Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt me jump out of bed, heard me run to the bathroom and throw up, then looked up five seconds later to see me take a massive dump on her bath mat. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, my girlfriend caught me picking my nose and eating the booger. FML
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML
Today, I was talking to this girl who I thought was really nice. We were having an amazing conversation, and as we stared deeply in one another's eyes, she asked me, "Has anyone ever seen you take a shit?" She then began telling me the story of when someone watched her. FML
Today, I woke up to my 2-year-old daughter hitting me in the face. She had just pooped her nappy and put her hands down her pants to "feel it squish around." FML
Today, I found out that every time my girlfriend takes a big dump, she pretends as if she's giving birth and screams uncontrollably. I just moved in with her. FML
Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML
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Top comments
hghrider123456 9
That's when you say "yes, it has a boo-boo, will you kiss and make it better?"
misspulkadot24 17
Which cheek?
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Comments (118)
SweetasCandy0609 28
lol OP I love your username, it suits your fml very good.
Michael903 18
I thought so too! There are certain boundaries that couples need to respect. Bodily waste is one of them.
lolita88_fml 27
noweddingforyou I applaud your choice in username
every1luvsboners 11
She obviously wants you to shat on a glass table while she lays under it and watches the lava flow. I've done it a couple times, thanks to Craigslist and $3. It's tough out there.
jkmartinjk 16
Wish I could unread that.
HawkXgamin 5
Haha, ya I'd see why it would be in comfortable to stink up the bathroom on front of her
bthecook 2
Which cheek?
Slimbo305 11
Just Mr Hankey the x-mas poo. Tell her to give you a blunkin next time lol
queerdragon 20
You need to talk more about limits and what you are comfortable with. She might be used to a home where people dont mind ********, bathing, etc. with other people around. My sister was like this for a long time, she would try to come into the bathroom while I was showering to do her make-up. Problem solved when we bought her a dressing table with a nice light and mirror to do stuff like pluck her eyebrows and do her make-up. That might be a simple solution to shit "shitty" problem.
threer 30
I love because you have a story with everything and it's always great! Thanks for being the best everrr!!
sc3ptical 30
Ahh, good ol' Canadian women.
Musicsthecure 8
Am I the only person who finds this absolutely hilarious?
jbtheone_fml 5
Time to ask for a blumpkin