Today, my husband told me to hold out my hand. He opened his, and in mine dropped a giant mutant tooth he had pulled a few months ago. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad told me he had a present for me. It was his tooth, which he had pulled out a few minutes before. FML
Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML
Today, my dentist pulled the wrong tooth. FML
Today, I watched my husband pick his dead foot skin and say, "That's a keeper!" before putting it in his mouth. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were play fighting. He said, "I should stop trying to hurt you," before punching me in the face. I lost a tooth. He found it hilarious. FML
Today, I got a meat pie for lunch. I bit into it and felt something hard. I spat it out. It was a tooth. I checked my mouth in a panic and discovered, with mixed feelings of relief and horror, that the tooth wasn’t mine. FML
Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML
Today, in a bid to avoid going to the dentist, my husband decided to have one of his drunk buddies pull his tooth out with pliers. Now he has to have surgery to remove the shards of tooth left rotting in his mouth. It’s going to cost thousands. Thanks babe. FML
Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML
Today, my husband and I got into an argument over him not brushing his teeth. It ended with him snapping his toothbrush in half. He's 52. FML
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Top comments
caancoha 0
Next time you can offer him the giant, mutant tampon you pulled out of your ladyparts.
FernandoTorres_fml 0
A tooth for a tooth, exchange him your most prized molar.
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Comments (100)
youthink_fml 0
So what? You've touched grosser things of his with your mouth.
cmotdibbler 4
Consider yourself lucky, my research involves eyes and black widow venom.
Lightslei 0
I think the FML here may be that the tooth was decaying but I thought it took longer then a few months for a tooth to rot :/.
volleyballx3 2
gay.
ringmybell_fml 0
**** your life? dude, hold up. what's sitting in your hand is a little gem. a few things you can do with it: 1) sell it on eBay and make a hefty profit (because mutant teeth are the rage these days.) 2) make your husband find and give you more, then start a collection 3) pull out one of your own teeth, join the circus and learn to juggle them. 4) grind it up and sprinkle it onto the garden.
ringmybell_fml 0
and 5) put it under your pillow in wait for the mutant toothfairy named lady gaga who will bless you with the gifts of monopoly money and expired coupons.
iheartsunshine14 0
you're irritating.
CallMeHush 1
I have amassed a small jar of teeth over the years, I'm thinking of either gluing them into a random skull from my collection or spreading them around in a puddle of blood in an alley. Really I'm at a loss as what to do with them now.
Free_Hugs10 0
I hope you put it under your pillow. That way the tooth fairy will think it's yours and give you a quarter!
purplemnm 9
did it name itself after a renasaice(sp?) artist, move into the sewers and become a vigilante while having the mind of an adolescent?
Joey7361 0
^win
Ardell 0
Well next time, tell him to close his eyes and hold out one of his hands. And then drop one of your turds in his hand. Spread the love.