Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I came home to see my husband talking to his penis. FML
Today, my wife picked up her phone, answered a text, added a few things to her phone's shopping list, and looked at her phone calendar to remind me I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow. She did all this whilst my penis was inside her, giving it my best effort as well. Self confidence zero. FML
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML
Today, my husband let me know he felt I was ignoring him by jabbing me in the right ear with his erect penis while I was Skyping with my mum overseas. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "The Fuckinator." FML
Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML
Today, my girlfriend text me and told me to do something sexy because she was going to FaceTime me. I eagerly dropped my pants and started stroking it to get ready for her. As soon as I opened her call, she was standing with my wife. I literally got caught with my dick in my hand. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TheSnakeDoctor20 17
That man is boss!
monkeysareyummy 0
New 'Americas Got Talent' contestant?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (312)
every1luvsboners 11
Thstz hue I typed tis coment. Im perty gud
StoryOfTheYear 15
Not, not a game. We talkin' 'bout PRACTICE.
Troll_spray 6
You have to use the swype feature on your phone its more accurate. *zips pants back up*
bubblepaarty 5
typing gets him excited? how can he keep it up that long? he must be proud. (x
fmlikecrazy 0
I'd like to know how he got hard in the first place.
fmlikecrazy 0
Hard enough to press the keys on a phone?
every1luvsboners 11
fmlikecrazy, if I bump into a wall the wrong way it's an awkward boner. Yes, hard enough to press the keys on a phone.
thatKidzmOm 10
Might be an iPhone...heat sensitive screen would make it quite easy to type.
StoryOfTheYear 15
To inform those who do not know, but might care to know the screen on an iPod touch is actually manipulated by electrical fields not heat. Also for those of you who don't know. A penis can get hard enough to manipulate a touch screen.
fuzz97 23
I'm sure you would like to know, you little wanker.
bobbycorwen 5
14 - Oh my. You know what... You are just sick.
twofirstnames 12
That takes skill (like I would know lol, but I could imagine) Kudos to him!
BubbleGrunge84 7
Hot! You should reward his penis with your ****** now
jmashini 13
You don't get to talk about penis and ****** when your clearly a 27 year old virgin. Shut it.
MrsPegg 45
47: that's pretty rude to say to someone you don't know. Bad comment on her behalf? Yes, but cmon now. play nice
thantomaniac 0
Phone fetishist much?
BubbleGrunge84 7
Ok sweet heart I'm not a Virgin and even if I was what is wrong with that...you are an ignorant fool
BubbleGrunge84 7
46 Ok sweet heart I'm not a Virgin and even if I was what is wrong with that...you are an ignorant fool..and frankly we don't come on FML to give nice sweet comments. It's hot cs it's her husband...that penis has been worse places...and if my hubby did that I would reward him...guess my sex life rocks to much for you to handle.
bebohacker1 4
I wish i could unthink images you have just put into my head. Thanks.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Giggity.
BubbleGrunge84 7
Gwen thank you...I don't understand why I had to be thumbed down because I made a comment about sex....If I was a male and made a sexually oriented comment I would have had a million thumbs up...but because I'm female suddenly everyone must confuse me as a ****/virgin/unattractive/looser. It's ok that is just the socially accepted way people react when a woman has a mans point of view. Btw if I could have I would have thumbed you up a bunch because your comment is so true!!!
ooyt453 1
OMG I wanna be able to do that lol
duckman9 55
practice makes perfect!
bobbycorwen 5
129 - Are you my relative?! Never mind. You are a duck... :(
upyourzlolz 11
Well, that's because you were the one showing him your ability to type with your nipple. This is a reference to an FML a while back.
v0rt3xtraz 3
guess its thin enough to hit something that small. sorry, but you don't have a real man
KeyboardWarrior 10
You are an idiot.
Troll_spray 6
Shall i spray #20 with some troll-spray?
LullzKitteh 1
finally, someone who gets it! I have trouble hitting the correct letters with my fingertips; how skinny is this guy's dick if he can successfully type out a sentence!
pandabella 0
Put him in a circus and see how much you can make off of his amazing talent. He's a keeper. :P
HappyJello 7
That is actually pretty cool. Kind of gross but pretty cool. Btw, you might not want to use that phone anymore...