Work: Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt.... - FML

By bdawg923 - United States

Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML

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bdawg923 tells us more :

The spider was on her shoulder to those who asked.

Lockdown is driving us down

Doomed

Mr Sensitivity

By Anonymous - United States - Lexington

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

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By isuckatparking. seriously.

Today, I was in a hurry to get to my exams. I’m a new driver so my parking was a little crooked but I didn’t have time to fix it. I was expecting to come back to a note on my car. I wasn’t expecting three of my tires to be slashed and the words “I Suck At Parking” to be keyed into my car. FML

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By bass - United States

Today, I got a call from a prominent orchestra asking me to play with them. They were especially interested because I'm still in high school. I called to accept only to find out that my mother had already declined the offer for me because I "only" have a 3.7. FML

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By sealy - United States

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

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By nothappywithlife - United States

Today, I checked my facebook, and my wife of 5 years was listed as single. I then write on her wall that it is ok to announce to be married. She writes back saying that we have to talk and to come to the kitchen. My wife divorced me over facebook. FML

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By imma ture

Today, I was involved in a debate. Things got out of control, insults were hurled, and by the end friends were lost. The subject of the debate? Whether snot has enough calories in it to be nutritional. FML

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By candice - Reserved

Today, I had to tell all the trick-or-treaters that I'd run out of candy. I'd actually bought about $50 worth of candy, but managed to eat all of it by myself, sitting alone in my apartment, exactly like last year. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - West Babylon

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbors filed a noise complaint against me for banging on the ceiling every night. They conveniently left out the part where they constantly stomp, shout, and do stuff that sounds like they're dropping bricks to the floor every night. FML

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By needanotherbed - United Kingdom - Ipswich

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

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By Username

Today, I came home to a lease violation and a $220 fine after a routine pest control visit. The violation: my single beta fish in a small bowl. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

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By cande - United States

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

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By LynnJ - Canada

Today, I walked past a group of men at the mall and one of them mooed at me. FML

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By kingpin9219 - Canada

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend in a crowded mall. I thought this was a good idea, until she went ballistic, began screaming and crying, and then stabbed me in the stomach with a ballpoint pen. I got banned from the mall. FML

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By badboyfriend101 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going over to my friend's house for the first time. A creepy-looking old man answered, and smiled at me. I asked "Is this the right house? Does Isaac live here?" He replied "Yes, he's in the basement. Would you like a drink?" Right then, Isaac called and asked me where I was. FML

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By MLS - United States

Today, I wore the belt that my stepfather has spent 2 months needle pointing, as a finishing touch he added my initials: 'fml'. FML

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By Ndanick1193 - United States

Today, I found out that if you let your son install a new shower head, he won't tighten it properly. So when you turn the shower on, it will shoot out at rocket speed, hitting you in the face. Then when you grab the shower handle to prevent yourself falling backwards, you will just rip that out and hit your head again. FML

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By ouch - United States - Nashville

Today, for the fifth time since my parents got divorced, my father has decided he doesn't want to pick me up for his weekend because I'm "too responsible to have fun with." FML

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By halliemarie1818 - United States

Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML

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By not sexy anymore - 28/7/2020 05:01

Get on with it!

Today, my boyfriend asked why I’ve been so grumpy lately. When I told him it’s because our relationship has been severely lacking in intimacy, he sighed heavily and said, “Ugh, fine, let’s just get it over with!” Gee, thanks babe. FML

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By thatsucks

Today, I told my best friend that I liked him and have liked him for a long time. His response was "That's cool. So, when did you get a cat?" FML

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By Anonymous - Brazil - Campinas

Today, while mourning my friend's recent passing, my dad told me to shut the fuck up because "worse things are going on in the world". FML

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By norestforthewicked - United States

Today, my girlfriend's deaf and senile cat listens to my verbal instructions better than my completely healthy middle school students listen to me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By Jenny - 8/5/2020 05:00

Stalker or coincidence?

Today, I went grocery shopping at the store near my house. Upon checking out, I look up to see that my cashier is none other than the woman I went on a date with a few months ago, and whose calls and texts I ignored after she began to obsess over me. FML

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By Sun_Kissed18 - United States - Hillsborough

Today, at my job at a frozen yogurt shop, an elderly woman gladly announced that I'd be seeing a lot of her due to the vaginal infection that she has. Thank you for that, ma'am. FML

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By stelssy - United States

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

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By disciplinaryaction - United States

Today, a woman and her daughter came into the store I work at. The girl placed a pair of underpants on the counter, and confessed she had stolen them earlier. Assuming she had already heard a lecture, I simply thanked her for bringing them back. Her mom yelled at me for not yelling at her. FML

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By doesn't fuck on the first, thank god - United Kingdom - Southend-on-sea

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

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By Etrius - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

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By oddgrrl99 - United States - Portage

Addicted

Today, my husband removed the TV from our bedroom to improve our sex life. Still no sex because he watches TV on his iPhone. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2020 11:01

Compassion, brah

Today, I finally told my brother that I was being sexually harassed at work. I'm 22 and my brother is 41, and he literally told me that I don't even know what sexual harassment is, and then laughed in my face. FML

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By SlapAndTickle - United States

Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML

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By Anonymous - 1/2/2021 17:01

Must be one hell of a novel

Today, after 3 years of writing a murder mystery novel that I was really proud of, my dad stole my notebook. He mistook it as my diary and turned it in to the police and apparently I can't have it back because it may be used as evidence. Some of the stories were inspired by real events. FML

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By Misskittygal14

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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By anon - United States - Poquoson

Today, the power went out at school. If it's out for more than twenty minutes, standard procedure is to let us go home. They came back on almost nineteen minutes later. FML

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By JillianJuneBug

Mexican Standoff

Today, I had no choice but to use a public bathroom. I have issues going when there are others in the stalls, and apparently another person did as well. We both sat there in silence, waiting stubbornly for the other to give up and leave so we could go. It’s been 20 minutes. FML

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By ananomoose - United States

Rush job

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

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By rybread - United States

Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML

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Top comments

By Serial | 2

#103478 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

the spider should be the one accused of sexual harassment

By Aflacduck | 0

#103463 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Nobody gives a damn if you're first. It makes you look like a jackass.

To OP - For future incidences, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN NO MATTER WHERE. They will usually consider it sexual harassment. Just point it out and let them deal with it.

COMMENTS

By LenWK | 0

#103447 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:29

You're a dumbass. YDI.

Also, FIRST!

Reply

turkeymonster39 | 0

#1526869 - Sunday 10 October 2010 11:07

because just telling her she had a spider on her was too hard?

Reply

ahti546 | 11

#4459786 - Sunday 20 May 2012 18:54

Welcome to America.

By perfectwinds | 0

#103461 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:29

I would have hugged you or something. What a bitch. #1, how did he deserve it?

Reply

MissDanish17 | 5

#984038 - Friday 23 April 2010 14:33

He was just trying to help!

By Aflacduck | 0

#103463 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Nobody gives a damn if you're first. It makes you look like a jackass.

To OP - For future incidences, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN NO MATTER WHERE. They will usually consider it sexual harassment. Just point it out and let them deal with it.

By ryan__h | 1

#103471 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:36

well #2 the OP could have said there's a spider on your shirt...but i don't think the op deserved it

By TeaPirate | 0

#103474 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Ooh. D: Sorry, man!

By Serial | 2

#103478 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

the spider should be the one accused of sexual harassment

Reply

matt1234321 | 0

#884326 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 5:11

hahahahaha ^^

Reply

Lauren10102 | 3

#1574872 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:08

I'm not sure that it being on the back would be much better....

Reply

Unlucky_Gun | 0

#4003491 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:39

It was accused, I arrested it

By you_not_me_OWNED | 0

#103481 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

was it on the frontside of her shirt?

Reply

Dre27 | 20

#6285723 - Saturday 9 May 2015 2:50

If it was on her rack its a ydi for sure

By drimpossible | 0

#103482 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:40

Very poor judgment... it is one thing if you say "hey there's a spider there, you want me to brush it off?"

By CherishFlowers | 0

#103483 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:35

You should have told her... she could have brushed it off herself, or she would have asked you to. YDI.

Reply

Unlucky_Gun | 0

#4003497 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:41

Maybe OP didn't want to tell her because he didn't want to deal with a screaming woman

Reply

Helldemon | 32

#6561991 - Friday 18 March 2016 19:50

Or she would have completely freaked out about it

By LANCERZzZz | 0

#103485 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:41

YDI No good deed goes unpunished. Remember that next time.