Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her... - FML

By Anonymous - 10/1/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, this girl I like just told me a funny story about her pooping adventures. We shared a laugh and she told me "I could never say that to my boyfriend, but I can to you. I don't know, it's like the uglier the boy, the more comfortable I am with him." FML

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Understandable

Season finale

Fairytale ending

By Natalie - 14/7/2012 16:46 - United States - Odessa

Today, my father, who's never played much part in my life, told me how proud he is of me. I choked back tears, and we hugged for the first time in years. Later, I choked back my rage when I saw he'd opened my mail and obviously planned on leeching my new-found SSI money off me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2015 07:21 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

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By edavis1993 - 6/10/2015 15:29 - United States - Milford

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

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By cynicalcindy - 19/2/2009 09:06 - United States

Today, I visited my brother in jail for the first time. I didn't know what to say so I blurted out : "Are you having fun ?" FML

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By hfksorws - 8/10/2010 01:57 - France

Today, I was at Barnes and Noble with my dad, where he refused to buy me a book because I "already read too much." FML

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By UnfortunatelySingle - 21/7/2015 06:15 - United States - Portland

Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML

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By shite - 10/1/2014 21:46 - United Kingdom

Today, it was my first day at my new job. Not only does everyone hate me for replacing a guy they all liked, I managed to clog the only functional toilet there. The glares and threatening head-shaking they keep doing probably means I'm screwed. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/12/2012 06:31

Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML

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By Lotje13 - 1/1/2012 00:19 - Hungary

Today, I was sleeping over at a friend's house. I went and took a shower, and as I tried to get out, the door jammed. I called my friend for help, and after much tugging, the glass shattered all over me. She panicked and sent her dad to rescue me. It was the first time he and I had met. FML

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By emsbuffalo - 4/1/2012 06:15 - United States

Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 19:16 - United States

Today, I awoke to make-up all over my face and nail polish on my hands and feet because my daughter wanted "daddy to look pretty." I have a job interview in an hour and none of it is coming off. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2012 20:53 - United States - International Falls

Today, I was sleeping in after working a graveyard shift. I awoke to my girlfriend sneaking her stuff out of the house. She planned on leaving her key on my pillow and taking off without any notice whatsoever. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/5/2015 01:22 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I got stopped by people asking for donations for their charity services. Being who I am, I hate saying no to people, so I told them "I don't have any money, only my card." Did you know they also accept payment by card? FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2015 16:58 - Australia

Today, I saw a real, erect penis for the first time. My brother's, while he was jerking off. He doesn't know I saw, because he was holding a pair of panties over his face with his other hand. I'm trying like hell to act like I'm not mentally scarred. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/6/2009 04:28 - United States

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 06:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

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By Boo - 8/8/2019 08:01 - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

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By friendless - 19/3/2018 11:00 - United States - Spokane

#rude

Today, I invited my only friend to my birthday party and she said no, not because she couldn’t go, but because she didn’t want to. FML

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By Paige - 26/12/2011 06:35 - United States

Today, my parents gave me an iPhone. They then checked my grades online, and promptly took it away. FML

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By scooter922 - 15/7/2012 07:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got home from the hospital after I burned my hand. Why? I dropped my phone in the pot while stirring hot soup, and I reached in to get it. FML

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By Sick'o'bitches - 4/9/2018 03:30

Today, I spent my entire day off making a brisket. It had been cooking for 8 hours when, just before dinner, I went for a quick jog. In that time my girlfriend came home and ruined it by trying to make it the way she wanted. I'm a chef and she's an office worker. We couldn't eat it. FML

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By Username - 4/8/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/6/2011 00:59 - United States

Today, my professor handed me back a paper I spent hours upon hours working on. At the bottom in red it said "D" followed by, "that was a gift." FML

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By Anonymous - 22/5/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, my dad asked me to unpack the groceries he'd brought home. When he saw me come across a bottle of lube, then he told me how my mom had hit menopause and, as a result, her vaginal dryness made sex harder for the two of them. FML

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By BrokeAsFuck - 18/10/2012 23:52 - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2018 09:00 - United States - Fairbanks

Good morning!

Today, while I brewed myself a cup of coffee, my best friend began screwing around with a can opener like it was nunchucks. He looked at me and said, "Wouldn't it suck if-" as he flung it around and one of the handles flew off, directly into my testicles. FML

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By whoslade - 28/6/2012 17:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to a punch in the balls. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/11/2009 08:54 - United States

Today, I sent my main man a picture of the two of us out on our second date. He immediately added it to his MySpace account, with the caption, "clubbin with my hoe." FML

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By mcullen21 - 12/6/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, In my science class I sit next to my friend Jill. My teacher always gets our names confused calling me Jill and her Liz. She decided to combine our names. I'm now known as Jizz. My teacher clearly has no idea what it means. FML

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By Renna303 - 18/9/2017 20:00

Today, I dropped my 6-month-old $3,500 guitar. Luckily, it had a one year warranty from the store so I drove back. It was shut down. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2012 12:12 - United States

Today, the guy I've been madly in love with for ages finally asked me out. I excitedly said yes. I waited a half an hour for him to show up, with another girl and say, "Where's your date?" I was asked to go on a double date, but apparently he forgot to tell me. FML

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By Huedadaa - 19/10/2013 00:05 - France - Cauffry

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

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By michellemoyah - 25/2/2012 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to a dance with the boy I like. To my delight, he tried to pick me up. To my dismay, he couldn't. FML

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By Nicoleanne - 20/11/2016 14:08

Today, I hosted an open house. I forgot about it and arrived as they were leaving. There were dirty dishes and laundry everywhere, and my dildo was on my dresser. FML

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By Username - 13/2/2011 21:06 - United States

Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/12/2010 22:16 - United Kingdom

Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML

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By wallbanger - 7/2/2010 12:31 - Australia

Today, my seven-year-old sister came to stay at my house for the night. She usually just sleepwalks. But tonight she sleep-peed in my clean clothes basket. FML

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By WTFFAIL - 3/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

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By Jmdezy - 5/4/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

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Top comments

By nut_hicky66 | 0

#766370 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:15

wow...fyl for sure...you should've just slapped her and told her to fuck off...

By spazz1824 | 0

#766374 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:16

definately would have told her off for being that rude. what a bitch

COMMENTS

By nut_hicky66 | 0

#766370 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:15

wow...fyl for sure...you should've just slapped her and told her to fuck off...

Reply

lendmeyourteeth | 0

#766437 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:28

init way to pick the classy ladies ;)

Reply

PeopleRSoDumb | 0

#766490 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:49

Shoulda been like... "Yeah, totally. And the chubbier the chick, the grosser the stories she tells."

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#766505 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:58

Lol calm down people, shes just making humor

You guys should learn to not take it so serious =p

Reply

jessxoxo28 | 5

#766540 - Sunday 10 January 2010 21:22

LMAO #14!!!
sure it may be humor, but its still pretty bitchy of her to say that

Reply

Reyo | 2

#766655 - Sunday 10 January 2010 22:56

There's a difference between "Lol, you so ugly *playful shove*" and "Man...you're ugly *awkwared silence*"

Reply

Dimmak_fml | 1

#767275 - Monday 11 January 2010 3:56

In Soviet Russia, poop takes you!

Reply

Flutist | 3

#767454 - Monday 11 January 2010 5:45

In Soviet Russia you would have been shot for that joke.

Reply

Gothgrl39 | 0

#767673 - Monday 11 January 2010 9:06

Agreed

Reply

ffmmllyaya | 0

#793620 - Saturday 23 January 2010 19:49

I found that to be true too. I'm a straight male n if the girl isn't extremely attractive I have more fun. if she is extremely attractive I usually have other stuff on my mind or try too hard

Reply

fuzz97 | 23

#849644 - Friday 12 February 2010 22:49

@#1: werd.

Reply

Blame_The_Dog | 0

#1047342 - Monday 28 June 2010 19:58

no. #1 is wrong, you should of simply raped her. Stole her money, and told her If she tells she dies.

Reply

pwincessa23 | 1

#1170255 - Sunday 1 August 2010 10:02

it's one of the girls from two girls one cup! ewww! jk lol

Reply

purplewheels | 0

#3114380 - Monday 15 August 2011 20:56

Haha

Reply

alliewillie | 22

#3916867 - Saturday 21 January 2012 2:59

... And you like her because of her sparkling personality? Apparent friendliness? Compassion towards others feelings?

Seriously I'm drawing a blank.

By JassyJas | 2

#766372 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:15

buuuurn

By spazz1824 | 0

#766374 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:16

definately would have told her off for being that rude. what a bitch

By BB7 | 0

#766399 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:20

YDI for being friend with a bitch

By iamgoofymovie | 0

#766402 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:21

haha that's funny

By holaworld | 0

#766415 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:24

wow harsh much

By Invisable_No_one | 0

#766419 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:25

tell her she's fat...that'll get her

By MadeOfAwesome | 1

#766420 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:25

"pooping adventures"?! I fail to see what it is adventurous about shitting

Reply

neko_ceko | 3

#766609 - Sunday 10 January 2010 22:05

Haha that's funny

Reply

rogeriskira | 5

#809955 - Saturday 30 January 2010 19:33

Yeah what can be so adventurous about that?

By marycharles | 0

#766468 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:38

wowww. that's a diss

By kiendudu | 2

#766480 - Sunday 10 January 2010 20:46

youll get your girl mate