Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his...

By Anonymous - 24/05/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's dad asked me if I wanted to drive his 2008 Jaguar XKR. Excitedly, I agreed. He then spent the next hour discussing with me how masturbation is a great alternative to sex, and a great way to remain abstinent. I didn't get to drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 019

You deserved it 4 855

Mother's Day: Sweets and Bummers
Between disastrous breakfasts in bed and unusual gifts, Mother's Day is an inexhaustible source of laughter. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

TMI, dude

By linren - 28/03/2009 18:40 - United States

Today, I was riding in the car with my new boyfriend. He had "something serious" to tell me. He started to emotionally confess his addiction to masturbation. In detail. The drive was two hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 296

You deserved it 7 642

Timing is important

By effingdoucher - 30/01/2011 06:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a guy I met at my friend's party. He stopped mid-thrust, climbed off, and started talking about how nervous he is about buying his first car next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 831

You deserved it 11 021

By Teamarie - 11/08/2009 15:21 - United States

Today, as I was driving my dad home, I got a text message. My dad, who doesn't want me texting while I'm driving, decided to read the text message to me. He began to repeat a message from my boyfriend recounting the amazing sex we had the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 125

You deserved it 20 990

By anon. - 03/01/2011 11:37 - New Zealand

Today, I went for a drive with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad was kind enough to point out at every opportunity girls "that would be better for him than me". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 498

You deserved it 3 083

Teenage PDA warning

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house, and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home, and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15-minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 681

You deserved it 6 818

By orgasmicriding - 22/12/2012 22:55 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, because my boyfriend drives a 2-seated sports car, I had to awkwardly sit on his brother's lap as we drove to the store. I soon felt a poking sensation through his pants, just a few minutes before we hit a bumpy road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 242

You deserved it 7 000

Stop talking, stop talking now

By Anonymous - 14/06/2012 15:49 - United States

Today, I went out of town with my mother-in-law. I don't know what posessed her to start questioning me about her son's and my sex life. When I told her I wasn't talking about that, she began to dicuss her and my father-in-law's bedroom habits. The car ride was two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 117

You deserved it 2 660

Creepy but funny

By Anonymous - 01/06/2012 20:46 - Greece - Athens

Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "Recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 830

You deserved it 3 096

Get on with it

By deflated - 09/08/2009 16:54 - Ireland

Today, as my girlfriend was dropping me home, our goodbye kiss got kind of heavy. Still parked in my drive, we had fast, frenzied sex. After, we realised that she had never put the hand brake on and that we had rolled down my drive, blocking my dad who was patiently waiting to pull in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 818

You deserved it 59 740

By Anonymous - 18/07/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 068

You deserved it 3 887

sawdy 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

You don't get to drive, he doesn't get to keep his daughter a virgin... seems simple enough

Scott_George 0

Sunday 24 May 2009 20:07

that has always been my greatest nightmare...

Comments

LoveToSmile101 0

Tuesday 26 May 2009 16:25

Lmao at #9 and 73!

peopleplz2008 0

Wednesday 27 May 2009 8:12

agree with #3

Lucy111 0

Wednesday 27 May 2009 17:00

thank god my boyfriends parents hate me....

Loony_fml 4

Wednesday 27 May 2009 19:30

That was a trick question that really meant, "Do you want to **** my daughter?" You failed.

deadpoetic333 0

Friday 29 May 2009 5:26

My girlfriends father gave my girlfriend a long ass talk about how all I want is sex and how I'm gonna offer her drugs... I haven't touched the mary jane in 8 months and don't plan on it =S. Ive met her father once when i came over to study like 5 months ago (I only go to her mothers or she comes over) and we only shook hands and said hi. This all came up after she posted a picture (completely her choice) of 3 fat hickies on her chest and 2 on her neck, and her father went on her myspace... yeahh, so now im hated and he directly told her he's gonna kill me =D. haha.

Punk_Monkey 0

Wednesday 3 June 2009 5:14

Sucks 4 u that's an awsome car

mustlovemarvin 0

Tuesday 9 June 2009 23:36

Have sex with her in his bed.

flying_vegan 0

Wednesday 11 November 2009 14:44

No! Do it in the car, and video tape it and play it to him while he's eating breakfast. Or take pictures, and put one on the back of the bathroom door so that he sees it when he goes to take a dump.