Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML
Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I writhed in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet, that I'm embarrassing him. He also mentioned that jellyfish were out today and that I should be careful. Thanks, dad. FML
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Top comments
KatrinaKitten 16
You should have yanked him in the water and drowned him; Show him Shamu!
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
I like cupcakes.
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Comments (121)
xoCOURTNIEox 0
wow that's harsh :/ kick your dad in the balls & walk off !
lextheplex 0
oh you fatass!
perdix 31
Is it because you are half black and half white? You should have told your dad it's his fault for not marrying within his own race.
DeLpHe3zY 7
YDI for being fat. Is it really that hard to stay fit and eat healthy..
ILoveYourDespair 0
Depends on the person. Some people have no restraint.
ReynshineCutting 10
It's not just "eat healthy and work out" for all people. That doesn't work on everyone you know...
bigbisawesome 0
ur an asshole that is all
chillamastr92 0
In most of the US, it actually is, because of money. It's 2-3 dollars cheaper to buy a two liter bottle of soda than it is to buy a 6" diameter watermelon.
DeLpHe3zY 7
lol the gay kid called me an asshole. I rofled
EllieLovesYou 0
I bet you feel shitty now huh? :| Dick >.
tnlander 20
OP it wasn't a comment about your horrific weight. It was your raw fish odor that caused him to compare you to a sea creature.
thegr8destroyer 0
nice :)
dibean 0
I'd be willing to bet that you people saying stuff like just lose the weight and calling OP fat ass have never had to lose weight. You should educate yourselves before making ignorant comments like that. You don't know the reason OP is overweight so remember what your mama used to say if you can't anything nice keep your ******* mouth shut.
DeLpHe3zY 7
ignorant my ass.. I work out every day. I maintain a fit body. I know damn well how to stay fit and not a fatass
FreebirdIII 1
You tell them Red. While your at it, tell OP's dad. I don't think he got the memo.
exotramp 5
your comment was and is ignorant (narrow minded and myopic). kudos to you though for exercising everyday to keep fit. make sure you do it for the rest of your life though cos the minute you take a break you gonna end up looking like Shamu too.
exotramp 5
#62 I have a cousin whose got some hormonal imbalance that makes him put on weight. he watches his food intake and exercises everyday but doesn't help. he's medicated now to regulate his hormones and metabolism. so I understand where u are coming from.
ReynshineCutting 10
You also have a normal metabolism. Not everybody does. Some people have other stuff going on that make it so they can't maintain a healthy weight. Asshole.
FreebirdIII 1
I bet you didn't get lost.
BBBBOOOOYYYU 3
what a dick
bigbadtim 7
Now that's a whale of a tale.
Jenna_Tell_Yuh 0
hahaha
joshswensoon15 0
fatman