Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the...

By BrokebyKids - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

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Kids

Rock, hard place

And probably giggling

Grow up

By phlox_fml - 30/5/2020 08:00

Hammocking yourself

Today, I fell backwards out of my hammock, busting my shoulder. This weekend, I broke my toe falling out of it. I've used hammocks my entire life, but have become apparently unable to during the lockdown. FML

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By Alex White - Canada - Westerose

Today, my husband was using the microwave when we suddenly hear a huge 'POP'. The good news is we found our daughter's missing hamster. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I discovered my boyfriend is incredibly ticklish on the bottom of his feet. Trying to be a bit flirty, I slowly slid two fingers down his calf and mockingly tickled his feet. He reacted by inadvertently elbowing me in the nose, nearly breaking it. FML

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By M. Night Shytefuck - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

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By Lentil - Australia

Today, I went over to my neighbours' to politely complain about their dog, which had been barking non-stop for hours. This issue has been going on for months, and I finally decided today, of all days, was the day to resolve it. When I got there, they'd just got home from giving birth at the hospital. FML

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By jemstuff - United States

Today, at work, I stopped in my boss/boyfriend's office to find him getting intimate with a girl. He then tells me that he is cheating on me, that he is dumping me, and that I am fired. Oh, and he is keeping the cat. FML

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By Discouraged - Canada - Newmarket

Today, my brother admitted that he decides whether he will date a girl or not based on the number of likes she gets on her selfies. We share the same blood. FML

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By PaePae - United States - Columbia

Today, I found out that I'm sensitive to the NuvaRing. It felt like I was a buffet for fire ants. FML

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By yuck

Today, my father informed me that he is going to divorce his bitch of a wife, but told me not to say anything to mess things up, in case he wants to "hit that one more time." FML

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By TheL1nds - Australia - Kingswood

Today, I checked my fake Facebook account for the first time in ages and realized that the fake me got more birthday greetings than the real me. FML

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By bigmistake - United States

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for a while. I shaved my legs and armpits and wore a short dress. It wasn't until I got to the meeting that I noticed I only shaved one of my legs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, I had my first real break from work in ages, so I decided to go hiking. Less than 20 minutes in, I tumbled a couple hundred feet down a steep hill, broke my leg and several toes, and lay there in agony for an eternity before I was finally rescued. FML

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14755

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that my mother has been telling everybody that I’m a lesbian, because both of her best friends have at least one gay child each, and she was feeling left out. This explains why people have been treating me differently the last few weeks. FML

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By Romantic - United States

Today, I came home from a long day at work to find a path of rose pedals from the front door. Gasping with surprise, I followed it past the living room... past the bedroom... into the kitchen, where there was a note that said "Friends coming over tonight, we need food, love you!" FML

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By Ya_I_said_it

Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

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By not mine! - 16/6/2020 05:07

It wasn't me

Today, I had to make the heartbreaking decision to break up with my boyfriend and kick him out after his second relapse. A few hours later, I had police banging down my door. To get back at me, my now ex had called the cops and anonymously reported all the drugs he’d hidden around my house. FML

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By SantaClaus - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

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By single lady - United States

Today, at my aunt's wedding, the time for the tossing of the bouquet came and the announcer asked for all the single ladies to gather behind the bride. I was the only one. FML

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43248

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By MDpending - United States

Physician, heal thyself

Today, just 8 months away from graduating medical school, I successfully diagnosed myself with basal cell carcinoma. At least all that studying is paying off. FML

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By breathalizard - United States

Today, I left a party after drinking, and was soon pulled over. I frantically grabbed my mouthwash I keep for emergency situations to cover up the alcohol smell on my breath. I was given the breathalyzer almost immediately. I blew a 2.37. Apparently, alcohol is the main ingredient of Listerine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a message from the girl I like. She told me to never speak to her again and not even look at her any more. Apparently the letter I wrote to her was perverted, vile and nasty. I never wrote her a letter. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montr?al

Today, I was rubbing my dog's belly. My wife came in and thought I was jerking him off. She wouldn't believe my explanation. FML

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By user210 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got really excited that he'd broken his own record; he can now last a full 2 minutes in bed. FML

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By Autumn

TMI

Today, while discussing my vegetable garden, my father's new girlfriend announced that she loves vegetables in the bedroom. FML

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By tLee - Canada

Today, I was laying in bed making out with a girl. After trying to figure out for a while why she was spending so much time on my neck it finally hit me. She was frantically and secretly trying to remove the gum she got stuck in my hair. She failed. FML

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By Noname - South Africa

Today, at a strategy session my manager displayed a flow chart of his employees. I wasn't included. Apparently I had been fired and they forgot to tell me. FML

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By Anonymous - Reserved

Today, I walked in on my flatmate squatting over the bathroom scales, completely naked. When I asked what he was doing, he replied very seriously, "weighing my testicles, you should try it sometime, if they're too heavy you may have cancer". I'm a girl. FML

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By thatssickkk - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

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By bloated - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I felt so self-conscious about my gut, I pushed it out and pretended I was pregnant rather than sucking it in. FML

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By German;)

Street art

Today, I came outside to see someone had written on my car, "I love your hairy butt, pubes, and fat girlfriend!" multiple times. I wouldn't have been bothered if all those things weren't true. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I'm travelling across the country with my family. My grandma thought it would be a good idea to take her shoes off. It's been 5 minutes and my eyes are watering from the stench. We still have over 200 miles left until we get home. FML

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By pleasedtomeetyou - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's notoriously difficult mother. I had been looking forward to meeting her and making a good impression. Unfortunately, I could not greet her as her son's penis was still in my mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

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By ugly? - United States

Today, at work, a weird old woman came up to me and told me that it's okay: being ugly isn't a choice, it's nothing to be ashamed of, and that it's what inside that counts. She then hugged me and walked away. FML

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By Sarahfizzeller - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

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34547

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my psycho ex girlfriend got up in my face after I dumped her. She said I'm going to pay and that one day, when I think I'm safe and happy, my joy will turn to ash in my mouth. When I pointed out she'd just ripped off a Game of Thrones quote, she kneed me in the balls. FML

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By mk - United States

Today, I had to be the one to break it to my daughter that WWE fighting was staged. She began crying. However, last month she didn't shed a single tear at her grandmother's funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

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By Anonymous - India - New Delhi

Today, at a party I got blind drunk and I gave a guy a blowjob for the first time. I'm a 100% heterosexual male. FML

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By khfhjfsb - United States - Downers Grove

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

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Top comments

By ReginaFalange_fml | 13

#1362508 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1362493 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

COMMENTS

By Danger716 | 0

#1362491 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:15

this ones on you OP

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1362587 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:33

my sister did that b4 with a 20$ but the ice cream man just gave her $19 in change. she was like 5

mattman1994 | 0

#1362629 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:41

you let your daughter go out there alone?

cookiemobzta | 0

#1362647 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:43

who still carries cash?

pancake_mixx | 9

#1362670 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:47

agree with 32, she must be young if she took 50 dollars and didn't realize. now she just got some surprise buttsecks from that happy ice cream man :)

hockeyplayer82 | 0

#1362691 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:51

you should carry cash around. it's better than credit or debit cards

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1362823 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:37

40- no

MonEyOvErBytChes | 0

#1362844 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:46

At least he took the money and not your child. Crazy people out here

KittehKatt | 0

#1362886 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:57

and also, @38,
It's kinda easy to mix up a $1 bill and a $50 bill, they're all the same colour! I've don't it before...:P

ChelseaXD | 0

#1362917 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:06

Hunt down that icecream man!

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1363606 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:17

I hope that bitch enjoys her 50$ popsickle.

gggfrt | 0

#1363616 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:25

what an asshole...

Stupified | 0

#1363666 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:40

Υdi for letting her get into your wallet

skid1996 | 0

#1363671 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:41

in Canada u will never have that problem cuz we don't have 1 dollar bills ;)

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1363744 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 4:14

get the icecream man's fingerprint off the icecream wrapper, track him down, go over there and shoot him in the eye, take your $50 (plus more), and take his icecream truck.

RugbyKid | 0

#1364124 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:29

couldve been worse, she couldve taken your credit card

Mattsta123 | 5

#1364174 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:55

oh ya um thanks for the 49$

sourgirl101 | 28

#1364199 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:03

90 umm I don't think ice cream trucks take credit cards.(:

OP $50 lesson for you!

Eyou | 0

#1364231 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:17

woo 63 :)

RugbyKid | 0

#1364611 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 9:59

98: I know, but he couldve and he couldve bought stuff with it

blahhbluhh | 0

#1364908 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 11:43

umm 98 the ice cream guy could have stolen he credit card dumb ass

junkboy | 4

#1365642 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 15:58

103- your pic is FTW

rohosoccer08 | 1

#1366421 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 21:16

that's a horrible ice cream man to not give the kid her change.... but I'm agreeing with those of you who said the kid shouldn't have gone out on her own either

xcujox | 0

#1367066 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 0:58

ahah Canadians ftw :)

Sassybq1 | 13

#2676206 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 4:03

lol u serious?

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1362493 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

WhyTheFace4 | 0

#1362573 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:29

Haha. Tough choice.

FYLDeep | 25

#1362594 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:34

More like 20 more Popsicles with the price of them nowadays.

darude908 | 1

#1362613 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:37

yea that's a tough one. if the OP is a woman she might just take the popsicles lol

illmatic2 | 16

#1362724 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:06

If op is gay then he would definitely take the Popsicles.

Sorry in advance if I offend anyone.

johnnie99 | 0

#1362794 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:28

I think it's a little too late

trinidadm | 0

#1363812 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:01

hey email me [email protected]

By Kassandra2011 | 0

#1362500 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:18

I wish I got tips like that. damn

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1363633 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:29

Try prostitution.

Senseless_487 | 29

#1363839 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:14

Or become a card dealer. We get tips like that every day :D

hahafylop | 4

#1367595 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 2:59

I got a 100 dollar tip once....

By ReginaFalange_fml | 13

#1362508 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.