By anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Secret sex

Today, I had a dream that I had secret sex with Dumbledore more than once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1682

You deserved it

403

Tweet

Share

In-laws, in-fighting

Laundry drama

Not now, please

By ur_life_dus_suck - United States - Wayne

Today, my mom celebrated a year's sobriety by having a couple of beers with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23137

You deserved it

1682

Tweet

Share

By jasminejzhu - Australia - Melbourne

Today, after an exhausting weekend of work, I decided to take a nap. I was awoken several hours later by my mother-in-law knocking on my door. Apparently my 11-year-old called up grandma to complain that she was hungry and that mum was sleeping instead of cooking dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46904

You deserved it

11644

Tweet

Share

By nomorenakedpicsplease - Canada - Leduc

Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend gives out my number to guys who ask for hers. Let's just say that I'll never be able to unsee the pictures that were sent to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

59252

You deserved it

5260

Tweet

Share

By Single - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, my girlfriend showed me a print of a Banksy that she'd just bought, telling me it was an original. When I tried to argue that it wasn't, she broke up with me for "implying she was a moron." FML

I agree, your life sucks

23952

You deserved it

2935

Tweet

Share

By SlappyMcGee - United States

Today, I was talking to a hot girl at the bus stop. She seemed interested in me and I was feeling a connection forming. When the bus came, I offered to let her board first, but she said it "wasn't her bus" and said goodbye. Later, I realized I'd spent 20 minutes making moves on a prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22138

You deserved it

7146

Tweet

Share

By crybaby - United States - Seattle

Today, I went to let my puppy out, and I turned around to see her peeing on the carpet. After getting her outside, I saw my little sister pooping on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11571

You deserved it

810

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29720

You deserved it

3309

Tweet

Share

By grossedout - United States

Today, while cleaning the house, I discovered that my husband has been making a little mountain of whatever he finds up his nose on the underside of our couch when he watches TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30025

You deserved it

2522

Tweet

Share

By iamamermaid - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31936

You deserved it

4761

Tweet

Share

By AmICrappyEveryOtherDay - Canada

Today, I received my first compliment in a really long time. It went, "Hey, you don't look like crap today." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29266

You deserved it

4288

Tweet

Share

By hairy - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24434

You deserved it

13768

Tweet

Share

By wipeoffincircles - United States - Gresham

Today, at work, my manager thought I needed to be showed how to use Windex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3412

You deserved it

466

Tweet

Share

By spiderbaby - United States - San Francisco

Today, I opened a window that had been shut for a couple of months. As soon as I did, dozens of tiny baby spiders blew in with the breeze, and dispersed in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26413

You deserved it

2508

Tweet

Share

By okay then - United States - Avon Lake

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he found out my birthday is the same day as his, and he thinks we are twins who were separated at birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45702

You deserved it

3491

Tweet

Share

By camzzz - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were walking around when she got lost in a crowd. And me, being a pig, playfully grabbed her butt. I realized it wasn't hers when the guy whose butt I'd grabbed by accident knocked me unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12144

You deserved it

47443

Tweet

Share

By baseball25635 - United States

Today, I was at my son's baseball game when a foul ball came flying toward my brand new car. In an attempt to save my windshield, I dove onto trying to stop the ball only to land on my windshield, crack it and see the ball land safely on the ground next to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11395

You deserved it

40295

Tweet

Share

By O__o - United States

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27589

You deserved it

3737

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to be going on my first date with a guy I really liked. He never showed up. I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up. He told him he didn't have a daughter and to never show up on his driveway again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45783

You deserved it

3179

Tweet

Share

By Zoo

Today, I went to therapy. Previously, I had been given the task to write a list of things I hate about myself so my doctor could see what we needed to work on. I gave her the list, and she simply said, "Wow, I've never had someone give me such a long list." I had 55 items on the list. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1722

You deserved it

229

Tweet

Share

By :| - New Zealand - Nelson

Today, my 6-year-old daughter touched a tray I'd just pulled out of the oven. I quickly swatted her hand away, but then noticed she wasn't hurt or burned at all. I then gingerly touched the tray and got scalded. My daughter giggled maniacally as I screamed. To be honest, I'm now terrified of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29613

You deserved it

4232

Tweet

Share

By RIP

Today, I went snowboarding for the first time. Aside from falling every 2 minutes, I was apparently showing the entire mountain (including my dad) my thong every time I fell and got back up. My boyfriend saw everything and didn't let me know until we finished the 20-minute run we were on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5492

You deserved it

1821

Tweet

Share

By XxrudyxX - Canada - Fort Saskatchewan

Today, my garage got broken into and someone stole my $3000 bike. I bought it a month ago while I recovered from a knee injury. I just got enough strength 2 days ago to ride it. I've only ridden it once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2868

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By rhya4n - Denmark - Herlev

Today, while I was applying some eyeliner, my cat jumped onto the counter and managed to headbutt me. The wand scratched a good portion of my eyeball, and now for the next few weeks, I will have to deal with the pain of a corneal abrasion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24929

You deserved it

3352

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/9/2020 02:02

Kids say the darndest things

Today, I asked my 2-year-old if he loved me. His response? “No mama, stop.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

851

You deserved it

203

Tweet

Share

By never ending story - United States

Today, it doesn’t matter that I had major surgery on my hand 2 days ago and am supposed to be on bed rest with no hand movement for 3 weeks. According to my father and my husband, it doesn’t excuse me from wifely house duties and being the sole caretaker of our one-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5478

You deserved it

444

Tweet

Share

By stressed - United States - Statham

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36749

You deserved it

2634

Tweet

Share

By defectivesuperhero

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2265

You deserved it

313

Tweet

Share

By ThanksMom - United States - State College

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

13460

You deserved it

1296

Tweet

Share

By Activesleeper - Australia - Flinders

Today, I woke up to 7 texts about the data overage charges that were accrued last night while I slept. Apparently my phone used nearly 8 GB of data, with no apps open, while I was sound asleep, leaving me with a $63 fee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4050

You deserved it

404

Tweet

Share

By FreshFaced - United Kingdom

Today, I went into work for the first time without make-up. My boss thought I looked so tired and ill that he sent me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40889

You deserved it

8024

Tweet

Share

By lonelygirl - Australia - Chatswood

Today, I didn't mind paying a little bit extra for my manicure because I forgot how nice it was to have someone hold your hand. Even if it was an old Asian lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37225

You deserved it

5641

Tweet

Share

By lifeonfire12 - Canada

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

22586

You deserved it

41921

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, at dinner with my boyfriend and my family, my mother had too much to drink and asked my boyfriend how I was in bed with the purpose of embarrassing me. His reply? "Not as good as her sister." His defense? "It was only one time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31687

You deserved it

2881

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I finally got a promotion at work. Today I also found out that no matter how long I work, no matter how much effort and unpaid overtime I put in for 6 years, my coworkers will be convinced I only got promoted because I'm the CFO's son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24089

You deserved it

2607

Tweet

Share

By Eric

Today, my girlfriend of 3 years broke up with me because I added an old high school friend on Facebook. She claims this person is getting in the middle of our relationship. I haven't talked to him in years, and he lives across the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1792

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By EpicFail - United States

Today, in class, I volunteered to read a poem out loud. I accidentally said "circumcised" instead of "circumscribed". I don't think I"ll be volunteering to read anything more. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19993

You deserved it

4492

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12465

You deserved it

865

Tweet

Share

By rawr

Losing my mind

Today, I managed to lose a 3XL fleece jacket in my house, which had my wallet and car keys in it. I had the pleasure of explaining this to my boss when I had to call in, after everyone I called did not respond. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1325

You deserved it

325

Tweet

Share

By regretsteachinghighschool - United States - Rochester

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48403

You deserved it

5803

Tweet

Share

By Jan - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, a German guy came into the place where I work. Eager to use the German that I'd learned from my immigrant mother and her family, I started a conversation. Things were going well until the term I grew up thinking meant "Africa" turned out to be racist, translating as "Ape Land." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33153

You deserved it

4289

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Sagar Nair | 11

#7863553 - Sunday 1 December 2019 16:37

So....was it a magical experience?

By QueenSaru | 27

#7863564 - Sunday 1 December 2019 18:06

I mean, if it was Jude Law era Dumbledore, no one blames you.

COMMENTS

By Sagar Nair | 11

#7863553 - Sunday 1 December 2019 16:37

So....was it a magical experience?

By Briarpatch | 20

#7863556 - Sunday 1 December 2019 17:04

The wording is confusing. Did you have sex with Dumbledore more than once during a single dream, or did you have several separate dreams about sex with Dumbledore? Neither one is really an FML or a YDI. It's just a thing. Are you afraid that you're secretly turned on by older bearded men? Sex dreams aren't always sexy or titillating. If older bearded men turn you on, you would already know about it. And if they do, what's the big deal in it? Your personal turn-ons are your personal turn-ons. So what?

Reply

dozyrosy | 1

#7864933 - Saturday 7 December 2019 6:07

they're probably just grossed out man

By QueenSaru | 27

#7863564 - Sunday 1 December 2019 18:06

I mean, if it was Jude Law era Dumbledore, no one blames you.

By Susan Yee | 9

#7863614 - Sunday 1 December 2019 22:13

With the young or old Dumbledore?

By mfranks19891989 | 10

#7863674 - Monday 2 December 2019 3:18

Oh so it was you that killed him and not snape

By LP13413 | 8

#7863680 - Monday 2 December 2019 4:46

Did he use his Elder Wand on you?

By Mathalamus | 24

#7863840 - Monday 2 December 2019 18:23

Well, that took a left turn.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7864197 - Wednesday 4 December 2019 2:22

You "Potterheads" are a bunch of freaks.

By Jonkbaby | 19

#7864746 - Friday 6 December 2019 10:03

you shall not pass!!

By Adam Scully | 2

#7866297 - Thursday 12 December 2019 2:14

Ten points to Gryffindor!!!!