Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my parents held a big family dinner at our house. Being the only underage person there, I had to sit there while everyone got progressively drunker and started commenting on how eerily similar I look to Shamu the whale. FML
Today, I found out my friends call me 'Shamu the whale' behind my back. FML
Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML
Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML
Today, my family and I went to a beach where you could swim with dolphins. I was a little scared to swim with them so the trainers had a five minute chat to me about how they were harmless creatures. Once I got in, the dolphin attacked me and bit me. FML
Today, I was playing with my four year-old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML
Today, our family went to a water park. The park's mascot came up to greet us, and my daughter got scared. She then refused to go inside, so we had no choice but to leave. FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
Today, my dad called my by the family dog's name, and stared at me blankly as if struggling to remember my name when I was annoyed. FML
Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I writhed in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet, that I'm embarrassing him. He also mentioned that jellyfish were out today and that I should be careful. Thanks, dad. FML
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Top comments
KatrinaKitten 16
You should have yanked him in the water and drowned him; Show him Shamu!
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
I like cupcakes.
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Comments (121)
thegr8destroyer 0
I love giraffe's!
Egnar 19
I like how the FML actually says that dad was being sarcastic - As in, dad was making a joke that you understood was a joke, otherwise you never would have used the word sarcastic. So, where is the problem exactly?. . Hell, I could see my dad making that same joke and I'm hardly fat at all. Kudos for being able to recognize a joke, unlike most FML posters whom can't even tell, but, you need to progress past that to learning how to take a joke.
RedPillSucks 33
Mean spirited jokes are not funny. Walk into a biker bar or a bar full of marines and start joking about what morons the patrons are. As they're beating the crap out of you, remind them that it was just a joke and they should get a sense of humor. OP, you should remind your dad that they're called killer whales for a reason and he should watch his back.
barlessprison 16
Well said.
Egnar 19
Mean spirited jokes in the presence of strangers may not be funny because it doesn't sound like a joke at all - But, the OP understood it was a joke, hence the "sarcastically" in the FML - He KNOWS his father doesn't actually feel that way.
TaylorTotsYumm 10
Jokes can hurt too.
emokid321 0
tell it like it is yo
xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7
bahahahahaha xDDD im sorry but thts funny xDDD but also sad
lmaoatall 6
I don't find it funny when a parent mentally abuses their own kid. this is a bigger issue than what people are seeing it as. this wasn't an asshole stranger, this was a parent. I don't find it amusing.
Scooter42 15
Its nice that your dad has a sense of humour about your obesity. If you were my kid I'd be bringing you to a gym myself and making sure you are eating properly until you get down to a healthy weight.
steelersfan3250 0
that's horrible does your dad hate ya'll or something
William488 1
tell him he should be glad you guys did not go to the zoo. because most would get him mixed up with an ass.
Haleyz_a_BOSS 0
Ouch...eat a salad?
sxe_beast 11
YDI for being a pile of lard fatty.
xoxoMEGANxoxo 13
well if the the whales start singing "we r family" then I'm sorry...
deatheater97 0
thats messed up