Miscellaneous: Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My...

By Ep1cF4ce - 26/07/2011 04:03 - United States

Today, I was sleeping like a baby on our living room couch. My older brother and his friends lit my slippers on fire. While I was wearing them. They even took a video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 010

You deserved it 3 412

Miscellaneous

Drugs are bad, well, some of them

Worst workplace ever

The Teaching Life

By Nikki - 03/08/2009 13:26 - United States

Today, I was baby sitting my little cousin when we decided to go outside and have a "treasure hunt" in the backyard. The first thing we found? The bones of her pet dog that had passed away four years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 215

You deserved it 5 684

By joolsie - 28/02/2010 02:03 - United Kingdom

Today, after a particularly gruesome nightmare about spiders due to my irrational phobia, I decided to try and desensitise myself by googling 'house spiders'. I can't stop the feeling of something crawling over every inch of my body, but at least I now know they can live up to six years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 664

You deserved it 7 321

By HoboWithACondom - 31/08/2019 16:01

Today, my boss fired me because he found out I'm dating his daughter. Now I'm concerned what he might do if he finds out she's pregnant with my child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 716

By oblivious idiot - 12/02/2016 07:50

Today, I was playing Badminton in P.E, and I was paired with a particularly pretty girl, who for some reason kept asking stupid questions that we both knew the answers to. I've only now just realized that she was trying to initiate conversation with me. This is why I have no friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 524

You deserved it 7 159

Gigs

By Anonymous - 22/03/2019 20:00

Today, I went to see my favorite band in concert. Not only did the people next to me have a loud conversation through the entire set, the guy behind me repeatedly tried to lecture me for head-butting him. Given he was a foot taller than me, I'm not even sure how that was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 903

You deserved it 131

By mr_loveless - 11/02/2013 07:19 - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 243

You deserved it 10 643

By SMS123 - 25/06/2010 19:42 - United States

Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 409

You deserved it 4 775

By Klepto - 15/11/2009 17:34 - United States

Today, I sent a Facebook friend request to the guy who had the party I was at last night. I immediately realized, however, that my new profile picture is of me, smiling and holding the trophy I stole from his house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 282

You deserved it 73 081

By milkysubstance - 14/03/2017 05:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the doctor's to find out why I was producing small amounts of milky liquid from my nipples, even though I'm not pregnant. When she asked me to show her, I squirted on her shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 051

You deserved it 481

By Harry - 29/11/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 468

You deserved it 43 896

By ImNotFat - 07/08/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 779

You deserved it 15 487

By Anonymous - 12/08/2015 04:05 - United States - Racine

Today, my mom got angry that I wasn't responding to her texts. I couldn't because I was in the dentist's chair. She'd dropped me off, and after returning from errands, sent the text from the waiting room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 841

You deserved it 1 629

Hopefully…

By dinkley7 - 10/10/2021 20:01

Today, I was told to go fuck myself twice because I asked people to wear masks. Only a month and a half of this left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 263

By Opplyst11 - 18/03/2009 20:37 - United States

Today, I was nude modeling for the first time for a life art class. The only criteria for the class was that I not move at all while being observed. After a few seconds I noticed a really hot girl drawing me. I got a hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 124

You deserved it 30 423

By Trey Deluna - 03/12/2010 17:12 - United States

Today, my mother asked me to drill a hole in one of the studs in her ceiling. Finding it a little odd, I asked her about it. It turns out she's installing the sex swing her boyfriend bought her, and I got to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 431

You deserved it 3 134

By Anonymous - 18/10/2015 12:53 - United States

Today, my mom was talking about my grandma's approaching death. When she saw I was getting upset, she gave me a weird look and asked me if I was PMSing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 791

You deserved it 1 759

Mission: Do it all over

By SonjaPea - 27/08/2021 21:01 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I spent 5 hours working on emails for work in a desperate attempt to get back on top of my task list. Having written about 45 emails waiting in my outbox to go out first thing Monday morning, Outlook has "stopped responding". I might've just lost them all and worked through the day for nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 798

You deserved it 131

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 969

You deserved it 6 877

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 18:00

Today, I went paint-balling with my girlfriend. As we drove she was scared about getting shot a lot, especially in the head. I reassured her that with all the protective gear it was unlikely. First round, within a minute, she gets shot 3 times in the back of the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 865

You deserved it 802

Nun the wiser

By Anonymous - 11/07/2021 16:01

Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 102

By reallyhighschool - 03/12/2013 16:34 - United States - Torrance

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 921

You deserved it 4 653

By Anon - 17/02/2012 20:43 - United States

Today, I sneezed while I was in the middle of getting a root canal. I managed to warn the dentist that I was going to sneeze, but he didn't manage to get the tools out of my mouth in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 529

You deserved it 2 073

By ufhdafuhds - 19/03/2009 23:31 - Egypt

Today, I decided to have sex for the first time with my boyfriend. It was his first time too. While in bed, he blankly stopped and stood up and got out a piece of paper from his pockets. Turns out, he had written instructions on what to do while in bed, and forgot what he had to do next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138 530

You deserved it 14 376

By DumbCuntApparently - 27/02/2013 20:52 - Netherlands - Hilversum

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 005

You deserved it 4 435

By Upset - 10/06/2013 23:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 900

You deserved it 4 202

By yum yogurt - 30/10/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 328

You deserved it 17 089

Emergency haircut

By Anonymous - 26/06/2020 02:02

Today, I told off my crazy sister-in-law after she made my wife cry for putting on weight during lockdown. Then, as I was sleeping in my armchair, the crazy bitch snuck into the house and cut off every single one of my meter-long dreadlocks. Now I got a BALD HEAD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 175

You deserved it 329

By Whywhywhy - 20/08/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 258

You deserved it 360

Fuck the lifescript

By Angela - 08/03/2021 00:28 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my twice-divorced boomer mother made another passive-aggressive remark about my partner and I not being married, despite our 13-year relationship. What is this, 1950? We don't care about marriage, deal with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 232

By wrongplacewrongtime - 22/02/2013 06:12 - United States - San Antonio

Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 858

You deserved it 58 066

By ughhhh - 03/05/2014 21:10 - United States

Today, my mom spent over $200 getting me tested for every drug in the book. All because I admitted to smoking a single cigarette two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 628

You deserved it 7 943

By pocketrocket90 - 08/08/2014 06:05 - Australia - Capalaba

Today, I got a call from my very drunk boyfriend at 1:30am asking for my permission to have sex with a "gross fat chick" he met at a pub, because he "felt sorry for her". The conversation ended with me getting hung up on because I "don't have a heart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 259

You deserved it 5 301

By Skankeriffic - 19/02/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 203

You deserved it 30 615

Mom of the year

By lana - 28/09/2021 21:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I was feeling suicidal and needed to talk to someone about it, so I called up the only person in the world who cares about me: my mom. Or so I thought. Her immediate response was, “You should go ahead and end it.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 100

By THATgirl - 26/01/2018 15:00

Today, our wedding venue canceled on us, leaving us 8 months to find another in peak foliage season. My parents contacted the local news over the ordeal, but they're using my name and picture to make me look like a whiny brat who didn’t get her way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 993

You deserved it 1 175

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:27 - United States - Mountain View

Today, I punished my new dog for going potty inside by putting him in the kennel. He punished me by breaking out of the kennel and destroying everything in my house. Including Christmas presents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 172

You deserved it 3 314

By its still broken - 11/06/2015 00:13 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my neighbor came over to borrow my lawnmower. As I have previously loaned it to him and he returned it broken, I refused. He then promptly ate the strawberries off my daughter's small strawberry plant and stormed off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 580

You deserved it 1 961

By LasagnaRawks - 14/10/2009 20:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I was listening to music, talking to a boy I like on MSN. He asked if I could share the song I was listening to, so I did. It wasn't until I had shared and fully transferred it did I realise it was actually the fake radio show I record on my own, in a phoney Australian accent. All 6 minutes of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 38 306

By vikinggirl - 13/09/2010 09:14 - Australia

Today, I asked my boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding you a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 037

You deserved it 13 490

Priorities

By Anonymous - 20/03/2016 15:58 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my father-in-law left my wedding reception because he had to feed the dog. This would have been alright, if he hadn't been absent for nearly two hours. Apparently, just feeding the dog and leaving would have hurt the animal's feelings so he stayed to play with him for a while. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 931

You deserved it 1 831

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

HollyoaksFan93 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:09

Set his hair on fire while he's sleeping..

Mirorbo 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:09

The idea of 'humor' in the human mind is turning rather primitive these days...

HollyoaksFan93 9

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:09

Set his hair on fire while he's sleeping..

genesisnirvana 11

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 13:03

then post both videos up.

flagg1888 3

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 13:12

a very extreme reaction there

KK3137 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 13:55

It's like Prank vs Prank on yutube, except Sibling Wars...

wolflover44 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 14:13

Or you could go for the pubic hair, if you dare. Supposedly it's still flammable.

dre_bro11 12

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 14:25

KK3137, it's nothing like PVP on YouTube. You don't see them lighting each other on fire do you? They stick to the harmless, messy but still funny jokes, not the 'Lets give your feet fire burns' jokes.

victimization 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 14:59

imo he deserves it for wearing slippers.

slightlypyro1996 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 15:20

don't pass out with your shoes on..

xoluvinshayxo 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 16:52

and don't have sex if she's too goneee

ohhaixp 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 17:17

light a match and put it between his toes while he is sleeping, and then watch as the match slowly burns down while slowly rubbing your hands together and grinning keenly. nice little college prank when it burns the f*** out of his toe he'll jump his ass right up

dolphincheddar 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 17:34

wincest?

theaws0m3guy 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 18:13

Video or it's fake! ;)

jess_h14 2

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:21

when it comes to condoms put two on..

justbigbs 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:20

#1 had a good suggestion, how about pissing on his clothes, particular underwear, socks, t shirt

FAYUL12345100 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 July 2011 1:17

Dangit, that's just what I was thinking! How about the nose hair as well?

PutItIn 8

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 July 2011 7:30

Light his pubic hair on fire to see if it's "flammable"

ThEKID96 4

Send a private message

Sunday 31 July 2011 0:42

Send me the link to the video :) but seriously that sucks. If my brother lit one of my belongings on fire I'd light him on fire.

Futacy 29

Send a private message

Thursday 11 August 2011 22:38

rip his arm off set it on fire and beat him with it while he's asleep. at least that's what i would do ;D mwahahahahahahahaha!

Mirorbo 26

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:09

The idea of 'humor' in the human mind is turning rather primitive these days...

anencephalic 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 13:53

Well, boys will be boys.

Daniruu 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 14:12

Only the ones that act like total douches.

dolphincheddar 10

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 17:36

and girls will be raging kitchen natzis filled with PMS

foreverjoseph 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 19:15

you spelled nazi wrong

robbiboyo 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 20:47

hey, you didn't say darling.

EvilDoll 7

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:09

burn baby burn. minus the disco-inferno part.

justalilrandom2 4

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 14:48

Burn baby burn, slipper inferno...

IscoreOnU 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 15:08

If her slippers are on fire im sure she will be up and dancing around. So that part fits.

AKlesbian907 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:11

revenge.

itsalanis 24

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:13

my goodness, what was going through his mind, other than stupidity and senseless humor? :

Jacobt24 19

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:22

"Man this is gonna be AWESOME! It's recording right?"

Sunshyne_Daedree 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:24

Has Asher Roth taught you nothing? "Dont pass out with your shoes on." XD

JessiskaDawn 5

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 12:27

next time he's asleep on the couch tie a rope to his pants or underwear & tie the rope to something and then pick up the side of the couch! atomic wedgie!

KK3137 31

Send a private message

Tuesday 26 July 2011 13:58

OR tie a string to his pants and connect it to the bottom of the couch. that way when he stands up... well, you see what I'm getting at. That is, of course, if you're going primitive instead of intelligent