Work: Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt.... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 98

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 550

You deserved it 90

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 564

You deserved it 39

11/04/2009 18:41

Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 322

You deserved it 16 976

Send a private message

Sunday 12 April 2009 2:01

The spider was on her shoulder to those who asked.

Empathy lives

You tried

Another great day to be alive

20/04/2016 18:55

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 325

You deserved it 1 501

17/11/2010 03:43

Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 940

You deserved it 57 523

21/11/2015 13:47

Today, my deadbeat dad threatened to press charges against me for harassment if I ever contact him again. I've contacted him twice in the last two years, once to tell him he was going to be a grandfather, and once to send him a birthday card from my son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 633

You deserved it 1 809

21/06/2009 16:20

Today, I spilt purple washing detergent all over my white carpet. Desperate to get it up I grabbed a blue towel and started mopping it up. The detergent hasn't stained the carpet at all, the blue dye from the towel has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 801

You deserved it 35 484

24/03/2009 10:18

Today, I decided to surprise-visit my grandparents. After knocking on the door and not getting a response, I opened it and walked in. Upon entering their house and yelling, "Hello", as I turned the corner I saw my near-deaf grandmother folding clothes while watching TV. She was topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 229

You deserved it 15 093

05/05/2014 05:07

Today, I spent an hour explaining to a college student how you could have a baby and not be married. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 672

You deserved it 4 536

24/09/2011 06:21

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 128

You deserved it 3 763

28/05/2019 04:00

Today, I dissected a baby pig. All I could think about was Wilber from Charlotte's Web. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 295

17/02/2017 16:00

Spicy

Today, my roommate told me that when he takes a shower he likes to swipe the bar of soap in between his butt cheeks, "like a credit card." I use that soap on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 734

You deserved it 1 604

22/10/2013 14:24

Today, as a science teacher, I did a science experiment in front of a class. One of my students asked me if it was "photoshopped." He was being serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 550

You deserved it 3 196

17/04/2013 22:56

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 572

You deserved it 3 284

Pleasant smell

By Anonymous - 10/12/2019 01:00

Today, while watching TV in my dorm, I clearly heard my roommate yell to someone proudly, "I've only taken a shower 4 or 5 times since I've been here." He's been my roommate for four months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 830

You deserved it 185

01/10/2014 16:53

Today, I held my bag of burger and fries out the window while driving, to preserve that new car smell. Not only did I hit a pothole and lose my lunch, I got pulled over by a cop who suspected I was either littering or tossing drugs when I saw him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 858

You deserved it 45 511

26/03/2012 04:31

Today, while I was sleeping, I managed to knock down the curtains by my bed. That would explain the gash on my head and blood on my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 180

You deserved it 2 188

03/05/2011 14:23

Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 374

You deserved it 4 572

PRAISE THE LORD!

By cantgetup - 03/04/2011 04:10

Spicy

Today, I discovered that my girlfriend can only orgasm when we have sex to gospel music. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 414

You deserved it 6 394

21/03/2015 15:12

Today, I was playing charades with my boyfriend and family. The answer was "Beckoning" so I acted it out with a "come here" gesture. He looked confused for a second, then blurted out "Fingering?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 922

You deserved it 3 884

28/01/2019 02:00

Today, my friend told me to try dating apps, saying, “What's the worst that could happen?” I just finished paying some girl $100 to not send a dick pic to all my Facebook friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 6 485

10/07/2018 19:00

Today, I went to the dentist at 8:30 for a check up. I walked out at 2:00 with a root canal and several thousand dollars in debt. I guess I'm not having a wedding this year or quitting the job I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 609

You deserved it 408

Caught in the act

By darkrebel01 - 21/04/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out how fast my dad's reaction speed is. I was coming downstairs and sat next to my dad on the couch to show him something I did in a class. He was on an adult website and didn't notice I was coming into the room until I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 608

You deserved it 212

12/07/2016 14:10

Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 546

You deserved it 1 161

12/10/2013 05:40

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 949

You deserved it 4 448

He got game

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 17:00

Today, my son told me he's had 5 boyfriends and is currently working to improve himself before getting into another relationship. When I was his age, I was still single. My son has more game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 208

20/12/2011 03:53

Today, another employee scolded me for being "socially awkward". The same employee who just before had a 10 minute discussion with a client about her poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 2 449

04/06/2014 13:56

Today, a coworker asked me why this week's report was not uploaded to the server. I've been writing these reports once a week for a year and they take a whole day to write. Upload them to what server? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 857

You deserved it 6 334

31/08/2010 13:13

Spicy

Today, I took pictures of myself and my girlfriend doing naughty things together on my camera. My mom later asked me if she could borrow the camera for the weekend. Without thinking, I gave her the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 252

You deserved it 53 994

16/10/2012 16:38

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 322

You deserved it 1 574

08/10/2009 04:30

Today, I went upstairs to scold my boys for running in the house because someone could get hurt. As I turned around to come back downstairs I tripped and fell all the way down to the landing at the bottom. I could hear them laughing in their rooms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 152

You deserved it 7 942

14/02/2017 09:00

Today, I went to get my first manicure. While waiting, I looked at the menu board. When I wondered aloud: "I know what a French manicure is, but what on Earth is a Polish change?" The whole place started laughing and I guess I'm not going back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 708

You deserved it 1 570

16/01/2009 09:40

Today, I decided to ride my bike to the bus stop to go to school. I wasn't even half way and the last bus had already left. I figured I would loop around instead of going back the way I came and ended up riding 16 miles before I got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 917

You deserved it 20 116

01/07/2014 04:26

Today, I had to explain what "cashback" was to a customer. She called me a liar and wanted to talk to a manager because she felt I made up the concept. I'm the manager. She wouldn't believe me and waited in the store for an hour. Apparently this is what a Masters degree gets me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 565

You deserved it 4 529

24/11/2018 16:40

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 829

You deserved it 614

13/03/2010 05:18

Today, my new anti-social cat started rubbing on my leg. I thought she must be warming up to me. Then, I looked at my leg and saw she smeared poo all over my work pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 143

You deserved it 3 369

05/01/2016 17:44

Today, my grandfather showed up at my house in a panic. He rushed over, with a gun, because I wasn't answering his texts and he thought something had happened to me. I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 240

You deserved it 2 115

04/10/2009 09:42

Today, after weeks of therapy for severe depression, my therapist thought it would be helpful to confess my deepest problems to my friends, to prove that it was alright to trust people. I did. They laughed. Hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 453

You deserved it 3 989

Blood is thicker…

By Anonymous - 01/05/2021 13:57

Spicy

Today, it's been a dozen years since I had sex, as my husband is mentally dealing with molestation as a kid by his uncle. Meanwhile, his mother is on vacation with the molester. Yes, she knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 79

End of the road

By Anonymous - 02/04/2021 21:30

Today, I landed my dream job with an international company. I figured I could work this until retirement, only to find out they hired me to shut down operations in my market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 60

17/08/2019 22:00

Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 135

05/09/2016 13:32

Today, I entered a raffle at a local fashion designer event; the prize was $400 credit at the store that was hosting it (which was just enough for one of their dresses). Good news: I won! Bad news: they don't carry a single thing above a women's size 5. I'm 6'2" and 180 lbs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 653

You deserved it 1 387

09/07/2016 15:14

Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 870

You deserved it 897

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

the spider should be the one accused of sexual harassment

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Nobody gives a damn if you're first. It makes you look like a jackass. To OP - For future incidences, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN NO MATTER WHERE. They will usually consider it sexual harassment. Just point it out and let them deal with it.

Comments

LenWK 0

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:29

You're a dumbass. YDI. Also, FIRST!

turkeymonster39 0

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Sunday 10 October 2010 11:07

because just telling her she had a spider on her was too hard?

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Sunday 20 May 2012 18:54

Welcome to America.

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:29

I would have hugged you or something. What a bitch. #1, how did he deserve it?

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Friday 23 April 2010 14:33

He was just trying to help!

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Nobody gives a damn if you're first. It makes you look like a jackass. To OP - For future incidences, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN NO MATTER WHERE. They will usually consider it sexual harassment. Just point it out and let them deal with it.

Send a private message

Sunday 12 April 2009 1:36

well #2 the OP could have said there's a spider on your shirt...but i don't think the op deserved it

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Ooh. D: Sorry, man!

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

the spider should be the one accused of sexual harassment

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Tuesday 23 February 2010 5:11

hahahahaha ^^

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Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:08

I'm not sure that it being on the back would be much better....

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Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:39

It was accused, I arrested it

you_not_me_OWNED 0

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

was it on the frontside of her shirt?

Dre27 20

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Saturday 9 May 2015 2:50

If it was on her rack its a ydi for sure

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:40

Very poor judgment... it is one thing if you say "hey there's a spider there, you want me to brush it off?"

CherishFlowers 0

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:35

You should have told her... she could have brushed it off herself, or she would have asked you to. YDI.

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Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:41

Maybe OP didn't want to tell her because he didn't want to deal with a screaming woman

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Friday 18 March 2016 19:50

Or she would have completely freaked out about it

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Sunday 12 April 2009 1:41

YDI No good deed goes unpunished. Remember that next time.