Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML
Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
caancoha 0
Next time you can offer him the giant, mutant tampon you pulled out of your ladyparts.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
A tooth for a tooth, exchange him your most prized molar.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (100)
BabyBlondie 0
Ugh that's what most would call a "deal breaker" right there....
mzhonesty 0
That's disgusting. -_- He might as well have spit on your hand.
ImaginaryFoe 1
??? It says a tooth he had pulled.
xcarxcrashx 9
Actually a dentist wouldn't remove his own tooth. Another dentist would. Perhaps he reached into his mouth and removed (i.e. pulled it) out himself. Quit trying to be the grammer police.
Moizt 0
Honestly ? wtf ! xD
ohSNAPyall 27
haha, nice. why did he wait so long to give it to you?
mempholicious 0
damn gurl, yo dude is bigfoot. what else is large and mutant- like on him?
ColdGold 6
He pulled it a few months ago and still had it in his hand all that time. Are you still holding it?
spongebob95 0
he was trying to be nice? girls like u are why men are gay!
Tigg3r 3
such bad puns...