Intimacy: Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight... - FML

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Spicy

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 970

You deserved it 6 919

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 24/11/2015 19:38 - Switzerland - Unterageri

Spicy

Today, something must be wrong with me. Last night, my dick went limper than overcooked spaghetti while in my wife's mouth, yet today I popped a massive boner that you could hammer nails with, while cutting the grass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 139

You deserved it 3 014

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Spicy

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 314

You deserved it 5 782

By polimeros - 09/05/2012 22:19 - Mexico - Queretaro

Spicy

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 616

You deserved it 41 858

By Anonymous - 21/11/2011 22:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, I popped a boner while my braces were being tightened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 913

You deserved it 7 514

Hard place

By RohnAbheek - 21/08/2011 17:36 - India

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend came over to stay the night. Before she arrived, I popped a Viagra to spice things up. She then informed me that she was on her period and didn't feel comfortable doing it. I had a headache and a massive boner all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 224

You deserved it 47 407

By MrAries - 02/03/2016 11:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 790

You deserved it 2 333

You learn something new every day

By Ben - 12/11/2020 19:06 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a boner and found out that I have retrograde ejaculation. I'm stuck in jail and can't get medication to fix this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 810

Morning glory

By Unwanted - 26/09/2025 20:00

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 89

Bye bye

By Anonymous - 15/11/2023 10:00

Spicy

Today, after years of impotence, I woke up with a raging boner. I was so happy until I remembered my wife divorced me last year because of my impotence. This depressed me so much that I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm to masturbate, and the boner went bye bye, never to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 153

By Anonycock - 06/01/2016 17:15 - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 845

You deserved it 3 915

Next

Top comments

AyeTee77 18

Saturday 3 October 2015 8:36

Dude what

urbantrashcan 18

Saturday 3 October 2015 8:42

Haha I wonder how'd you react to Animal Planet

Comments

labowski1976 5

Saturday 3 October 2015 14:54

Weird European people

oliviadanjou99 15

Saturday 3 October 2015 14:54

How does that happen lmao

MELKOZAR 27

Saturday 3 October 2015 16:27

Bro-code: Never waste a boner.

zombie_batman 9

Monday 5 October 2015 1:36

Bro code: never wank to 2 grasshoppers mating

vikky538 28

Saturday 3 October 2015 18:17

I just threw up reading this.

HunterMark 14

Saturday 3 October 2015 20:24

What the actual ****?!

mcluvin_707 6

Saturday 3 October 2015 21:03

God didn't abandon us. We abandoned God.

smirnoff1589 9

Saturday 3 October 2015 21:31

You my friend are in need of some intensive professional help. That and you should watch the movie "the fly". I'm sure That'd get you right off you sick ****

silky_mitts 11

Saturday 3 October 2015 22:55

Enjoy the acne

blargblah 12

Saturday 3 October 2015 23:46

You're gonna have to explain that one.

mkayden 23

Sunday 4 October 2015 0:54

Mate u wot

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The Top

Today, I got back home to my completely locked-up apartment after a long and stressful family visit. On digging through my nice clean clothes for something comfy to change into, I was set upon and stung by a great dirty wasp hiding in there. How the fuck did it get in? Are there more of them in here with me?! FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 132

Today, my boyfriend tried to compliment my date-night attire. His brain couldn't decide between, "So pretty" and, "You're the shit," so his mouth decided, "You're so shitty" would suffice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 304

Today, I had to explain to my father why it isn't a good idea to shove a metal knife into the toaster when trying to get at a small piece of toast. This man is 45-years-old and has a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 931

You deserved it 3 783

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 499

You deserved it 6 112

Today, my dog woke me up with the sound of vomiting. I immediately got up and tried to figure out what he was doing. After 30 minutes, he didn’t vomit, just kept making the sounds. I banished him from my presence for some more shuteye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 296

You deserved it 212

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 064

You deserved it 36 602