Miscellaneous: Today, on my 18th birthday, I was mugged by 6 guys who beat the...

By TheComedyAudio - 23/10/2016 17:13

Today, on my 18th birthday, I was mugged by 6 guys who beat the shit out of me and stole my phone and wallet. They could've just asked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 028

You deserved it 739

TheComedyAudio tells us more.

TheComedyAudio 29

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:19

Holy fucking shit, this story got published. Anyway, the police weren't able to do anything because they all ran off and were wearing hoodies that covered their faces. The police officer was very kind and did the best he could. My nose is swollen and my eyes are heavily bruised, but other than that I should be fine within the next few weeks. Thanks yall c:

Miscellaneous

The smell detective is on the case

Stop calling

Run, run away pronto

By Anonymous - 22/06/2011 05:35 - United States

Today, it was my first day at my new job. My new boss asked me if I was single. After telling him I have been happily married for 6 years, he fired me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 957

You deserved it 3 914

By Fox - 25/02/2013 03:41 - United States

Today, while driving extremely fast on a road in the middle of nowhere, I started to go down a hill. Noticing a police car at the bottom, I slammed my brakes and blew a tire in the process. It turns out the police car was an old cutout used to trick people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 333

You deserved it 57 501

Not cut out for this

By Anonymous - 18/12/2016 02:10

Today, I took my girlfriend skydiving for her birthday. I insisted on joining her to make it a memory for us both, despite my fear of heights. I passed out twice mid-freefall and had to be saved by the instructor both times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 754

You deserved it 1 370

By nightmarestonite - 16/12/2013 21:54 - Canada

Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in my bedroom. My brother kindly pointed out that when flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes. Now I can't unsee it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 257

You deserved it 4 291

By themarrowguy - 23/08/2013 10:06 - United States

Today, after recently discovering that I need a bone marrow transplant, my girlfriend got tested to see if she could be a donor. When the results came back with a negative match, she blurted out, "Oh thank god." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 077

You deserved it 4 329

By Anonymous - 04/02/2017 19:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, at an MA meeting, I ran into the cop who'd pulled me over and given me a ticket for marijuana possession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 448

You deserved it 1 295

Tasty

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 20:00

Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 257

By Anonymous - 28/09/2012 20:10 - United States - Kankakee

Today, I fell asleep in class. One minute I'm listening to a lecture, and twenty-five minutes later, I'm waking up screaming in agony in front of everyone after biting my tongue in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 720

You deserved it 11 391

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 358

You deserved it 7 336

By StijnDescamps - 13/08/2019 16:00

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 1 895

By Johnnogood - 09/10/2012 13:57 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boss fired me because of the way I laugh. Apparently it reminds him too much of his ex-wife's laugh. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 747

You deserved it 2 234

Good intentions

By Anonymous - 16/08/2021 19:01 - Indonesia - Bekasi

Today, I asked someone to work with me because I felt sorry for her. Turns out, she isn't at all helpful and refuses to work after school, just because she would miss her "beauty nap". She also made up dumb excuses for why she couldn't help me or the others. I wonder why no one wanted to be in a group with her… FML

I agree, your life sucks 729

You deserved it 118

By Soakedandbroke - 26/01/2016 17:05 - United States - Houston

Today, I was walking to class. While waiting at the crosswalk, a guy cat-called me from his car. I guess he was pissed that I didn't respond, because he purposely drove through a puddle and completely soaked me and the expensive textbook I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 882

You deserved it 1 748

By badsitter - 05/04/2018 19:00

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 198

You deserved it 292

By fuckedbyretail - 02/02/2013 14:53 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 285

You deserved it 2 723

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 12:17 - United States

Today, I moved back in with my parents in order to help them with the mortgage, so they don't lose the house that has been in our family for three generations. I also found out that I now have a curfew, and so does my husband and our 3 year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 491

You deserved it 5 078

By Anon - 26/01/2016 11:40 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 567

You deserved it 3 112

By PukinFireman - 17/10/2009 08:20 - United States

Today, it was my first day at the fire station. Naturally, we all went out and got lunch together. I normally don't handle spicy food well, but sucked it up. About ten minutes after we finished, I got up to do rookie duties when someone slapped me in the back. I forcefully vomited all over my new Lieutenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 076

You deserved it 5 084

By justsomesummer - 26/01/2016 18:09 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I got a new babysitting job. Every time the little girl goes to the bathroom, she screams and cries until I wipe her. She's 7 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 820

You deserved it 1 650

By PerturbedStudent - 09/12/2015 23:42 - United States - Keller

Today, I finally received my first love letter. Too bad it was from the boy who lit me on fire two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 565

You deserved it 1 635

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 03:00

Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 749

You deserved it 369

Awkward

By Anonymous - 15/11/2009 08:42 - Australia

Today, a neighbour called to say my water tank burst. A colleague followed me home to help, took off his shirt so it wouldn't get wet and climbed through my window to get to the roof. My boyfriend unexpectedly came home as we were emerging from the bedroom. My colleague was still buttoning his shirt up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 485

You deserved it 6 244

By greeenbean - 02/10/2009 10:41 - Samoa

Today, I was woken up by the massive earthquake in Samoa. I went downstairs to discover that all the hotel staff had fled and abandoned the hotel guests. I was left to run up to higher ground on foot. It was a three hour hike. By the time I got to a safe spot, the tsunami warning was lifted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 342

You deserved it 3 750

By unemployed - 10/07/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 20 830

By Now I'm Broke - 22/11/2017 15:00

Today, I took my $2,000 drone out and shot some beautiful footage of an old dam. I hid it behind a rock to explore the area further without carrying it, but when I came back it was gone. I was splitting the payments with my uncle. I work a minimum wage job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 7 837

By nevercatchabreak - 31/08/2013 08:16 - United States - Burgettstown

Today, tired of everyone forgetting my birthday, I traveled half way around the world to spend my 40th at a five star resort just to try and make it special. The hotel brought me a cake with someone else's name on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 037

You deserved it 4 250

By Telemistake - 30/04/2009 18:03 - United States

Today, a telemarketer called for my dad. Jokingly, I said, "I haven't seen him for like five days...I'm starting to get worried," in my best child-like voice. Apparently the telemarketer called Child Protective Services. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 160

You deserved it 69 231

By why... - 01/02/2009 17:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 970

You deserved it 3 088

By cerulean - 10/10/2017 01:30

Today, a nurse berated me for not being able to lift my leg myself so she could put a cast on. My leg is broken in two places. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 360

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 10/11/2014 14:28 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I thought I felt my cellphone vibrating. Turned out it was just my girlfriend letting out a vicious fart against my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 545

You deserved it 5 779

By Anonymous - 17/05/2014 16:02 - United States - Elko

Today, my boss yet again said she was "literally dying", after she watched a funny video online. Long story short, I'm now on her shitlist because I couldn't help but point out that she clearly wasn't dying, and that her ranting was distracting me from doing actual work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 643

You deserved it 18 460

Et tu, Doggo?

By fml9124 - 05/09/2019 20:00

Today, as usual, my neighbor's 9 year-old son came over after school. I work from home so he stays until his mom gets home. My dog mopes around the house until 3 p.m., then gets all excited because he has a friend to play with. I'm almost jealous because a dog I've had for 11 years likes him more than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 329

You deserved it 353

By Jamie - 10/03/2010 20:29 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex when he stopped responding. Five minutes later and ready to hang up, he apologized because he got distracted with his game of Tetris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 777

You deserved it 3 970

By CatLady - 06/01/2014 19:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 146

You deserved it 9 624

By Sarah - 12/06/2012 16:59 - United States - Pipersville

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 772

You deserved it 2 791

By Anonymous - 28/04/2018 23:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I found out that my best friend used the sexy dance moves she asked me to teach her to get into my ex-boyfriend’s pants. We dated for two years and broke up less than a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 148

You deserved it 420

By LoveMeMother - 20/09/2018 05:00

Today, I realized my mom tells our dogs she loves them more than she says it to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 519

You deserved it 318

By soldiergirl - 25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 027

You deserved it 3 793

Snowflakes

By Anonymous - 13/12/2020 10:58 - United States

Today, I bumped my head on a tool box. When it happened, I yelled, "Fuck." I got fired from my job for cussing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 935

You deserved it 225

By nikki - 04/08/2012 20:05 - Greece - K

Today, what I thought would be a romantic sleepover with the guy I like quickly turned into hell on earth when his girlfriend showed up. I had to scale the fire escape in my underwear so I could get back to my car in one piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 870

You deserved it 36 349

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Top comments

Moskaaa7 26

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:28

I feel so bad for you. Hope you can still enjoy the rest of your day.. Happy birthday!

Fixme 5

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:20

Honestly, who the hell clicks "You deserved it" on a story like this? Hope you're OK OP.

TheComedyAudio 29

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:19

Kurliez408 32

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:33

Happy birthday! sorry you got mugged :c

Lalala579121 27

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:58

OP comment is #1, what is FML coming to.

DeadxManxWalking 27

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Monday 24 October 2016 15:44

they'll get what's coming to them, how it all works out

TheComedyAudio 29

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Monday 24 October 2016 16:01

Maybe because as soon as I got the confirmation email I immediately commented to tell the rest of my story? Lol

inks98 14

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Monday 24 October 2016 16:22

That's terrible!!! I hope the rest of your birthday was okay, all the best for the future!

DropoutLoser 1

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Monday 24 October 2016 18:24

Speak your mind, but please try and be respectful.

Stxsyh 30

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Monday 24 October 2016 19:12

Your profile says you're 23? I'm confused, sorry! :p

alicat089 18

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Monday 24 October 2016 19:51

maybe this is one of those things that happened 4 years ago and he's just now telling the story lol

viipeterson98 14

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Monday 24 October 2016 21:32

or he lied about his age on his profile

TheComedyAudio 29

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Tuesday 25 October 2016 1:50

This happened on June 29th of this year, on my actual birthday haha. I didn't think about posting it until today. I also did lie about my age on my profile, so you're both right :p

helloimkylieee 19

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Tuesday 25 October 2016 7:28

why lie about being 18 when you're only 23? :o

Stxsyh 30

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Tuesday 25 October 2016 8:03

#40, he lied being 23 when he's actually 18.

helloimkylieee 19

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Tuesday 25 October 2016 8:22

ooh gotcha :)

Fixme 5

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:20

Honestly, who the hell clicks "You deserved it" on a story like this? Hope you're OK OP.

TheComedyAudio 29

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:27

Thanks. I'll be alright. They'll get what's coming to them

NostalgiaFreak9 40

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Monday 24 October 2016 17:37

Either trolls or people who accidentally hit the button while scrolling. They should really make it so you can undo a vote.

mariri9206 32

Tuesday 25 October 2016 11:29

And delete your comments.

Moskaaa7 26

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:28

I feel so bad for you. Hope you can still enjoy the rest of your day.. Happy birthday!

cheesyfeet2001 31

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:30

That's life's way of telling you welcome to adulthood. (Happy birthday op)

TheComedyAudio 29

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:31

Lmfao pretty much.

thefmlman2011 35

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:35

Happy Birthday OP! Sorry this happened to you. Did you have to go the ER?

TheComedyAudio 29

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:38

I did not. No serious injuries. I'm just happy I'm alive. Could've been alot worse

GlennGuagmire 20

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:37

Hope u feel good op and HBD.

GlennGuagmire 20

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:41

Ur eyes look bad in ur photo. I'm hoping that it does not heart as bad as it looks ok

swervelol 28

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Monday 24 October 2016 14:44

I'm so sorry OP!! This is one of those FML's no one deserves. I hope karma bites those guys in the ass and that your birthday wasn't completely horrible! Happy birthday!