Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt.... - FML

By bdawg923 - 11/4/2009 18:41 - United States

Today, at work, I noticed a spider on a female co-worker's shirt. I gently brushed it off. She accused me of sexual harassment. FML

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bdawg923 tells us more :

The spider was on her shoulder to those who asked.

They're everywhere

Social distancing gone wrong

KoBabe

By Anonymous - 30/5/2015 03:51 - Australia

Today, my crackhead neighbour got slightly annoyed at my 2-day-old daughter's late-night wailing. Well, I think so, anyway, as she politely requested us to "SHUT THAT CUNT KID UP." or she would "BLOW BOTH OUR HOUSES UP, YOU FUCKING ASSFUCKS." But I'm not 100% sure. FML

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By thedancer5 - 3/8/2011 16:47 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

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By StudMuffinette - 18/7/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, I was at work when someone came in asking me to brush their pet shih tzu. After an hour of vigorously grooming through the multiple knots, I called the owner to collect their dog. When she got here she said, "Oh, did I say brush? I meant shave." FML

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By Oopsie - 20/7/2019 04:00

Today, nine hours into a ten-hour shift, I accidentally told a customer, "You're a problem!" instead of, "You're welcome!" or, "No problem!" She gave me a dirty look and hurried off before I could correct myself. FML

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By you+me-clothes=53>< - 19/11/2013 17:13 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend went down on me. I don't know why, but my mind wandered. He now thinks that he has the skills of a porn star, while I'm pretty sure that finally solving a mathematical problem I've been working on for a week caused me to orgasm. FML

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By scottishoatmeal - 1/2/2016 23:11 - United Kingdom - Auchterarder

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

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By Kyle - 9/11/2012 06:57 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I was told I look like a Simpson. I don't have blond hair, or any of the features of them. So I asked which one. I was told Homer because we both could use Weight Watchers and an education. FML

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By Jess - 30/5/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, my mom publicly pole danced. In a playground. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/6/2016 02:09 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I was eating breakfast when my little brother goes, "Mommy, what do you do for a living?" and my mom says "I'm a headmaster", and my dad goes, "Oh yeah she is." FML

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By Brit - 16/12/2011 08:50 - Reserved

Today, two American guys attacked me for not speaking their language. I'm from England, and they said I'm speaking my own language wrong. FML

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By Gen - 17/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, I was telling off one of my friends, a fellow student of medicine, who was spending his evenings watching "House" instead of revising for our important exam, as I was. The topic mentioned in the episode came up in the exam. He got 4 points more than I did. FML

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By Phoenix2115 - 26/2/2018 17:00 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, after ordering a custom $200 Valentine's Day gift box for my husband, he gave it away to a female coworker upon delivery because Valentine's Day isn't for guys. I hope she like the new Xbox one controller and all the gift cards as well. FML

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By Anon - 4/12/2015 07:14 - United States - Modesto

Today, I got detention at school because a girl told the principal I was stalking her on campus. I wasn't stalking her, we just have very similar schedules. FML

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By go choke on a gonad - 8/8/2013 13:13 - United States - Dayton

Today, my fiancé asked for money to bail his brother out of jail, the same brother who happily spent a whole day recently trying to convince my fiancé that I've been cheating on him with my own cousin. So I said no. He shook his head in disgust and said that I'm "unbelievably spiteful". FML

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By baberuth - 19/6/2015 22:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I heard my sister screaming from the basement, "Don't you hit me, you asshole!" Knowing her boyfriend was over, I ran downstairs with my baseball bat, ready to smash the fucker hitting my sister. Turns out they were just playing Mario Kart and he rammed her off the edge of a bridge. FML

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By subduedbeast - 27/10/2014 18:48 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend for what I thought would be a romantic horse-drawn carriage ride. We didn't expect the horse to die in the middle of it. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I wanted to make love with my boyfriend for the first time. I wanted everything to be perfect. The CD kept skipping, the rose petals had ants all over them, and he couldn't get it up. FML

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By thishasbeenaverytellingnight - 8/10/2017 16:00

Today, I was working in bed when my boyfriend stumbled in, drunk as hell. He got on top of me saying he wanted sex. After a moment, he paused and said, “Sorry, I thought you were Stephen.” I’m a girl. Stephen is my father. FML

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By fuck - 21/4/2012 02:48 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my girlfriend dragged me along to one of her family's paintball matches. Her father is a former marine, and hates my guts. He kept going well out of his way to hunt me down and pump as many rounds into me as possible without causing a scene. FML

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By Powerless - 30/8/2012 06:05 - Australia

Today, I had a planned 12-hour power cut for maintenance work, which I'd forgot all about. In need of a shower before work, I spent 45 minutes boiling pots of water on the stove to take a lukewarm, 6-inch deep bath, before realizing my water heater runs on natural gas and was working fine. FML

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By OhNo - 13/7/2010 15:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

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By ElectroSpecter - 23/2/2019 14:00

Today, I went to get a haircut. I have a pretty bad case of dandruff, so whenever I get one, a lot of it shows. My hairstylist called to her nearby friend twice, then looked at my hair and said, "Blech" under her breath. I got glares when I walked out. FML

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By Denki - 30/1/2013 12:21 - China - Beijing

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

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By SADlilAZN - 17/2/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I made a couple videos of me playing guitar and singing some of my favorite songs. I arrived back from school to find my family huddled around the cam-corder laughing, imitating, and making jokes about the video. FML

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By psychopumpkin - 13/5/2013 14:16 - United Kingdom - Boston

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

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By wtf - 20/6/2011 07:43 - Canada

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

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By ldbella - 27/2/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I decided to do a word search in my daughter's Hello Kitty coloring book. It took me 30 minutes to find 6 words in a kids coloring book for ages 1 and up. FML

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By U_U - 20/10/2013 19:20 - United States

Today, my husband confessed his pregnancy fetish to me, and now wants me to wear a fake belly when we have sex. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2009 23:06 - United States

Today, my biology teacher told me that every Friday we should wear a hideous shirt to count down the last days of freshman year. So when Friday came around we decided to have a contest for most hideous shirt. I won. I forgot to wear a hideous shirt. FML

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By no - 25/6/2016 02:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got in a huge fight with my pregnant wife because I cannot consent to naming our future daughter Paprika. FML

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By Annabelle - 5/7/2009 20:12 - United States

Today, I got a call from my parents that they have decided to get a divorce. My brothers and I just shelled out $5,000 each and spent months planning their 50th Anniversary party that was supposed to be next month. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2020 05:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Session done!

Today, I thought it would be fun to have a sex session with my boyfriend. I sent him a suggestive message, and 30 minutes later he texted me back to let me know he was done. FML

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By That escalated quickly - 24/6/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

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By ari - 18/2/2013 22:15 - United States

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2016 00:56 - Canada - Concord

Today, I fell off the top of my bunk bed in my sleep onto a running fan. FML

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By J Claire Sanchez - 22/3/2020 15:56

No rest for the heroes

Today, everyone has been advised to stay home and self-quarantine due to the COVID19 outbreak. This would've been great and all, especially since I'm pregnant and need the bed rest, but I work as a doctor and we're understaffed. FML

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By GoogleOFF - 7/7/2020 08:08

Alexa, fuck off

Today, my Google Home decided the TV told it to play 'Despacito'. It didn't. Google then decided I wasn't yelling at it to turn it off. I was. FML

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By dummy - 22/5/2009 05:12 - Canada

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

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By khaelian - 8/12/2010 11:47

Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures so that I could identify them. No, I still don't know what they look like, but I have seen their penis. FML

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By cutthroatkait - 5/8/2014 22:44 - United States

Today, I picked up an extra shift at the store. It was also the day the store's ventilation system shut down, resulting in carbon monoxide poisoning for me and two co-workers. FML

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Top comments

By Serial | 2

#103478 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

the spider should be the one accused of sexual harassment

By Aflacduck | 0

#103463 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Nobody gives a damn if you're first. It makes you look like a jackass.

To OP - For future incidences, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN NO MATTER WHERE. They will usually consider it sexual harassment. Just point it out and let them deal with it.

COMMENTS

By LenWK | 0

#103447 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:29

You're a dumbass. YDI.

Also, FIRST!

Reply

turkeymonster39 | 0

#1526869 - Sunday 10 October 2010 11:07

because just telling her she had a spider on her was too hard?

Reply

ahti546 | 11

#4459786 - Sunday 20 May 2012 18:54

Welcome to America.

By perfectwinds | 0

#103461 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:29

I would have hugged you or something. What a bitch. #1, how did he deserve it?

Reply

MissDanish17 | 5

#984038 - Friday 23 April 2010 14:33

He was just trying to help!

By Aflacduck | 0

#103463 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Nobody gives a damn if you're first. It makes you look like a jackass.

To OP - For future incidences, DO NOT TOUCH WOMEN NO MATTER WHERE. They will usually consider it sexual harassment. Just point it out and let them deal with it.

By ryan__h | 1

#103471 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:36

well #2 the OP could have said there's a spider on your shirt...but i don't think the op deserved it

By TeaPirate | 0

#103474 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

Ooh. D: Sorry, man!

By Serial | 2

#103478 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:32

the spider should be the one accused of sexual harassment

Reply

matt1234321 | 0

#884326 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 5:11

hahahahaha ^^

Reply

Lauren10102 | 3

#1574872 - Wednesday 20 October 2010 3:08

I'm not sure that it being on the back would be much better....

Reply

Unlucky_Gun | 0

#4003491 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:39

It was accused, I arrested it

By you_not_me_OWNED | 0

#103481 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:33

was it on the frontside of her shirt?

Reply

Dre27 | 20

#6285723 - Saturday 9 May 2015 2:50

If it was on her rack its a ydi for sure

By drimpossible | 0

#103482 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:40

Very poor judgment... it is one thing if you say "hey there's a spider there, you want me to brush it off?"

By CherishFlowers | 0

#103483 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:35

You should have told her... she could have brushed it off herself, or she would have asked you to. YDI.

Reply

Unlucky_Gun | 0

#4003497 - Tuesday 7 February 2012 5:41

Maybe OP didn't want to tell her because he didn't want to deal with a screaming woman

Reply

Helldemon | 32

#6561991 - Friday 18 March 2016 19:50

Or she would have completely freaked out about it

By LANCERZzZz | 0

#103485 - Sunday 12 April 2009 1:41

YDI No good deed goes unpunished. Remember that next time.