Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to sneak into the shower at her house while her parents went out to eat and a movie. Half way through our shower we heard a knocking at the door, it was her mom. We had left all of our clothes downstairs. Safe to say I won't be allowed there any more. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I enjoyed a lovely shower together. It was indeed lovely until her father came into the washroom to say “Welcome to the family!” whilst taking a giant shit. FML
Today, I started coming on to my girlfriend, only to get a nasty rejection. I told her I would just go jerk off, to which she replied, "Don't you dare!" FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, my girlfriend got pissed because she thought she heard me masturbating in the bathroom. I was brushing my teeth. FML
Today, I decided to spend a few days at my grandma's house, to help her clean the place up a bit. So far, she's given me a "no masturbating under my roof" talk, used multiple racist slurs, and yelled "QUIET DOWN!" when I so much as sneezed in the next room. FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home to introduce her to my parents. As we arrived, my grandpa was leaving the bathroom. He looked over at my girlfriend with a worried expression and said, "Never take a shit in this place. Feels like I wiped my arsehole with sandpaper." FML
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Top comments
Thale_fml 8
... why would you take a shower when your girlfriend had finally come to your house to visit, anyway?
Parazad 16
At least your grandmother has a sense of humor.
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Comments (135)
sleepyN 0
op: ur grandma is tired of you always clogging the drain
dolphincheddar 10
and your profile is wonderfully descriptive! :)
theaws0m3guy 4
Choptoxicity- You hate Family Guy?...well...this is awkward.
Madiluvsyuh98 2
116- thanks! 117- I know right! that's why I'm called shit head... :)
bsthunter 0
the only reason to take a shower when your girls over is to shower with her
Jesus_Christ69 0
I liked family guys old episodes but choptoxity come on, how can you not like two n a half men? yes I understand the jersey shore though. it has no plot other than going to the beach during the day, go to a party during the night and when the get back they either bang the girl they're with or fight with eachother.
dani212 0
Well, were you?
PrimeStarscream 30
Your gf should find that hot.
Jesus_Christ69 0
perhaps this was meant to be replied to your comment?
sarasweetie 0
why would you even take a shower when your girlfriend was at your house in the first place?! and for the first time too? doesn't make sense. i'd leave if i was her.