Love: Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some... - FML

By Freechbear - 17/09/2011 17:21 - United States

Today, my ex girlfriend is sleeping over at my house. At some point while she was preparing to dump me, she became best friends with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 071

You deserved it 2 780

This Charming Man

Our house, in the middle of our street

Sing me to sleep

Family issues

By thanks bro - 05/03/2021 17:00 - United States

Today, my brother refused to bring his kids to a small family get together for my daughter’s birthday, due to his fear of Covid. Later, I saw online that he was at a huge party for his wife’s family, no masks in sight. When I confronted him, he blocked me and won’t return my calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 112

By soontobemurder - 03/05/2017 18:00

Today, my boss took back my week off because he wants to take a spontaneous Caribbean vacation with his wife, which is "clearly more important" than what I was going to do. I needed that time off so I could be with my Dad in hospice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 687

You deserved it 242

By cookieman - 06/01/2017 11:52

Today, in a coffee shop, I purchased two doughnuts and cup of coffee, a regular order which I've bought many times before. Today the cost was $1 less and when I inquired why, I was told, "I gave you the senior's discount." Their policy is a senior discount for anyone over 55. I turned 50 last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 394

You deserved it 1 287

By Anonymous - 29/07/2012 04:25 - Denmark - Frederiksberg

Today, while getting ready to go to bed, I told my boyfriend that I feel depressed due to the lack of intimacy in our relationship. His response was to roll over, fall asleep, and send a deadly fart my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 091

You deserved it 3 829

Your cooking, dude

By Anonymous - 09/02/2021 20:00

Today, I made popcorn shrimp. My dog was being a whiner so I gave her one of the shrimp. I guess she didn't like it because she hopped right back up and spat it out on my plate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 640

By birthday bash - 04/01/2010 02:38 - France

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. She decided that her "gift to herself" would be to leave the loser who has been holding her back for two years. Hello, my name is Ben, and I am that loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 625

You deserved it 5 077

Unreasonable

By minnie - 14/02/2021 06:01 - United States - Denver

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 150

You deserved it 217

Alexa, play "Get The Message" by Electronic

By Anonymous - 10/04/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Banchory

Today, it became apparent that telling your crush you like them isn't worth a response. I mean after all it's not like I'm sitting here not thinking about them and hoping for something to happen. No no, a simple "No thanks" is too much hard work for some. FML

I agree, your life sucks 723

You deserved it 331

Sue! SUE!

By homelessagain - 18/02/2017 06:00 - United States - Lorain

Today, I found out, through Facebook, that my landlord hadn't been paying the mortgage on the house I'm renting from him. It's going into foreclosure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 707

You deserved it 413

By Annoyed Student - 09/04/2013 23:09 - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 933

You deserved it 4 133

By Anonymous - 29/09/2014 15:42 - United States - Springfield

Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He told me one of my lights was busted, and I couldn't help but point out that one of his was out too. He said, "Thanks, I'll get that fixed right away." then gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 364

You deserved it 6 638

By gas money - 22/11/2015 04:34 - United States - Reno

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 782

You deserved it 3 476

By creepyeyes - 21/06/2009 18:37 - Canada

Today, I got myself a cool pair of colored contacts. I was wearing them while at home, so that I'll get used to them. Then I had to go to a job interview. I forgot to take them out. I went to a job interview with zebra-print eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 980

You deserved it 68 487

By maf811 - 07/11/2011 12:13 - United States

Today, my mother panicked and was about to report me missing when I didn't answer her calls while I was at a movie. I'm 31, and have lived on my own for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 936

You deserved it 2 780

By Girl123999 - 04/03/2009 23:07 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 265 145

You deserved it 35 363

#1 Dad of the day

By Anonymous - 19/06/2020 05:02

Today, according to my husband, our son is at the difficult age where he can finally speak fluent English, but is still too childishly dumb to say anything interesting, intelligent or frankly worth listening to at all. There are times I wish I was a divorced single mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 413

By InnocenceBlue - 01/08/2019 12:00

Today, as always, my mother hates my life choices. Particularly my hair for some reason. As she's always whinging about it being dyed blonde, I dyed it back to my natural colour again to appease her, and stop the constant bullying. She hates it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 640

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 09/11/2010 11:13 - India

Today, I saw an old homeless man who had just fallen down due to his drinking. Everyone laughed at him, but I felt bad, so I went to help him up. My reward? A quick punch in the face, landing me in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 859

You deserved it 6 027

By Anonymous - 03/12/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 3 565

By Isabelle18 - 19/07/2009 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 313

You deserved it 29 493

By liveviathetredmill - 01/10/2012 20:04 - United States - New York

Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 944

You deserved it 5 053

Seasons greetings to you too

By leanne - 16/12/2020 17:58 - United States - Denver

Today, I said hi to my coworker and she immediately yelled, "Get your gross unwashed hands out of my face!" I wash my hands compulsively and they were nowhere near her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 69

By selfishsexysanta - 24/12/2012 18:06 - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my husband an early Christmas present: Santa-themed lingerie. He got angry and called me selfish, for "using" him as an excuse to get myself nice stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 297

You deserved it 13 800

By cedechan - 29/09/2012 04:08 - United States - Tucson

Today, I got food poisoning at work. I had my head in the toilet when the auto flush decided to turn on. The force of the flush was so powerful half of what I threw up splashed back into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 642

You deserved it 2 456

By skigal24 - 30/05/2011 14:59 - United States

Today, my only motivation to get out of bed was cupcakes in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 596

You deserved it 16 542

By NotBeingPaidEnough - 03/03/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 330

You deserved it 1 306

By disappointed - 23/07/2012 01:05

Today, I got to live my life's dream of going whale watching. Apparently my true life's dream was to get extremely seasick, sunburned to a crisp, and pay $60 to see only seagulls in the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 224

You deserved it 4 191

By joecool3426 - 03/10/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 500

You deserved it 9 435

By BadFather - 21/11/2011 06:23 - Australia

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 693

You deserved it 42 840

By Kat - 31/08/2012 01:08 - United States - Tiverton

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend got a new tattoo. It was a big tattoo of Pikachu on his hip. I told him now I'd feel like I was having sex with an 8-year-old boy. His defense? "No, no, think of it as having sex with Pikachu!" He still refuses to understand why that's weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 161

You deserved it 5 690

By notpayedenoughforthisshit - 21/07/2014 21:15 - United States - Boone

Today, for the third time this week, I had to clean up after someone who pissed themselves in the beer aisle at the grocery store where I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 656

You deserved it 3 422

By Anonymous - 19/12/2017 13:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 8 710

By deanlazore - 23/06/2016 03:09 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 530

You deserved it 1 992

By Anonymous - 03/09/2015 01:33 - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 1 737

By the attention seeker - 17/04/2013 21:57 - United States - North Miami Beach

Today my mother met my in-laws for the first time. She had been an alcoholic and had us sent to foster care 15 years ago. My husband told his parents this behind my back a while ago. When they asked her about it, she denied everything. His entire family now thinks I lie for attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 857

You deserved it 4 293

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

By bee - 23/12/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I got my report card from school. I pulled my grade up in Algebra from a D to an A. My parents told me that they never expected me to accomplish this, and good job but they've already enrolled me in boarding school. So much for all that extra credit and staying late after school to study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 506

You deserved it 3 474

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 02:01

Today, I waved at my crush, but he waved at someone behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 72

By Worstjob - 03/03/2011 00:35 - United States

Today, I started my job as a high school janitor. A student decided to welcome me by taking a dump in the urinal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 251

You deserved it 4 433

By Swatted - 17/02/2015 06:39 - United States - Sparks

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 189

You deserved it 2 922

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Top comments

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Saturday 17 September 2011 23:58

Chicks before dicks.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:03

At least when you fight with your sister you can say "yeah well, I slept with your best friend!"

Comments

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Saturday 17 September 2011 23:58

Chicks before dicks.

ikickgingers 15

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:07

Is it your step sister ?? ;)

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:07

Chicks with dicks: the transvestite motto.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:08

I hope she didn't have to listen to the music coming out of his room. Karaoking to "I'm all out of love" while crying is a sad sad thing to hear

LiveLaughFML 10

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:12

sisters before misters =)

madskittlesftw 5

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:22

And now you're sisters going to know everything you did with her. You are officially screwed.

GrammarNazzzzzi 6

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:31

Dicks in chicks: The right way........motto

Streeet_hayley 6

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Sunday 18 September 2011 1:17

Bros before hoes..

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Sunday 18 September 2011 1:29

Hoes for your bros^^

urdirtyolduncle 15

Send a private message

Sunday 18 September 2011 2:52

Bros inside of hoes?

GrammarNazzzzzi 6

Send a private message

Sunday 18 September 2011 4:06

39 - Number 1 rule of the Bro Code: Dont talk about the Bro Code!

Streeet_hayley 6

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Sunday 18 September 2011 5:01

65- Im a girl. I just heard that expression somewhere and said it.

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Sunday 18 September 2011 6:48

^^^^^ and that's why the #1 rule should never be broken.

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Saturday 17 September 2011 23:59

Try to drug her and make her forget...

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:11

You have experience in this. . .?

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:13

Whoops.

HowAreYouToday 34

Sunday 18 September 2011 0:31

I worry about the people on this site

rattusrattus 18

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Sunday 18 September 2011 1:13

I'm a fairly 'worrying' person in real life, and I worry about some of the people on this site. Not in a "I hope they're ok" way either.

ImFineThanksYou 4

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Sunday 18 September 2011 1:43

Yeah, because that's really classy...

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Sunday 18 September 2011 2:25

And then when she remembers you drugging her spend the rest of your life in prison! Good plan.

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Monday 19 September 2011 3:48

63 - unfortunately the kiddies have been exposed to worse on this site... shit I'd even go as far to say off this site as well.

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Monday 6 February 2012 8:37

Ur sick

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:00

Well that's going to be akward ...

thegreatbigwhite 2

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:38

Awkward like your spelling?

madskittlesftw 5

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Sunday 18 September 2011 1:22

^ don't be a bitch.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 5:04

#3 Your hot!

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Sunday 18 September 2011 6:04

30, Go screw yourself man Don't be such a jackass

chika_yeaah23 0

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Sunday 18 September 2011 6:23

Wow people rag on peoples spelling all the time but I've never heard names thrown around because of it. Little harsh don't ya think?

TorturedXeno 27

Sunday 18 September 2011 13:24

My ex-GF practically lived in my sister's room for two to two-and-a-half months this summer. I seriously hated it. And my parents (especially my mom) allowed it to continue. What did my ex do to repay my mom's generosity? Snuck out to booze parties with my underaged sister multiple times and smoked in my mom's car whenever she borrowed it. Fucking bitch. Has no decency.

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Thursday 14 August 2014 11:20

plus the ex is a bitch

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:01

It's settled, u have to go for ur ex's sister

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:55

or brother.. this couldve changed him :P

djgomezzi9331 0

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Sunday 18 September 2011 1:52

Of course not necessarily. She said "could" as in, it's possible.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 3:44

Unless her sister is 3, then that's just sick.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 7:05

What if she has a 5 yr old bro?!?!?!?

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Sunday 18 September 2011 17:50

Revenge is revenge

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:01

Yikes!

DoggyDoggWorld 0

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:02

I guess that proves that it's your sister's fault she broke up with you.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:39

Not necessarily.

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Tuesday 20 September 2011 1:16

Hahaha

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:03

It appears a cunt punt is in order

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:25

I can't concentrate after seeing that pic.

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:03

It appears a cunt punt is in order

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:03

At least when you fight with your sister you can say "yeah well, I slept with your best friend!"

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Sunday 18 September 2011 0:04

LOL!

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 7

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 68

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 79