Intimacy: Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML - FML

By 530gangsta

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

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Dementia or hate? You decide

Live dumping

Insane parents

By Jbheller - United States - Mountain Top

Today, after resigning from my current job, I was let go from the new job I hadn't even started yet. FML

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By moneymoneymoney - United States - Tampa

Today, my financial troubles got so bad, I contemplated visiting a friend simply so I could swipe their deodorant. FML

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By oh great - United Kingdom - Doncaster

Today, my brother let me fly his two day old, expensive drone. Within a minute I had crashed it into a potato field. Four hours of searching and we still haven't found it. FML

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By wtbfiber - United States

Today, my stomach muscles are still sore from yesterday. Not because I was doing sit-ups or working out or anything, but because I have to work that hard to take a dump. FML

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By bubblegummm13 - Canada

Today, I got an email from my University informing me that I was invited to an exclusive dinner for 25 people. As I continued to read through the email, I discovered that I wasn't lucky or special, but that the dinner was for financially unstable students. They think I'm a charity case. FML

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By rmb131 - Canada

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

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By Oliveisthenewora - United States - Dearborn

Today, I tried a DIY face mask that involved using turmeric spice. After keeping it on for 20 minutes, I tried washing it off, but I couldn't get rid of the orange residue it had left behind. Guess who's going to work tomorrow looking like an Oompa Loompa. FML

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By Tabeling101

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I politely complimented a stranger's excellent posture. She responded by saying "I have a metal rod in my back." FML

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By hello to you too - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

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By theoftrescheduled - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

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By lone_ranger - United States

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

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By xxxkkxxx - Hong Kong

Today, my parents took me on a plane ride for a vacation in Hong Kong. What they didn't tell me was that the "vacation" is extended for three years. FML

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By WTF - United States - Conroe

Today, my boss at my new call center job said he'd gotten complaints about me. Apparently I sound "too black" and it's "upsetting" some of our customers. I don't know what that even means, but my boss said I need to "tone it down or we're gonna have some problems". FML

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By reallyhighschool - United States - Torrance

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ocean Springs

Today, I got out of the shower and walked into my living room to see my sis' and her boyfriend sitting very closely on our family's fairly large couch. I laughed and said, "Look at the happy couple." Then her now ex-boyfriend burst into tears. Turns out they'd just broken up. FML

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By lol - United States

Today, I farted in front of my husband for the first time in 26 years. He told our kids over email, and now they won't shut up about it. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband told me the reason he'd been meeting his high school sweetheart behind my back and lying about where he was was out of respect for me. He thinks I'm ungrateful for not appreciating the lengths he's gone to to hide this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Placentia

Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML

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By xacked - United States

Today, I was designing a newspaper page with a story about an aggressive female bird that was defending its nest and attacking students near some stairs. In the article were photos of victims who were attacked. We had a good laugh over it. Later, I was walking there and the bird attacked me. FML

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By DatAss

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

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By sadstorylifee - United States

Today, I had to admit to my parents that the reason I don't want a sixteenth birthday party isn't because I'm being spoiled and I expected my parents to take me on a lavish vacation, but because I don't have any friends to invite. FML

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By mammasboy - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom scolded me and threatened to ground me for coming home past midnight. Normally, it wouldn't be unreasonable, except for the fact that I'm 24 years old, and that my parents live with me, in my own house. FML

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By awkwardmandy - United States - Okeene

Today, my ex-boyfriend decided to humiliate me by confessing to my dad in detail what he and I had done together and "apologizing" for taking my virginity. FML

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By SwinginSolo - United States

Today, I found out that what my husband meant by "we should try swinging" is "I really want to have sex with this one friend of yours, and if you so much as make eye contact with any guy I'm going to totally flip out and threaten to kill him and you." FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Corner Brook

Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML

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By Cuntlette - Australia - Brighton

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML

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By anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I got yelled at for providing horrible customer service, in a store I don't even work for. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I searched myself on Facebook. I have a fan page made by some girl in Wisconsin. She has pictures of me on it. Can you say stalker? FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, I had to explain to several young children why asking the new blind girl to play hide and seek with them is inappropriate. FML

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By Rai - Canada

Today, I got up extra early to curl my hair because I wanted to look nice at school for a change. After coming downstairs my mom yells at me and says, "See, when you don't wake up on time your hair looks like that. You could have atleast combed it!" FML

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By

Today, I am now sleeping on the floor because my friend got super drunk at a small party then peed herself in her sleep. I was sleeping beside her and my clothes smell like pee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to a guy I secretly like. I was so nervous that instead of saying, "Hi, I'm Veronica," I said, "Veronica, I'm high." FML

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By dicksonthebrain - United Kingdom

Today, I was asked to order a new lockable cash tin for work. When my boss returned to ask which one I'd selected, I said, "An 8-inch black one". Her giggle said it all. FML

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By girlsx2mom - United States

Today, my boyfriend wouldn't have sex with me because he doesn't want his mom "watching from heaven." FML

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By insideout - United States

Today, I told my parents that I was going out with my boyfriend and they agreed to let me go as long as I was home by midnight. Did I come home on time? Yes. Was my shirt right side out? No. FML

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By Rachel - 27/10/2020 08:01 - United States

Fun fun fun

Today, I spent my entire day building various zoos in Zoo Tycoon, and then releasing all of the animals to see them chase people. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my car wouldn't start, so I had to wait for AAA. Then, hurrying to pick up my brother, I got a $161 speeding ticket. Twenty minutes later, I got a call from him saying he didn't need a ride anymore. FML

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Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444193 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:17

Stop using bricks as mouth gags.

By laowang | 13

#7444145 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 16:56

How hard?!!

COMMENTS

By laowang | 13

#7444145 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 16:56

How hard?!!

Reply

CantTouchThat | 27

#7444150 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:09

That's what he said

By Cali | 54

#7444158 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:17

...on what exactly?

By 8313girl | 28

#7444178 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:50

You got her with the line "Its ok, I don't bite." Then you bit her anyway. Shame!

By Elisabethandrine | 29

#7444187 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:06

"Doesn't matter, had sex?"

Reply

Cali | 54

#7444589 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 11:09

I will never stop loving that song.

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444193 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:17

Stop using bricks as mouth gags.

By species4872 | 19

#7444223 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 19:10

All pro's wear mouth guards.

By newbiemalestr8 | 24

#7444228 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 19:23

way to go, adding acrobatics to the bedroom, but everyone knows you need to use a safety net when you first start out. Oh, and be sure the trapeze is bolted into a ceiling joist

By wickedgetz | 29

#7444250 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:08

need to know how this happened. ... follow up please OP

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7444290 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:04

What the fuck are you doing that makes you chip a tooth during sex?!

By NisaSayshi | 24

#7444435 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:33

Well, that's liking it rough next level.