Kids: Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the...

By BrokebyKids - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

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Kids

The smell detective is on the case

Lobbied

Leave me alone!

By BrokeAsFuck - United States

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at a house delivering pizza. As I walked away, I heard the mom mutter to her child, "That's why you go to college." FML

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By Lola Smith - 3/11/2020 11:02

Weird questions

Today, a customer asked me if we serve spaghetti. She then asked for a manager because I was giving her a weird look, laughing softly when telling her yes, and apparently making her feel stupid. My manager wrote me up. I work at the Old Spaghetti Factory. FML

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By deweyd8855 - United States

Today, I moved back home after unsuccessfully trying to find work in Florida, despite living there for nine months. About 45 minutes into my 18-hour drive home, a TV station called me to offer me a job interview. I applied for that job over three months ago. FML

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By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He suddenly pulls away, and goes, 'OMNOMNOMNOM' then continues kissing me. FML

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By blackandblue - United States

Today, I was waiting for a friend to pick me up. It was after dark and I was nervous, so when he pulled up I immediately jumped in the car. The young girl in the driver's seat started freaking out, screaming and punching me in the face repeatedly. I'd accidentally gotten in the wrong car. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/2/2021 01:58 - Australia

Teamwork works

Today, I had a huge amount of work to get through. Two colleagues offered to help, because one had nothing else to do, and the other couldn't work until I was done. My boss got really pissed at me for "making" them do my job and wasting their time. FML

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By idontevenlikehamsters - United States - Manassas

Today, I found out my creepy, obsessive neighbor got a pet hamster and named it after me. He has been telling all sorts of stories about his hamster using my name, and he just told me in detail how it died of heart attack. FML

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By shalara - Netherlands - Amstelveen

Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML

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By wtf - United States

Today, I found out that my overprotective parents hired a private investigator a month ago, who since then has been watching my perfectly normal boyfriend, in case he "tries to rape or kill" me. We're both 25 years old. FML

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By whovian221b - United States

Today, after coming home from the hospital after I fractured my foot, I fell in the bathroom and dislocated my wrist. The ER doctor couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I was asked how far I've gone with a guy. My answer? Eye contact. I'm 19. FML

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By Anonymous - Belgium - De Pinte

Today, my co-workers decided in our meeting with my boss that everything is my fault. When asked for examples, they couldn't come up with any. Now they are mad at me, because I'm apparently good at my job. FML

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By unluckiestperson - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my very expensive and beautiful smelling perfume attracts wasps. Whenever I go out, wherever I am, I am followed by multiple wasps. FML

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By lonely otaku - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

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By Felix - Ireland

Today, my 1 month old kitten peed all over my kitchen floor. I wanted to get some water out of one of drawers and slipped on the piss. My phone shattered and i dislocated my arm. FML

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By my bravado's gonna kill me one day

Today, as a big fan of spicy food and a huge challenge seeker, I decided to try the hottest burger I could order. Despite being warned by a waitress, I went for it. After eating a third, I had trouble breathing from the spiciness. The waitress was smirking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my oven decided that it was going to lock and clean itself right in the middle of cooking my steaks. FML

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By meish - United States - Chicago

Today, I got my own row on an almost full transatlantic flight. All it took was having food poisoning two hours into the flight. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my coworker cornered me in the office bathroom and insisted that, because she's been watching me, I use the bathroom too quickly and must not be washing my hands, and that I have to wash them from now on. FML

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No thanks

Today, I ask the guy that I like if he want to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He answer that he doesn't like their food. I think that's is a no. FML

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By Morgan - United States

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

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By -__-

Today, I showed my husband a recipe for the meal I wanted us to make tonight. He saw cumin was an ingredient and broke into hysterics. By the time he managed to stop laughing, he gasped that he couldn't eat something "with cumin it" and broke down laughing again. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

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By TingBarter - United States

Today, I heard a student in the class I assist having trouble with a download. I walked over and showed him how to save to his flash drive, and how to use 7z to unzip said file. I then found out I'd just assisted him in downloading a half gig of porn during class. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - California

Today, I got a call from a girl I dated long ago, who cheated on me and got pregnant by another guy, or so we thought. Turns out it isn't his, and she is taking me to court for child support. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Newberry

Today, I was talking to my husband about how I wanted our marriage to improve and not just be sex all the time. In the middle of my sentence, he asked for a blow job. FML

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By homewrecker - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

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By left-out - United States

Today, my sister posted on her Facebook that she hates moving because of all of the packing that she and my family have to do. I didn't even know we're moving. FML

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By crazytortise - United States

Today, I was syphoning some gas from my truck to my friend's car just enough to get to the gas station. I told my friend to let me know when the gas was coming; he said, "Alright." Suddenly, I got a mouth full of gas because he was on his phone taking a video of me. He got the whole thing. FML

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By "Mom2grls808" - United States

Today, I was taking a nap with my 5 month old on the floor (carpeted) in the livingroom. when I woke up my daughter bombed her diaper her and the dogs were rolling in it on the carpet and tiled kitchen....FML

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By Anonymous - 9/1/2021 05:01 - United States

No sex for you

Today, I realized that my fiancée is using our son to make sure we can't have sex. He's two years-old and hasn't once slept in his own bed or crib. FML

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897

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By Mia

Today, I wanted to bake some chocolate chip cookies. As the first load was done, I tasted a cookie and it tasted too salty. Thinking it was because of the pinch of salt, I added more sugar to the batter, only to realize that the sugar I've put into the whole batter was actually salt. FML

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By amazinghermit - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I spent an hour in my car terrified to go inside because I thought my house was being burgled. I saw rapid shadows in the light of my lounge. Eventually I plucked up the courage to creep inside with a rock to find it wasn't a robber. It was my cats, fighting in front of a toppled lamp. FML

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31038

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By maddyUnderstood

Today, I went into a job interview for Quizno's. The boss there talked to me for an hour and half about everything on God's green earth. She noticed I was a certified swim instructor. I left Quizno's with no job, but with an appointment to teach the boss how to swim tomorrow at 9 a.m. FML

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By poop towel - United States

Today, my new roommate moved in. It seems that instead of using toilet paper like a normal human being, she instead opts to use the nearest towel in reach. I found this out when I went to dry off with mine after a shower. FML

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By weliveanddie14 - United States

Today, I was at the library. I went near the computer section when I saw this man cursing and pounding his fists on a computer. He left. I thought I'd check it out. As I sat down, a librarian came over with the security guard and pointed at me. I'm now being fined for destroying public property. FML

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By lambeaster - United States - Washington

Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to pick a penny off of the ground for good luck. Someone kneed me in the butt, I fell face first and broke my glasses. FML

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By not chicken spaghetti - United States - Clarksville

Today, while cooking supper with my boyfriend, we both smelled something funny. He tasted the sauce I was making, then asked me to taste it because something was off. I guess the burned teflon of our cheap pot mixed with Rotel just doesn't work that well. Now we're having dry chicken and plain noodles. FML

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Top comments

By ReginaFalange_fml | 13

#1362508 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1362493 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

COMMENTS

By Danger716 | 0

#1362491 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:15

this ones on you OP

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1362587 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:33

my sister did that b4 with a 20$ but the ice cream man just gave her $19 in change. she was like 5

mattman1994 | 0

#1362629 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:41

you let your daughter go out there alone?

cookiemobzta | 0

#1362647 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:43

who still carries cash?

pancake_mixx | 9

#1362670 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:47

agree with 32, she must be young if she took 50 dollars and didn't realize. now she just got some surprise buttsecks from that happy ice cream man :)

hockeyplayer82 | 0

#1362691 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:51

you should carry cash around. it's better than credit or debit cards

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1362823 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:37

40- no

MonEyOvErBytChes | 0

#1362844 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:46

At least he took the money and not your child. Crazy people out here

KittehKatt | 0

#1362886 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:57

and also, @38,
It's kinda easy to mix up a $1 bill and a $50 bill, they're all the same colour! I've don't it before...:P

ChelseaXD | 0

#1362917 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:06

Hunt down that icecream man!

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1363606 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:17

I hope that bitch enjoys her 50$ popsickle.

gggfrt | 0

#1363616 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:25

what an asshole...

Stupified | 0

#1363666 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:40

Υdi for letting her get into your wallet

skid1996 | 0

#1363671 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:41

in Canada u will never have that problem cuz we don't have 1 dollar bills ;)

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1363744 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 4:14

get the icecream man's fingerprint off the icecream wrapper, track him down, go over there and shoot him in the eye, take your $50 (plus more), and take his icecream truck.

RugbyKid | 0

#1364124 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:29

couldve been worse, she couldve taken your credit card

Mattsta123 | 5

#1364174 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:55

oh ya um thanks for the 49$

sourgirl101 | 28

#1364199 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:03

90 umm I don't think ice cream trucks take credit cards.(:

OP $50 lesson for you!

Eyou | 0

#1364231 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:17

woo 63 :)

RugbyKid | 0

#1364611 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 9:59

98: I know, but he couldve and he couldve bought stuff with it

blahhbluhh | 0

#1364908 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 11:43

umm 98 the ice cream guy could have stolen he credit card dumb ass

junkboy | 4

#1365642 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 15:58

103- your pic is FTW

rohosoccer08 | 1

#1366421 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 21:16

that's a horrible ice cream man to not give the kid her change.... but I'm agreeing with those of you who said the kid shouldn't have gone out on her own either

xcujox | 0

#1367066 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 0:58

ahah Canadians ftw :)

Sassybq1 | 13

#2676206 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 4:03

lol u serious?

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1362493 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

WhyTheFace4 | 0

#1362573 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:29

Haha. Tough choice.

FYLDeep | 25

#1362594 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:34

More like 20 more Popsicles with the price of them nowadays.

darude908 | 1

#1362613 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:37

yea that's a tough one. if the OP is a woman she might just take the popsicles lol

illmatic2 | 16

#1362724 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:06

If op is gay then he would definitely take the Popsicles.

Sorry in advance if I offend anyone.

johnnie99 | 0

#1362794 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:28

I think it's a little too late

trinidadm | 0

#1363812 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:01

hey email me [email protected]

By Kassandra2011 | 0

#1362500 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:18

I wish I got tips like that. damn

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1363633 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:29

Try prostitution.

Senseless_487 | 29

#1363839 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:14

Or become a card dealer. We get tips like that every day :D

hahafylop | 4

#1367595 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 2:59

I got a 100 dollar tip once....

By ReginaFalange_fml | 13

#1362508 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.