 April 2015 3:12

On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog. No one.

\ 28

Saturday 27 April 2013 4:57

Don't discredit yourself, OP. Sometimes you gotta amputate an extremity to spare a limb :)

NickaPLZ 26

Saturday 27 April 2013 4:58

It seems to be happening more and more... Why can't people just be themselves? It's amazing how far you can get in life by not pretending to be somebody else...

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Saturday 27 April 2013 6:15

Sometimes people are just that insecure about their looks, so they pretend to be someone else to feel loved.

NickaPLZ 26

Saturday 27 April 2013 6:36

This is true.

Danielle7994 18

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Saturday 27 April 2013 7:02

So true 11. Reminds me of that one Catfish episode where this one girl found out that the "guy" she was dating for a year or so was actually a girl. It's so crazy how people think that it's okay to pretend to be someone else over the internet. Don't they plan on meeting in real life at some point?

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 6

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’ve been single and lonely for so long, I looked up if it’s possible to marry your hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 60

Today, during sex, I was getting close to climax, which is unusual for me due to personal issues. However, I got a piercing headache and had to stop. I later found out my birth control can cause sex headaches and the best way to avoid them is to avoid orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 42