Today, my escape artist of a dog got out. She not only chased someone else's cat into someone else's house, but promptly defecated all over their living room floor out of excitement. That's one way to meet the new neighbors. FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my roommate let his dog out. Not even five minutes later, she walked into my room and dropped a deuce. FML
Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML
Today, my dog disappeared for an hour. After I'd called her name repeatedly, she crawled out from under my bed, threw up on my feet, and then happily walked out the room. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to sneak up behind my cat and scare it with a loud "boo!" The cat responded by jumping up, and running across my apartment, which would have been fine, except for the fact she left a trail of liquid shit everywhere she went. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet for a regular check-up. In the waiting room, she escaped from her carrier and created chaos, knocking over supplies, and hissing at everyone. FML
Today, I went searching for my cat who'd escaped. Of course, I searched the entire building and somehow she'd got back in through my front door of my apartment. FML
Today, I have a case of diarrhea. How did I find out? I got startled by my dog jumping up to greet me, and I shat all over the kitchen floor. FML
Today, I found out my dog is a felon. He broke into a neighbor's house by breaking in through the screen door. He also vandalized their property by shitting on their carpet. Our neighbors are now considering suing us. FML
Today, after I got off work, as I walked into the house, I noticed something running across the floor towards me and out of complete terror I kicked it halfway across my living room, not knowing what it was. Turns out it was my roommate's new puppy. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
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Top comments
iLike2Teabag 27
Oh thank god. I thought I was the only one who defecates when I'm excited.
person961 9
If I was your neighbor I would be more amazed than angry. How the hell does a dog chase a cat into another persons house? Offer to clean the mess for them, show you can be a kind person and I'm sure they'll relax a little if they're mad.
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Comments (75)
mkcherry 14
I would be beyond pissed if I was your neighbor I hate other peoples animals but if you pay for the damages everything will probably work out. When my boyfriend had an escaping weimerainer we put a lead on him that was very long (12+ feet) so he could get around the yard but not escape the fences.
WeskersSexslave 15
Dogs are awesome.
randomness273821 5
We'll it's his living room now and yours by association
95DeVille 13
Territorial expansion at it's most primitive form.
worldclassrager 41
Better keep that dog on a short leash
Ducklett 11
I'm sure in several years to come if you're chatting to the neighbours it'll be a funny story, for now best to offer what you can to make up for it. Your dog certainly knows how to make an impression!
hellphone_fml 37
I would suggest putting him on the leashes that stake into the ground, but my dog knows how to unhook them and still run away.
Jst4kicks 16
Your dog sounds awesome OP!
skyeyez9 25
My dog chased a neighbor's dog inside their house and attacked it in their kitchen. He was an australian cattle dog and would not stop trying to nip its legs. So he could have been trying to herd their big labradoodle with curly white poofy hair. He prob thought it was a sheep. Either way, it was my fault. I kept him on a leash from then on. I felt terrible and bought a big basket full of dog treats and dog toys for their pup.
flame5768 14
defecat=poop poop=shit shit=what is currently spewing from your mouth
middlenamefrank 8
Add another item to the long, long list of why I'm a cat person.