Transportation: Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was...

By RainyDay - United States

Today, My friend and I were stopped at a red light while it was pouring rain. We heard a screeching noise off in the distance and thought, "Hope someone doesn't get hit." Someone did get hit. We did. From behind. FML

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Transportation

Family values

Buzzing the tower

Jonah begs to differ

By pincushion - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had a CT scan done with contrast. My tech seemed competent in his job so I wasn't nervous, until he tried to start my IV. It took him 3 attempts to get it right. Not only was I stuck 3 times, he also blew one of my veins. I now have severely bruised arms and what look like track marks. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charleston

Today, I woke up to several dead snails and worms all over my bed. I guess that's what my little sister meant yesterday when she said I'd be sorry for not letting her play on my phone. FML

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By dire-rear - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

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By david - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

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By itwasajoke

Today, I ran into an old friend for whom I used to have feelings. I hadn't seen her in years, so I thought it would be funny if I went up to her and said, "Hey, you look familiar, do I know you?" She thought I had really forgotten her and burst into tears. FML

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By anon - United States

Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML

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By Wanaaa - France - Toulouse

Today, I was watching TV with my husband and my 5-year-old son. Everything was going fine until my son asked his father, “Why can’t mom know that you have another sweetheart?” FML

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By Theguyinthedark - Bangladesh

Today, my roommate and I were watching TV, and he ordered a pizza. After it was delivered, I took a slice. He yelled at me for taking his food and told me to stop mooching off him. I had to cover his rent last month and he still hasn't paid me back. FML

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By Sarah-D

Today, a policeman pulled me over and proceeded to flirt with me. After I had rejected him, he gave me a ticket for "not paying attention to the road". FML

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Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By bern5555 - United States

Today, I was working with the kid I babysit for. We were out and he complained that he was hungry. I spent my very last $2 on chicken nuggets for him and a coffee for myself. Just as I sat down, he knocked over my coffee, spilling it into his chicken nuggets. Then he cried for over an hour. FML

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By delamer - United States

Today, I found out we have new neighbors in our apartment complex that park in the stall next to our truck. Turns out their car is the same make of our truck. And it also turns out that when I unlock our truck it will set off their car alarm - every time. FML

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By OUCH - Canada

Today, while going for a run in my neighbourhood I was hit by a car not once, but twice. The second car, closely following the first, stopped and then drove forward to see if I was all right. FML

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By dontaskdonttell - United States

Today, I was closing the deal on this beautiful $200k ranch in the country. The buyer soon pulls up and we get to discussing the contract terms, soon the buyer asks the seller," Wow why is this house going so cheap?" The seller replies, "Do you believe in ghosts?" There goes my $8,000 commission. FML

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52371

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By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I had to explain to a coworker that "the little red X" next to the email title she's been pushing out of curiosity is actually the delete button. Then, I had to restore the dozen emails she'd deleted even after I told her to stop. She's a manager. I stock shelves for a living. FML

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By muffin - United States

Today, I wanted to look really good for my date. I was a little self-conscious, so I decided to use Nair on my upper lip just in case I had a female mustache. Unfortunately, it turns out I'm allergic to Nair. Now I DO have a mustache. A rash mustache. FML

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46849

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By still poor - United States - Carlisle

Today, my dad texted me saying he had "big news." I immediately called, thrilled, because I assumed he meant that he finally found a job and that our money troubles were over. The "big news" was him being excited at seeing an actor from one TV show he likes in another TV show. FML

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32492

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML

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52560

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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By funnygirl018 - United States

Today, it was my very last day teaching my dance class. After the class ended, the owner of the studio started clapping and told all my students to give me a hug. No one hugged me. No one. FML

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48624

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By gdog10122 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

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39092

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By EmmaG123 - United States

Today, I sent my mom an email with "Bad news" for the subject. At the end of her reply, she said, "And don't scare me! I thought you were going to tell me you're pregnant!" I AM pregnant, and wanted to surprise her on her birthday. Guess I should get her something less disappointing. FML

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By strandedguest - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

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25273

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 23:00

Rude awakening

Today, I was woken up at 4 in the morning by my boyfriend farting on my leg and giggling in his sleep. For the third time. FML

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1458

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By bad luck skier - United States - Albany

Today, I went skiing. On the first run of the day, a little girl came out of nowhere and crashed into me. I was fine, but she was hurt, so I called the ski patrol. She told him that I deliberately hit her, and got me kicked out. I was there for 10 minutes. I paid for all day. FML

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By stupid - Lithuania - Prienai

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

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52905

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By Anonymous - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

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45549

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By Zak - United States

Today, I was in an audition for a production at this theater in town. The directors at the table loved my audition. One of them said "I'd love to talk to you about coming to TCU." I said "Oh, yeah! I know Harry Parker at TCU who runs the theater department." I said this to Harry Parker. FML

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12631

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By Puppysit88 - United States

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

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By Mandy - United States

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

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24864

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By Anonymous - Canada - Edmonton

New one

Today, I closed my eyes while my boyfriend was fingering me, and I felt a cold liquid inside me. I opened my eyes, and he was pouring yogurt into me. He said “I wanted to try something new.” FML

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3267

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By Bden - United States

Today, was my first serious photoshoot as a male model for a high-end clothing line. It was a nude photoshoot, with kind of an Adam and Eve theme. After the first couple of pictures with the extremly sexy female model, I got a boner. There were still 100 shots left to go. FML

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By Mike - United States

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

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30265

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By Spanishredhead - United States

Today, I checked in a group of men from Mexico. I speak just enough Spanish to realize they're discussing my breasts. I have to stand there smiling while checking in three more people. FML

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37042

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By thatsfine - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

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64545

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By Obi1Shinobi - United States

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom yelling for someone to get me toilet paper. My grandpa slips a small leaf under the door and says, "This is what I used in my day." FML

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28028

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By ashdk

Today, my fiancé and I just moved into our first apartment together. Our neighbor across the hall? My ex-boyfriend who I've had to file three separate restraining orders on. FML

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37531

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By Shalamar - Canada

Today, the new guy at work - who is probably at least ten years older than I am - admired the photo on my desk of myself with my husband and teenage daughters and asked "Are those your grand-children?" I'm in my 40's. FML

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27234

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By verycherryfucked - United States - Bronx

Today, I had to go to the hospital for an allergic reaction. Turns out, I'm highly allergic to cherry blossoms. My wife and I just bought a house and moved into a new neighborhood. Almost every block in this neighborhood, including my own, has rows and rows of cherry blossom trees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47128

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By cocoapuffs4life - Canada - Aurora

Today, I was told by my manager to make sure the supervisor on shift does his job. Last month I was told I couldn't be a supervisor. Apparently I can supervise someone who earns more than I do though. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26529

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By biblio - United States

Today, I told the man I love to "go first" when we started talking at the same time. I wanted to confess my feelings, he wanted to tell me about his engagement. FML

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28101

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Top comments

By Son_of_God | 0

#103636 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:39

#9 checking your rear view mirror is a good idea but it won't help at all if you have nowhere to go to avoid someone hitting you. The other driver was an idiot.

By ZiggyMorrison | 0

#103959 - Sunday 12 April 2009 3:59

the people who say deserve it can go fuck themselves you are indeed fucked yeah they'll pay for it but depending on how bad it is it will still say accident on your insurance

COMMENTS

By Aflacduck | 0

#103441 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:27

That sucks! :(

By Aflacduck | 0

#103449 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:27

That sucks lol.

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1045865 - Sunday 27 June 2010 8:57

she's probably used to taking it from behind

yourWIFEandKIDS | 0

#1679034 - Wednesday 10 November 2010 21:19

LOL^^

thorscope | 0

#2275277 - Friday 1 April 2011 5:28

hit it from the back! from the back!

Nightwing98 | 22

#4219164 - Monday 26 March 2012 20:29

Very observant. You all get cookies.

By buu700 | 3

#103475 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

Today, I decided I would lose my virginity. By the end of the day, I'd hit some fat guy... from behind. FML

By Serial | 2

#103492 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:38

god damn these comments are fucking up today..

To OP: sorry to hear that, hope it wasn't too much damage

iLoveTeraaa | 0

#979969 - Thursday 15 April 2010 5:17

jinx

By fillmyheart028 | 0

#103518 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:53

ouuuuccchh

By fillmyheart028 | 0

#103519 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:53

ouuuuccchh

By xClarkGable | 0

#103547 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:02

I'm sorry to hear.

By effyourlife_ | 0

#103558 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:11

it's called, check your rear view mirror when you're at a stop light.

either way the guy who rear ended you is always going to be the one at fault so he'll have to pay.. as long as you got his information.. which you did.. right?

nateb1tch | 1

#1129315 - Friday 23 July 2010 18:42

well where else would se have gone? into the inersection and get t-boned?

By Ineffableturtle | 0

#103563 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:10

hey you get money to fix it, lol

By effyourlife_ | 0

#103570 - Sunday 12 April 2009 2:12

check your rear view mirror sonny.
common practice at red lights..