Love: Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused... - FML

By NoTattoo - 12/08/2015 17:50

Today, my girlfriend of 7 months broke up with me because I refused to get her name tattooed on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 307

You deserved it 2 442

Leave us alone

Hiding from the drama

Time to bail

By anonymous - 02/09/2011 22:02 - United States

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 576

You deserved it 4 802

By UnicornWaffles - 24/10/2016 01:38 - United States - Wooster

Today, I saw the guy I've been seeing passing by my dorm. I called out to him, but he covered his ears and crossed the street. Well, at least I have ice cream in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 452

You deserved it 1 019

By the_pheasant66 - 26/06/2010 10:31 - Ireland

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. When I got home to show my family, my little sister said, "That's so fake!" and tore it off my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 050

You deserved it 10 998

By pleasekillme - 19/04/2013 11:44 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, it has been over 3 months since my housemates ended their 1 month long relationship. He's still creepily obsessed with her. He picked the bathroom lock when I was in the shower and tried to get in, and then called me a "fucking c*nt" when he realised it was me in there, not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 029

You deserved it 4 440

By Jololol - 17/05/2013 09:25 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad used to stalk when he was in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 137

You deserved it 3 318

By roomie487 - 06/10/2009 21:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my new roommate. I also met her stuffed animals, who introduced themselves to me. My roommate makes inanimate objects talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 157

You deserved it 4 316

By dannyboy1422 - 02/10/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, we had a lockdown in our school for 2 hours because a man was sitting outside our school in his car with a gun in hand. I texted my mom telling her what was going on and that it's on the news. She responded saying "I'll tape it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 879

You deserved it 3 639

You're fired

By Pyrophobia - 13/09/2021 23:00

Spicy

Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 478

You deserved it 112

By Anonymous - 28/11/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my mom came home and told me she was going back to college. She's going to the community college that a lot of the graduates from my school go to. She has biology with my ex. They're lab partners and have to do take home labs together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 633

You deserved it 2 678

By ugh - 28/04/2009 21:49 - Canada

Today, I texted my crush that I can't come over and invited him over instead. I was so anxious for his reply I took my cell to the washroom with me. Just as I was pulling up my pants I heard something fall into the bowl, I turned around and watched my cell floating in the my own pee, vibrating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 940

You deserved it 57 403

By sotired - 05/03/2013 19:58 - Australia - Mona Vale

Today, my neighbour's puppy has developed separation anxiety. Every time my neighbour leaves for work, the puppy constantly whines and barks until he gets home. He works night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 177

You deserved it 2 403

By anamota89 - 11/05/2012 09:33 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend. I had to fart really badly, so thinking that he wouldn't hear me, I did so. He heard me and asked, "Did you fart?" I said "No, it was my dog." I don't have a dog, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 309

You deserved it 32 161

Didn't see ya there

By AylaMarie92 - 09/11/2021 13:59

Today, like every other day, I suffer from insomnia. On returning to the bedroom after a very late night shower to hopefully get some rest, I sat on my cat. I jumped up quickly and smacked my face against the cupboard. I then looked back to see if she was OK. I'd sat on my Squishmallow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 227

Take the L

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 09:31 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 975

You deserved it 4 930

By confidence taken - 23/08/2014 06:26 - United States - Bay Springs

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 894

You deserved it 5 827

By noname - 18/02/2013 01:28 - United States - Middletown

Today, after being in the hospital for 2 weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 107

You deserved it 3 035

By H8TR - 26/08/2010 13:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to use my butthole to negotiate with my husband so I can get a new tattoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 581

You deserved it 53 975

By KiwiBlam - 07/02/2010 09:19 - New Zealand

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 360

You deserved it 39 878

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 407

You deserved it 14 340

By Zak - 03/04/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 642

You deserved it 91 665

By Anonymous - 28/07/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 250

You deserved it 44 942

Throwing shade

By deargodwhy - 04/09/2020 10:03

Today, my 12-year-old daughter was suspended from school for doing a book report on 50 Shades of Grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 089

You deserved it 740

By heaventlyassbutt - 30/11/2016 12:45 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it's been two years since I graduated with my master's. It's also been the same amount of time since I've been looking for a job. I got an e-mail yesterday from a company for a telephone interview which I was happy about. The day of the interview, my phone is disconnected. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 937

You deserved it 994

That's you that is

By K.H - 26/10/2009 16:42 - Sweden

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 073

You deserved it 5 987

Hoarders Gonna Hoard

By Anonymous - 11/08/2018 18:30

Today, I was helping my uncle clean his house. He's a bit of a hoarder, so I suggested donating some of his pots. We got into a fight and I left. He then called my mom to claim that I stole his pots. After being yelled at he realized that they were in his dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 738

You deserved it 154

By why me - 22/05/2011 23:09

Today, my girlfriend made me watch six hours of "Glee" with her. I don't know what I hate the most, the fact that I actually sat there and watched it or that I'm angry at Finn for breaking up with Rachel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 730

You deserved it 36 973

By Electric Eddy - 22/05/2017 00:00

Today, I got up at 2:30 a.m. to catch an early flight home. I was tired and drowsy and took a quick shower to wake me up. Two minutes in, the water turned scalding hot on all settings. I ended up having to rinse my hair with bottles of sparkling water from the hotel minibar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 359

By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, my gynecologist told me that the ecosystem in my vagina is unbalanced, and that I have to do some reconstruction. Uhm what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 537

You deserved it 5 169

Teenage Riot

By Anonymous - 03/08/2021 19:59

Today, my teenage son reacted to the news of his cousin's death like I’d just told him a bug got squashed on a car windscreen. He didn’t even look away from his computer screen, or react in any way. He seemed more annoyed that I’d interrupted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 849

You deserved it 159

By kayak probs - 30/07/2013 14:13 - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 352

You deserved it 25 891

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 550

You deserved it 47 005

By Anonymous - 03/02/2016 15:06 - United States - Ventura

Today, after a badly misjudged hand signal, I accidentally hit my boss in the face instead of high-fiving her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 178

You deserved it 3 140

Genius.

By istillcannotbreathe - 17/08/2018 06:00

Today, my roommate found a solution to his awful body odor: bathing in vinegar. Now instead of smelling like a middle school locker room, the house smells like a chemical plant. I'm not sure which is worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 874

You deserved it 187

By cloudberry - 27/05/2012 08:00 - United States - Astoria

Today, I told my mom I was going out to hang out with some friends. She looked me dead in the eye and said, "Don't lie to me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 710

You deserved it 2 697

By Anonymous - 17/12/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If you so much as flinch I'm going to shoot and 50,000 volts will be directed through your nose and groin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 821

You deserved it 12 475

By suckstobeme - 16/04/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend what her favorite quality about me was. Her answer, "Your car." FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 988

You deserved it 8 772

Blues Junior III

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 11:00

Today, one of my coworkers was recently promoted, so I'm now officially the last person of our team, hired in the same year, to still have "junior" as part of my job title. Not that it’s relevant, but I’m also the oldest member of the team by about 15 years, yet still "junior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 892

You deserved it 202

By Anonymous - 24/03/2014 20:01 - United States - Denver

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 499

You deserved it 8 932

Rash decision

By FilthyIke - 21/08/2009 20:17 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 693

You deserved it 4 367

By italy1986 - 13/04/2009 19:41 - United States

Today, I got 20% tints on my car. As I'm driving home, a cop pulls me over. I didn't want to ruin my new tint by opening my window, so I opened my door as the cop approached. He then pulled out his gun and yelled "GET ON THE FUCKING GROUND!" before I could explain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 554

You deserved it 58 181

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:07

Overly attached girlfriend meme, is that you?

mynameischarles 13

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:09

Id say you dodged a bullet. Better wasting 7 months than 7 years...

Comments

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:04

what a bitch. fyl

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:20

Maybe she was going to dump him anyway and she just wanted him to regret it afterwards

Nessco 36

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Thursday 13 August 2015 2:17

Dodged a bullet there. Lucky you found out now rather than later, especially if you had her name tattooed on yourself.

ptoka 20

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Thursday 13 August 2015 2:32

Or if he were to wake up during the night with her doing it herself.

lovelockdown23 23

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Thursday 13 August 2015 6:37

Lol she took "tat my name so I know it's real" (Drake) a little to seriously.

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:05

Thank god you didnt do it though.

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Thursday 13 August 2015 12:07

Dafuq does God have to do with common sense? You have any idea how many insane people claim to be working for God?

ElricMustang 23

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Friday 14 August 2015 8:34

I can't tell if you were failing at trying to be funny or you're one of *those* guys

scarlett3diaz 24

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Friday 14 August 2015 21:40

It's a figure of speech dumbass

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:06

You're better off without her if she dumps you for something like that. She should understand there are better ways to show your love for her than some tattoo.

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:07

Overly attached girlfriend meme, is that you?

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Thursday 13 August 2015 6:52

Overly attached girlfriend wouldn't have broken up. She would've roofied him and done the tattoo herself.

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Thursday 13 August 2015 21:33

With a carving knife.

coocookaylin 17

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:07

Was she willing to get one of your name?

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:07

You need to get a new girlfriend tbh. Sorry bro.

mbock 15

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Thursday 13 August 2015 16:15

AWESOME!!!! melkozar could be on STOLEN VALOR or FML. Don't claim to be military with some bullshit on, or change your fucking picture!!!

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:07

Dump her for being overly obsessed. You might avoid some grief in the future.

Schizomaniac 24

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Thursday 13 August 2015 2:37

Dump her back for dumping you. YEAH!

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Thursday 13 August 2015 4:03

It's kind of like being fired, but yelling "NO I QUIT!" "NO I'M BREAKING UP WITH YOU!!!"

VeryMuchDutch 12

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Thursday 13 August 2015 16:37

#50... my cousin did that... yelling "No.. i quit!". his boss responded with:"Good then we dont have to pay you any money!"

flyingmind_fml 17

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:08

ask her to get yours tattooed on her ass

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:35

or a tramp stamp... lol

mynameischarles 13

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:09

Id say you dodged a bullet. Better wasting 7 months than 7 years...

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:45

...and be dumped with her name on your chest.

laden_swallow09 34

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Thursday 13 August 2015 4:39

And seven square inches of skin marred with a weirdo's name emblazoned on your chest.

leopardwilliam 22

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Thursday 13 August 2015 1:09

Gotta learn to commit

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Thursday 13 August 2015 2:42

What other people view as proper commitment and your views on commitment are oh so different. It's like Ivy league and community college. Are you fucking kidding me? That better be a terrible joke, sir!

leopardwilliam 22

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Thursday 13 August 2015 6:11

Idk how you could possibly take that seriously

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 3

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 701

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 812