Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
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Top comments
bubina 14
I guess she pillaged and plundered your balls.
lelo007 11
Kindly take the wooden spoon from her and return the favor by whacking her in the forehead with it.
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Comments (118)
rockstar362 8
If I were you I'd tell dat chik deuces she b cray
Chazzzor 10
Bail out! She gave you fair warning.
alslulu 15
if she is not Danish she is not a viking
tj4234 36
well actually 71, Historians (such as myself) don't actually know what the word Viking means. We don't even know its etymology. The only thing we know about it is that the Vikings probably never called themselves it (making your Danish = viking statement bullshit) and that the word itself is a verb. You aren't a 'viking', you go 'viking'. It is thought that the word probably means pirate. Although it could mean a bunch of things. So basically, OP's gf could theoretically be a Viking.
will12343 0
OMG ouch ...... Lol
Chanti_fml 26
My boyfriend can relate. I hit him in the nuts all the time! Then again, my real name is Xena the Warrior Princes. And yes, I do have a severe case of PMS!
SoylentCandycorn 10
Xena has a boyfriend? All the lesbians I know are going to be absolutely hearbroken.
SoylentCandycorn 10
Tell her it's a good thing she's not a virgin, because that's all that is stopping your family from sacrificing her to a volcano god.
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Scandinavian women. Whatcha gonna do.
Sir_Swaggington 6
This is hilarious, but I feel bad for OP
Celina_Lune 20
Sorry, I had to do it. You shouldn't piss off vikings.
KiddNYC1O 22
Ouch. I hope you were clothed...