Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML
Today, I yelled at my girlfriend for something trivial. Instead of yelling back, she was scarily calm and said, "Remember, I’ve got 50 lbs on you. Yell at me again and I’ll lay a pillow on your face and sit on it until you’re dead." I think she might mean it. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I went to the farm my girlfriend's parents live on. She was showing me around the barn when she picked up a tool and said, "We used this to castrate the goats… and I'll use it on you if you piss me off." FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, whilst in an argument with my girlfriend, I told her she was the craziest bitch I'd ever met. She responded with "Challenge accepted." I'm now terrified. FML
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
Today, I learned that when my girlfriend told me that she's a different person without coffee and smokes in the morning, she wasn't kidding; after I'd asked her how she'd slept, she bitched me out for "mocking her" and hurled a hairdryer at my head. FML
Today, my girlfriend hit me on the head with a frying pan for a funny video, because she thought it would go bonk and make me do a funny reaction. She must be a new kind of stupid cause I got four stitches, a hairline fracture, and a headache. FML
Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML
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Top comments
bubina 14
I guess she pillaged and plundered your balls.
lelo007 11
Kindly take the wooden spoon from her and return the favor by whacking her in the forehead with it.
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Comments (118)
gc327072 31
Happy Leif Eriksson day! Hinga-dinga-dergen
Thelnternet 7
23 - because noor uses references from the bad spongebob episodes
CaptNomNom 17
Your life. RUN OR IT!!
Akharr01 5
Start calling her Helga or something she'll hate it and stop being a Viking !
ICastillo 25
Yeah and piss her off and then he is going to get Viking stomped in the nuts when he falls asleep.
simoncat 11
Gee. FML sure gives a glimpse into the crazy of others. In this case, dump the crazy norsewoman, before "Viking" gives way to "Vicodin " - a wooden spoon? Really? Oy.
Freedom92 12
Time for your to assume the role of Tarzan and escape via vine ;)
KalCountry76 12
Maybe you should pillage her body and let her know you'll leave the raping for later.
Mikeskinner 7
I can't be the only one who thought this was going to have taken place in Scandinavia.
GhostChickens 17
"Could women be Vikings? Strictly speaking, they could not. The Old Norse word vikingar is exclusively applied to men, usually those who sailed from Scandinavia in groups to engage in the activities of raiding and trading in Britain, Europe and the East." - Stolen from the BBC. Now I think you need to start a spoon war to win back your land.
GUNN1313 3
Their are many historical accounts of women going Viking lets not for get that one of the best burials of the Vikings found to date was just that. Op if she wants to be a Viking you should be down to rape pillage and plunder her sounds like that's what she wants from you and sure to be a great night
rockstar362 8
If I were you I'd tell dat chik deuces she b cray