Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
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Top comments
Thale_fml 8
... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
Parazad 16
At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.
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Comments (135)
jacksonclarke 0
jacking off is funner with company
Piinkdottx3 5
i like your grandma!
sammybearbby 6
hahaha, embarrassing for sure! I'm sorry bro, :)
kaylapple 1
thats pretty embarrassing. gotta love your grandma!
ilovepotatoes419 14
thanks grandma!!!!
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
If granny ain't getting any then neither should you!
goneawol 1
lol
ladyreal420 3
grandmas like embarrassing us. LOL but its not a big deal everybody does it, even the chick you had over , she just won't admit it. so not to feel ashamed
whyisblue 0
sounds like a sticky situation...
Jesus_Christ69 0
Hah! First pun I've seen on this FML. good job sir, quite clever.
Madiluvsyuh98 2
2-you're a hater... hating on jersey shore?!?!?!?! you must be crazy!!!!