Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML - FML

By 530gangsta - 25/4/2017 16:00

Today, while having sex I managed to chip my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3253

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

Understandable

Workaholic

Alternative medicine is bull

By lamsolonely - 12/5/2013 04:35 - United States

Today, my little brothers wouldn't stop teasing me over the fact that I'm a virgin and they are not. They are 13 and 16, I'm 22. What's worse? My dad quickly joined them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63117

You deserved it

7532

Tweet

Share

By anon - 5/12/2014 15:44 - United States - Georgetown

Today, my work department set a new sales record, something not done in nearly 30 years. It's corporate policy to give a bonus to each worker responsible as a reward. Our manager decided our "bonuses" would be plastic medals from Dollar Tree. He didn't even buy enough for everybody. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35752

You deserved it

2452

Tweet

Share

By Foreveralone - 9/4/2012 05:07 - United States

Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26897

You deserved it

2972

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/2/2010 01:49 - United States

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31348

You deserved it

2519

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 14/8/2013 19:47 - United States

Today, a guest of the private beach club I work at asked if I could do something about the water temperature in the ocean. I laughed, thinking it was a joke. She was serious and complained to my boss, saying I was absolutely no help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47576

You deserved it

2956

Tweet

Share

By E - 20/10/2016 19:07

Today, my office smells like a giant turnip green fart because of a sewage leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9339

You deserved it

766

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/2/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I went indoor rock climbing with my uncle and his 5 year-old girl. I'm about halfway up the hardest ascent when my arm cramps up. As I stretched my arm, my cousin yells up at me in her tiny voice, "Prove you're a man and climb that wall!" I fell off. I was emasculated by a 5 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24502

You deserved it

5726

Tweet

Share

By Henry - 11/11/2011 22:29 - Norway

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14911

You deserved it

45591

Tweet

Share

By Tottie - 24/6/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, by request from my new boss, I came into work over an hour early to finish some backed-up filing. This seemed like a great opportunity to earn some extra overtime pay. After spending an hour and half filing, I realized I hadn't clocked in for the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19367

You deserved it

41170

Tweet

Share

By Soap0015 - 16/8/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, I was at work as a lifeguard. The temperature was absolutely stifling, but I tried to tough it out. A couple of hours into my shift, I passed out, fell off my stand, and crashed into the water. Or so the medics tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25079

You deserved it

2787

Tweet

Share

By fxck - 4/2/2015 19:28

Today, at work, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head on my cash register. A second later, I heard roaring laughter from the security room, followed by someone saying to play it back. I'd almost convinced myself it wasn't about me, when one of the guys came out and gave me a thumb up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37284

You deserved it

3533

Tweet

Share

By smokin - 26/7/2011 21:22 - United States

Today, someone had the unique opportunity to be able to say to me, "Excuse me, your pants are on fire." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31995

You deserved it

5350

Tweet

Share

By rugernut13 - 16/10/2009 04:47 - United States

Today, I went out to start my car to go to work. When it wouldn't start, I popped the hood to see what was wrong. Some kind individual took advantage of the fact that my window doesn't roll up, and stole my battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27073

You deserved it

6434

Tweet

Share

By sagecamreyyy - 6/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3537

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By Pissedoff777 - 12/8/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42216

You deserved it

7824

Tweet

Share

By idontevengetpaid - 5/9/2016 04:35 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10094

You deserved it

15093

Tweet

Share

By Completely Fed Up - 20/4/2016 18:55 - United States - Spokane

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22285

You deserved it

1498

Tweet

Share

By Carmen - 26/2/2011 13:57 - United States

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13775

You deserved it

31778

Tweet

Share

By sadgf - 25/2/2009 21:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said that being with me was his payment for past sins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54608

You deserved it

6093

Tweet

Share

By anonymous neighbor - 30/1/2009 14:42 - United States

Today, I went on a date with my really attractive neighbor, and at the end, when I leaned in to make out with her, she shook my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26678

You deserved it

6562

Tweet

Share

By AquaKelly - 24/12/2014 01:48 - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30733

You deserved it

4650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/4/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to get the day off because of snow and ice on the roads, which had already caused 2 accidents close to my house. My boss just called me a useless millennial, fired me, and hung up the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4230

You deserved it

1247

Tweet

Share

By piece of crap car - 4/1/2017 06:27 - United States - Portland

Today, I was supposed to start my first day of work at my dream job. However, my car had other plans and refused to start. When I called my boss to tell him I was going to be late, he told me not to come in at all and fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8708

You deserved it

799

Tweet

Share

By BEE - 10/10/2009 22:35 - United States

Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10211

You deserved it

47344

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 16:42 - United States

Today, I gave my two weeks notice at work. My boss sighed with relief and muttered, "Thank God." FML

I agree, your life sucks

25811

You deserved it

6335

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/4/2016 21:01 - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18341

You deserved it

5427

Tweet

Share

By turtle - 12/7/2011 13:26 - United States

Today, I saw a turtle on the road so I swerved, and hit a tree. The people behind me then hit the turtle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38471

You deserved it

12637

Tweet

Share

By thefrightening1 - 5/9/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31279

You deserved it

3467

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/8/2016 20:53 - United States - Central Islip

Today, the guy I've been crushing on at work finally asked me out to lunch. I was nervous we wouldn't have anything to talk about. He spent the entire hour talking about how amazing his new girlfriend is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14242

You deserved it

1215

Tweet

Share

By afraid of flying too - 24/6/2013 23:24 - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, I'm left with two non-refundable tickets to Jamaica, because my now ex-boyfriend said his Quidditch tournament is more important than seeing my "fat ass in a bikini". FML

I agree, your life sucks

53791

You deserved it

6615

Tweet

Share

By wrong state for that shit - 22/8/2020 04:48 - United States - Hesperia

Weird accusation, lady

Today, my uncle’s girlfriend’s paranoid jealousy hit a new low. I woke up to several nasty, threatening texts from her, accusing me of sleeping with my own uncle. According to her, no uncle and niece could possibly be as close as he and I are without something freaky going on. I really hate her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1944

You deserved it

94

Tweet

Share

By Rachel - 18/5/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, I was planning on meeting my friend at the mall. She came late, and I was in the dressing room trying on a few things. When I came out to meet her, she looked at me oddly and said, "You shouldn't buy that, it looks terrible on you." Those were the clothes I came in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50571

You deserved it

5307

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/9/2011 23:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend, the girl I completely love, is now dating my father. She tried giving me the "I know I'm not your mother..." speech. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58636

You deserved it

2993

Tweet

Share

By cherbear1000 - 17/6/2013 04:33 - United States - Nottingham

Today, my daughter had ice cream while I was napping. She didn't want me to know so she put the bowl in the trashcan and put the spoon in the garbage disposal and turned it on, because she thought it would make the spoon disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46715

You deserved it

5697

Tweet

Share

By officework - 24/9/2015 19:09 - Canada - Toronto

Today, during the "what can your manager do to help with your career aspirations" section of my annual review, my manager basically told me she wouldn't help me and I should quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22371

You deserved it

1644

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/3/2012 17:00 - United States

Today, I went to Hooters for lunch. My food was brought to me by a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29534

You deserved it

16768

Tweet

Share

By highleyj - 1/4/2009 08:16 - United States

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

94037

You deserved it

19862

Tweet

Share

By stinky car - 16/8/2013 03:18 - United States - Bessemer

Today, I went on a new medicine. One of the listed side-effects was "anal seepage" and I spent the better part of the day laughing with my coworkers about how it's "not a real side-effect". I found out that it really is while stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the way home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43923

You deserved it

10366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 21:02 - United States - Hillsboro

Smooth sailing

Today, I found out the man I've been wanting to marry for a year and a half wants us to take a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

263

You deserved it

32

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/8/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35491

You deserved it

4553

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444193 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:17

Stop using bricks as mouth gags.

By laowang | 13

#7444145 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 16:56

How hard?!!

COMMENTS

By laowang | 13

#7444145 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 16:56

How hard?!!

Reply

CantTouchThat | 27

#7444150 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:09

That's what he said

By Cali | 54

#7444158 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:17

...on what exactly?

By 8313girl | 28

#7444178 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 17:50

You got her with the line "Its ok, I don't bite." Then you bit her anyway. Shame!

By Elisabethandrine | 29

#7444187 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:06

"Doesn't matter, had sex?"

Reply

Cali | 54

#7444589 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 11:09

I will never stop loving that song.

By awildwhisper | 30

#7444193 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 18:17

Stop using bricks as mouth gags.

By species4872 | 19

#7444223 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 19:10

All pro's wear mouth guards.

By newbiemalestr8 | 24

#7444228 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 19:23

way to go, adding acrobatics to the bedroom, but everyone knows you need to use a safety net when you first start out. Oh, and be sure the trapeze is bolted into a ceiling joist

By wickedgetz | 29

#7444250 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 20:08

need to know how this happened. ... follow up please OP

By RockPrincess26 | 16

#7444290 - Tuesday 25 April 2017 21:04

What the fuck are you doing that makes you chip a tooth during sex?!

By NisaSayshi | 24

#7444435 - Wednesday 26 April 2017 1:33

Well, that's liking it rough next level.