Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
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Top comments
Thale_fml 8
... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
Parazad 16
At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.
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Comments (135)
itsalanis 25
what a great situation for grandma. not for you, however.
Senior29 8
how does she even knw? she better not be sneakpeaking at you?
CarlysTomorrow 0
Grandmothers know all....creppy!!
sourgirl101 29
Maybe he brought his girlfriend over to the house /with/ him after he played a sport. It's him jumping in the shower. It's not hard to understand the need to get clean and have the GF wait, 5minutes. (:
peskyplant 5
my bf takes showers when I'm at his place, why? because he likes smelling good for me. that's probably why he did it.
redbluegreen 41
But it makes more sense to shower before someone comes over than have them wait around for you to get ready.
DjeePee 25
5 minutes? Let us hope so, my boyfriend stays a whole hour in the shower.
Leadamp 7
you kind of deserve it for showering while your girlfriend was over for the first time but how did your grandmother know that you jerk off in the shower.
ilovepotatoes419 14
ikr
OrgasmicBunnies 9
Grandma always knows how to **** block.
whoa_is_failz 6
that awkward moment when
OrgasmicBunnies 9
You get a boner in Starbucks then 2 hot girls ask you to take a picture?
AaronTkr 0
grandma troll
AnagenisisZagus 13
...Granny SWAT teams the door and exposes your wanking activities.
aramross91 7
.... someone posts "that awkward moment when"...
Jesus_Christ69 0
when what? hm? can you answer that for me?
DjeePee 25
I don't think the grandma tried to be funny, and even if she was, I would still find it a too awkward conversation to go on with it.
Legendslayer222 26
That awkward moment when it looks like you didn't finish your sentence?
gOlfwAng_fml 0
that's why you shut her up and say, "nah, that's my girlfriend's job now."
sourgirl101 29
Embarrassing the girlfriend in front of grandma isn't going to win you brownie points. Perhaps you should rethink that comment. (:
scs90 0
"no grama like i told u before. thats grampa. ya dumb bitch" lmao
Sheh_fml 25
Why the hell would you shower when your girlfriend is there? I would advise you to take care of basic hygiene BEFORE getting guest, so you don't have to leave them alone, which can be really awkward if they are over for the first time and don't know your family. Also, basic hygiene does help you keep a chick for more than a few days.