Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the...

By BrokebyKids - 6/9/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

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Kids

Understandable

Fairytale ending

Get me away from here, I'm dying

By Anonymous - 29/1/2016 19:12 - United States - Watonga

Today, I was feeling terrible and posted on Facebook about how I was stressed out and feeling really lonely. My sister replied saying "#fatfuckproblems". 13 people liked it and some so-called friends posted stuff like "rekt" and "SLAYED, bitch!", all in less than a minute. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2009 19:18 - United States

Today, I was in my new boyfriend's apartment for the first time. As I was flipping through his photo albums, I came across one full of disturbingly candid pictures of me. I found some as early as my trip to the state fair, three years ago. I met my boyfriend two months ago. FML

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By LonelySanta - 24/12/2009 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went home, where I live alone, from my dorm room at my university. The only Christmas cards I had received were addressed to the person that lived there before me. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2013 23:39 - United States - South Gate

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me over Facebook. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" posted it on my wall instead of sending me a message, so the whole world could see it. My mom liked her post. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/1/2011 02:58 - United States

Today, I was in the Cafeteria at a table near the guy I like. He was playing around with a ball with a couple of his friends. They dropped it, and it rolled over next to my foot. When I bent down to pick it up, I smashed my head against a chair. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2016 00:35 - United States - Nottingham

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

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By unknown - 31/1/2010 06:54 - France

Today, my girlfriend and I were in my basement. I play drums and guitar very well. My girlfriend bet me $50 that she could play better than me. I made the bet, but what I didn't know was that she had been taking both drum and guitar lessons since she was 5. I just lost $50. FML

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By anonymous - 26/6/2016 20:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

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By FunFun in the Sun - 16/3/2016 14:51 - Dominican Republic - Santo Domingo

Today, I'm on spring break on a tropical island, visiting family I hadn't seen in years. They invited me out to eat, and won't take no for an answer. All of this would be wonderful, if it weren't for the fact that I've been vomiting to the point of expelling bile and dry heaving for the last two days. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I had my new girlfriend over for dinner. Halfway through the meal, my dad started poking her with his fork. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he barked back, "Just making sure she isn't a blow-up doll!" FML

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By soldiergirl - 25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war". We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2018 06:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were finally having some intimate alone time together. When we really started getting into it, he suddenly prematurely jizzed in my eye. I now need surgery and have to explain to my family how I almost lost my eye. FML

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By sadlysingle - 21/2/2014 08:04 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2012 05:44 - United States - Pinellas Park

Today, I was snooping around in my parents' closet to see what I would get for Christmas, when I came across a UPS package. It was the video game I ordered off eBay 3 weeks ago, addressed to me. They told me it had never arrived and said I should ask Santa to bring it to me. FML

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By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2011 18:43 - United States

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

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By NightHawk4926 - 9/9/2015 22:15 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was at the park when I saw a homeless man. I gave him my sandwich, since he needed it more than me. Seconds later, he was attacked by a flock of birds. FML

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By Pantsontheground - 9/8/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Looking like a fool...

Today, my pants kept falling down. Since I didn't have a belt on, I decided to tuck the waistband around my underwear to keep them in place. While on a date, I tried to adjust my pants, but ended up pulling them down along with my boxers. In the middle of a restaurant. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 18:55 - United States - Escondido

Today, I have the flu. I had to wash the dishes, cook dinner, take out the trash, and take care of the laundry, all while my wife sat around watching TV, because she was "too tired". I work 8 hours a day. She's a college student. She doesn't see what's so unfair about this. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/2/2014 18:11 - United States

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

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By reallyson? - 12/1/2015 05:28 - United States - South Hadley

Today, I got undressed in front of my boyfriend for the first time. His reaction? "You're chubbier than I expected". FML

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By RB84 - 22/4/2017 02:00

Today I got a call from my daughter's school, because she claimed that she couldn't see out of her right eye. I panicked and went to pick her up. On the way to the emergency room, she turns to me and says, "I'm fine. I didn't want to take a test." FML

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By HomeImprover - 2/11/2016 17:34

Today, I rode my newly-purchased bicycle to Lowe's to look at flooring and back splashes for our upcoming remodel. Upon leaving the store, I found out that my bicycle had been stolen by someone who had bought a hacksaw from that store while I was shopping. They left the receipt to mock me. FML

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By ypsitucky - 26/7/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, a drunk crashed a truck into my porch. Shaken up, I was glad to see that so many of my neighbors had gathered around to comfort me. When the dust settled, I noticed my remaining porch furniture was missing. They weren't consoling me, they were casing the place. FML

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By laundry day again... - 8/9/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

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By pummy - 30/9/2009 00:48 - United States

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

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By livgasms - 18/8/2011 04:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my family decided it would be hilarious to catch the biggest moths they could and let them loose in my room. I'm terrified of moths and they thought it would be 'funny as hell' to watch me freak out. FML

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By TrueScotsman - 29/10/2009 14:31 - United States

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/6/2015 15:47 - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2013 00:13 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to the funeral of my friend's brother. It was the first funeral I'd gone to, and I was really nervous. When the service finished, everyone went to pay their respects to the family. After I paid mine, they said, "Thank you for coming." I instictively replied, "My pleasure." FML

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By PiZzA_FaCe - 29/5/2009 21:09 - United States

Today, I was working at a day care center. A 5 year old boy came up to me telling me he wanted to eat my face. Confused, I asked him why. He said, "Because your face looks like pizza." FML

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By nick - 27/6/2016 03:44 - United States - Highland Park

Today, my girlfriend started making pig noises during sex. FML

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By Mike - 31/10/2009 04:22 - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

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By Sigh - 19/2/2013 17:13 - United Kingdom - Waltham Abbey

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

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By Anonymous - 31/3/2016 06:00 - Australia

Today, I checked my Tumblr account to see if anyone had commented on the photos of my new tattoo. There were only 3 posts, and 2 of them were people linking it to "Awful Tattoo" blogs. FML

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By GlassJAwkidE - 29/10/2009 05:16 - United States

Today, I learned there is a taste difference between grabbing a glass of milk that has been sitting on your night table for a week and the one you put on there 3 minutes before. FML

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By backtosquareone - 4/4/2017 08:00 - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. After hearing how excited I was on the phone, HR docked the initial salary offer by 40% in the written contract. She said it was non-negotiable. Guess I'm back to job hunting. FML

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By jensoulstealer - 16/3/2020 20:17

The Omen 4

Today, my year and a half old daughter has discovered the joy of temper tantrums. She is now throwing them constantly. Everywhere. Anytime. FML

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Top comments

By ReginaFalange_fml | 13

#1362508 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1362493 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

COMMENTS

By Danger716 | 0

#1362491 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:15

this ones on you OP

B4SK3TB4IL | 0

#1362587 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:33

my sister did that b4 with a 20$ but the ice cream man just gave her $19 in change. she was like 5

mattman1994 | 0

#1362629 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:41

you let your daughter go out there alone?

cookiemobzta | 0

#1362647 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:43

who still carries cash?

pancake_mixx | 9

#1362670 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:47

agree with 32, she must be young if she took 50 dollars and didn't realize. now she just got some surprise buttsecks from that happy ice cream man :)

hockeyplayer82 | 0

#1362691 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:51

you should carry cash around. it's better than credit or debit cards

KiddNYC1O | 20

#1362823 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:37

40- no

MonEyOvErBytChes | 0

#1362844 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:46

At least he took the money and not your child. Crazy people out here

KittehKatt | 0

#1362886 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:57

and also, @38,
It's kinda easy to mix up a $1 bill and a $50 bill, they're all the same colour! I've don't it before...:P

ChelseaXD | 0

#1362917 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:06

Hunt down that icecream man!

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1363606 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:17

I hope that bitch enjoys her 50$ popsickle.

gggfrt | 0

#1363616 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:25

what an asshole...

Stupified | 0

#1363666 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:40

Υdi for letting her get into your wallet

skid1996 | 0

#1363671 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:41

in Canada u will never have that problem cuz we don't have 1 dollar bills ;)

xWTF_FML_FTWx | 1

#1363744 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 4:14

get the icecream man's fingerprint off the icecream wrapper, track him down, go over there and shoot him in the eye, take your $50 (plus more), and take his icecream truck.

RugbyKid | 0

#1364124 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:29

couldve been worse, she couldve taken your credit card

Mattsta123 | 5

#1364174 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:55

oh ya um thanks for the 49$

sourgirl101 | 28

#1364199 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:03

90 umm I don't think ice cream trucks take credit cards.(:

OP $50 lesson for you!

Eyou | 0

#1364231 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:17

woo 63 :)

RugbyKid | 0

#1364611 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 9:59

98: I know, but he couldve and he couldve bought stuff with it

blahhbluhh | 0

#1364908 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 11:43

umm 98 the ice cream guy could have stolen he credit card dumb ass

junkboy | 4

#1365642 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 15:58

103- your pic is FTW

rohosoccer08 | 1

#1366421 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 21:16

that's a horrible ice cream man to not give the kid her change.... but I'm agreeing with those of you who said the kid shouldn't have gone out on her own either

xcujox | 0

#1367066 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 0:58

ahah Canadians ftw :)

Sassybq1 | 13

#2676206 - Tuesday 14 June 2011 4:03

lol u serious?

By TaylorTotsYumm | 10

#1362493 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

WhyTheFace4 | 0

#1362573 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:29

Haha. Tough choice.

FYLDeep | 25

#1362594 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:34

More like 20 more Popsicles with the price of them nowadays.

darude908 | 1

#1362613 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:37

yea that's a tough one. if the OP is a woman she might just take the popsicles lol

illmatic2 | 16

#1362724 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:06

If op is gay then he would definitely take the Popsicles.

Sorry in advance if I offend anyone.

johnnie99 | 0

#1362794 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:28

I think it's a little too late

trinidadm | 0

#1363812 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:01

hey email me [email protected]

By Kassandra2011 | 0

#1362500 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:18

I wish I got tips like that. damn

JillianlikesVogu | 0

#1363633 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:29

Try prostitution.

Senseless_487 | 29

#1363839 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:14

Or become a card dealer. We get tips like that every day :D

hahafylop | 4

#1367595 - Wednesday 8 September 2010 2:59

I got a 100 dollar tip once....

By ReginaFalange_fml | 13

#1362508 - Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.