Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML
Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Oh thank god. I thought I was the only one who defecates when I'm excited.
person961 9
If I was your neighbor I would be more amazed than angry. How the hell does a dog chase a cat into another persons house? Offer to clean the mess for them, show you can be a kind person and I'm sure they'll relax a little if they're mad.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (75)
Crysteria 8
If you can't keep your dog leashed/contained, then you shouldn't have a dog.
furubafan74 18
Defecate means "to poop" and dogs most certainly do poop.
avidreader121 7
Crap happens! offer to clean the mess up and some day you will look back on this and laugh.
machern 1
Hopefully your neighbor at least got to watch it catch the cat.
alicat13 12
It is your job to secure your animals. you are lucky your dog was not killed.
mclovin22897 15
Lets hope your neighbors are very understanding.
Your_mom_12 2
I have 5 doggies. When we first moved we didn't have a fence built yet and my dogs would get out and just run around the neighborhood and bark and we'd have to chase them. The animal control got called on us a couple times too. They never hurt anyone or anything but some people are scared of dog I'd be scared it I saw a dog running at me and barking.
mattorama 15
You know you're supposed to TRAIN your dog, right? YDI for being an irresponsible pet owner.
Lang88 13
Did you offer to pay for the cleaning services and gave them a house warming gift?
TopHatNinja68 6
Dog wins by far