Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
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Top comments
bubina 14
I guess she pillaged and plundered your balls.
lelo007 11
Kindly take the wooden spoon from her and return the favor by whacking her in the forehead with it.
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Comments (118)
awkward_gothlady 32
Any woman who intentionally smacks you in the nuts should become an ex-girlfriend.
isallwaysme 27
my girlfriend has done it before, but she kissed it better xD
alphatoomega 21
Unless you enjoy that kind of thing...
missababgaga 19
Well as long as she's worth it to you, get some protective equipment to keep on standby for when she goes berserk in the future!
spazz666 18
If you're going to correct one part of a comment, correct it all.
LolPieRofl 11
Well she certainly hurt your "wood".
whatthefreshhell 15
My brother thinks he's a Viking for those reasons, and the fact he enjoys the cold. I'm thinking my brother and this nut would be a match made in heaven!
SoylentCandycorn 10
A nut who likes to abuse her boyfriend's nuts.
Anubis_81 21
I dunno if I'm just tired, but I laughed hard at your predicament. This has been added to my fav's. FYL dude, hope the nuts recover.
newbiehere99 6
she's *
PsychoBitch666 8
Tell her if she keeps pretending she's one of us, I will personally hunt her down and feed her to my polar bear.
DelphiCat 17
so. much. love.
cutiepie292929 18
You can say you are one too! As the Vikings traveled to England rapped and pillaged the towns so even if ur another hair colour you could be one too!
dreamer9614 3
Didn't know Vikings rapped. Do they sound like 50 or more Eminem? Just please don't tell me they sound like Nicki Minaj.....
annie_nk 23
Minaj doesn't rap. It's just drunken babbling sped up.
fml_fwp 9
Power to viking descendants! Embrace the paleness!
scarred_foreva 40
And the blondness!