Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML
Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read, "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML
Today, my house got broken into. Thankfully, they didn't steal anything. They did, however, move things around into strange places and mess up my underwear. I have severe OCD, so this is probably worse than if they had taken everything. FML
Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML
Today, someone broke into my house and stole all of my underwear. FML
Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML
Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML
Today, my apartment was broken into. The thief stole my TV, $350, and my Christmas tree. There is still a trail of broken ornaments from my living room to the door. FML
Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML
Today, I woke up to find out my house was robbed. He didn't steal anything of value, but he stole my beer, dog, and cat. FML
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Top comments
bleijar 4
Wow that's just immature. Sorry about it op
tanekdrachonae 19
Those were some really cocky burglars.
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Comments (65)
tanekdrachonae 19
Those were some really cocky burglars.
Lisee92 18
Like they say in England; ****** wankers!
slithergirl 5
Wow just wow
TheBrochure 22
Cow, just meow.
olpally 32
It was obviously Quagmire. Lol. That's just ******* disturbing though. Hope you're able to wash it off the furniture and walls.
shutupmichaela 18
Wow who did you piss off
kurodansei 16
From the windooooows to the wall(to the wall) Awwwwww skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet skeet awwwww skeet skeet my balls!
little_one 20
Till the sweat drips down my balls, and all these bitches crawl. Ah skeet skeet mother ******, ah skeet skeet god damn, god damn. *drops mic and walks away*
LittleBastard 20
Did they insemenate your furniture? If so. look on the bright side. Free furniture in nine months.
Welshite 39
That is probably the most horrifying mental image ever. I can just imagine people with cushions parasitically attached to their upholstered skin clawing their way out of the couch. They would have buttons for eyes and would have slashes in their faces with foam spilling out grotesquely. This is why I don't watch horror movies, people.
skyeyez9 24
But the furniture will not know who their daddy is.
pikachulove14 14
maybe they were saying they want to give you the D
jessBeAqueen 13
free interior designing ????
mcm_3 16
Sounds like better locks are in order
perdix 29
"The penis mightier than the sword."
Welshite 39
Depends, perdix. Short-sword or a two-handed broadsword? ;)
perdix 29
#25, little plastic sword used to hold an olive above your martini. Wah-waaaaaah.
davek 36
Suck it, Trebek.
little_one 20
What is penis sword. Can I have Skeet Skeet for 200?
caohm 18
I hope that comes out and doesn't leave any faded outlines it would weird to explain