Kids: Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the...

By BrokebyKids - 06/09/2010 20:26 - United States

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 237

You deserved it 16 334

Kids

Broken heart

Great start to the day

Assumptions part 27674

By aw-wtf - 11/08/2009 17:57 - United States

Today, at work, a man bought a lot of really expensive stuff. He paid the large bill with cash, and the manager helped me count the money. When we were done, he handed me a $100 bill to thank me for all the help. We can't accept tips. The manager was next to me. I had to say no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 098

You deserved it 3 855

What do you want from me?

By charapos - 28/11/2021 08:01

Today, the person who I've asked to back off is still messaging me and making me more stressed out. I'm pretty sure he fancies me, but I'm asexual. This after he already promised to back off multiple times. I think I've got myself a stalker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 155

Duchamp would be proud

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 12:00

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 324

You deserved it 148

By burn in hell - 25/09/2012 21:28 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, my estranged mother texted me saying, "Gran died, LOL." My grandmother and I were fairly close, so I was shocked and disgusted. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and asked if she knew what "LOL" meant. She did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 789

You deserved it 1 935

By Anonymous - 21/12/2013 06:26 - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 057

You deserved it 4 502

By Brastro - 07/04/2009 11:46 - Ireland

Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of an ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. "Shrek" was sitting beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 965

You deserved it 178 883

Not the best reaction

By Mark - 31/08/2021 15:01

Today, I came out as gay to my dad on Whatsapp. The only thing he replied was, "I'll ever talk to you again when you stop being a pussy." He then blocked me from everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 189

By mademoiselle meurtre - 13/04/2015 02:51 - United States - Belleville

Today, I had to explain to my rabidly religious brother how two transvestites can buy fish at Petco while he's buying the same fish at the same Petco, and it doesn't equate to hitting on him. It's been two hours, and he's still sitting outside my door reading Bible verses and praying aggressively. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 098

You deserved it 2 833

By poops - 27/01/2010 03:14 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend and her best friend compare the dumps they take to common transportation. They comment about it on each others facebook page. My girlfriend's last one was apparently a 'coach bus'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 018

You deserved it 3 733

By Anonymous - 31/08/2012 02:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 1 798

By erphy21 - 26/09/2015 20:44 - United States - Lompoc

Today, my 18 year old son learned that just because his girlfriend was on top doesn't mean gravity will prevent her from becoming pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 874

You deserved it 6 229

By joyness - 20/12/2012 14:49 - Taiwan - Taipei

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 155

You deserved it 24 661

By needabettermirror - 14/12/2016 11:07 - United States - Holland

Today, I spent twenty minutes looking in the mirror trying to remove a blackhead from my chin. It was a freckle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 020

You deserved it 2 947

By DarkDolly - 04/02/2012 16:39 - France

Today, at around 2am, I was walking through a parking lot to my car when a man walking behind me told me not to be scared. I turned around to tell him there was no problem. He was naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 959

You deserved it 3 158

By hannah - 15/09/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 141

You deserved it 7 552

By lmiller - 24/01/2010 03:29 - United States

Today, when I logged onto facebook, I discovered a friend request from my ex who broke up with me and deleted me months ago. Upon adding her, I was taken to her profile where I saw dozens of status updates talking about how much she loves her new boyfriend, who she dumped me for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 673

You deserved it 9 785

By Shouldaknown - 06/08/2010 05:12 - United States

Today, I decided to watch a movie I hadn't seen before to bring my spirits up, as I've been feeling down lately. How did the movie end? Everybody died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 116

You deserved it 8 375

By Anonymous - 30/08/2015 15:44 - United States

Today, while I was pulling weeds, my dad thought it would be absolutely hilarious to yell "Hey, son!" then unload his gun at me when I turned around. After I'd screamed like a bitch and pissed myself, he broke down into hysterical laughter and said he'd loaded the gun with blanks. Fuck you, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 431

You deserved it 2 542

By Misty3242 - 06/02/2010 08:15 - United States

Today, my little sister asked me what she would look like when she got older. I told her that she would probably look a lot like me. She started to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 535

You deserved it 4 113

By meh - 17/01/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 4 738

By dasnich - 05/02/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 5 361

By cnkk07 - 14/10/2011 10:36 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 516

You deserved it 2 505

By pray for me - 15/08/2019 04:00

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 881

You deserved it 315

By Anonymous - 22/01/2010 02:49 - United States

Today, I was at my work. To urge people to be generous, I paid my friends to put 15 bucks in the tip jar while saying how great I was. He did this about ten times throughout the day. Turns out, us employees don't get to keep the tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 951

You deserved it 28 541

And probably giggling

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 05:02

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 993

You deserved it 312

Romance isn't dead

By budda1368 - 09/10/2019 22:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. It was amazing, besides for the fact I barely felt him. I pretty much faked the entire thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 956

By Don'tjudgeabook - 05/04/2017 20:00

Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that he always finished last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 735

You deserved it 335

By Oops - 25/12/2012 11:17 - United States - Augusta

Today, I was at Walmart when I saw my grandpa in the next aisle looking at magazines. Wanting to surprise him, I ran up behind him and hugged him around the middle. Up close, I realized he wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 707

You deserved it 30 588

Hi Zach!

By Breezie - 14/10/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, at work, a customer commented that I look like Zach Galifianakis. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 150

By chipmunk - 29/10/2009 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of seven years dumped me because he said my cheeks getting way too fat for his taste and he didn't want to be with a chipmunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 626

You deserved it 7 644

By TrappedInSchool - 28/07/2018 12:30 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I found out that my parents lied to me about my GPA so they could go back on our agreement of "3.0 or above or summer school" and had no intention of honoring the agreement anyway. I've been in summer school doing catch-up for kicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 626

You deserved it 483

By tenthousandspoon - 13/09/2010 00:08 - New Zealand

Today, at work, a three year old chucked a chocolate bar at me. It hit me square in the face. Her father praised her for her "quality arm." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 779

You deserved it 3 035

By Anonymous - 09/05/2015 18:50 - United States - Humble

Today, on my first driving lesson, I crashed my instructor's car. I didn't even make it out of the parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 176

You deserved it 11 054

By Anonymous - 13/11/2018 13:30

Today, a few months after my son lost a canine tooth, he went to get a replacement fitted. He came home with his other canine tooth removed and both replaced by vampire fangs. Permanent vampire fangs in his mouth, where people can see them and judge me for being a bad parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 827

You deserved it 634

By Anonymous - 24/07/2016 03:18 - United States

Today, I found out the friend I signed a lease with is actually a wanted drug dealer. I only found this out after the police kicked in the door at 5am and raided our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 168

You deserved it 1 401

Alexa, play "I don't want to talk about it" by Rod Stewart

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 20:08

Today, my man believes he could never be the cause of a breakup. His strategy for eternal love? Try not to feel anything, and if you do, do NOT show it or talk about it. Just completely refuse to engage with your partner in any meaningful way. No fighting equals happiness. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 215

By Anonymous - 02/03/2017 17:00 - Canada - Elora

Today, I was cleaning my older brothers room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand, FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 393

You deserved it 1 546

By SeriouslyDad - 22/09/2013 13:57 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my dad and I had a yelling match about me "lying", because I was unable to contact iTunes support without a phone number. To prove a point, he went online to find the phone number. It's been an hour and he's still searching for the number. I can't leave the table until he has found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 083

You deserved it 3 509

By J - 07/02/2009 21:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys... a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 067

You deserved it 6 856

By emeraldapostle - 25/11/2018 17:30

Today, I had a good day at work. I got all of my stuff done, I got to eat, and I got to clock out on time. It only became a bad day when I was told by my boss that today was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 792

You deserved it 557

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Top comments

ReginaFalange_fml 13

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

Danger716 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:15

this ones on you OP

B4SK3TB4IL 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:33

my sister did that b4 with a 20$ but the ice cream man just gave her $19 in change. she was like 5

mattman1994 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:41

you let your daughter go out there alone?

cookiemobzta 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:43

who still carries cash?

pancake_mixx 9

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:47

agree with 32, she must be young if she took 50 dollars and didn't realize. now she just got some surprise buttsecks from that happy ice cream man :)

hockeyplayer82 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:51

you should carry cash around. it's better than credit or debit cards

KiddNYC1O 20

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:37

40- no

MonEyOvErBytChes 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:46

At least he took the money and not your child. Crazy people out here

KittehKatt 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:57

and also, @38, It's kinda easy to mix up a $1 bill and a $50 bill, they're all the same colour! I've don't it before...:P

ChelseaXD 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:06

Hunt down that icecream man!

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:17

I hope that bitch enjoys her 50$ popsickle.

gggfrt 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:25

what an asshole...

Stupified 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:40

Υdi for letting her get into your wallet

skid1996 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:41

in Canada u will never have that problem cuz we don't have 1 dollar bills ;)

xWTF_FML_FTWx 1

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 4:14

get the icecream man's fingerprint off the icecream wrapper, track him down, go over there and shoot him in the eye, take your $50 (plus more), and take his icecream truck.

RugbyKid 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:29

couldve been worse, she couldve taken your credit card

Mattsta123 5

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 7:55

oh ya um thanks for the 49$

sourgirl101 28

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:03

90 umm I don't think ice cream trucks take credit cards.(: OP $50 lesson for you!

Eyou 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 8:17

woo 63 :)

RugbyKid 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 9:59

98: I know, but he couldve and he couldve bought stuff with it

blahhbluhh 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 11:43

umm 98 the ice cream guy could have stolen he credit card dumb ass

junkboy 4

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 15:58

103- your pic is FTW

rohosoccer08 1

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 21:16

that's a horrible ice cream man to not give the kid her change.... but I'm agreeing with those of you who said the kid shouldn't have gone out on her own either

xcujox 0

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 0:58

ahah Canadians ftw :)

Sassybq1 13

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Tuesday 14 June 2011 4:03

lol u serious?

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:16

CHASE AFTER HIM AND GET YOUR MONEY! Or 49 more Popsicles.. your choice.

WhyTheFace4 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:29

Haha. Tough choice.

FYLDeep 25

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:34

More like 20 more Popsicles with the price of them nowadays.

darude908 1

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:37

yea that's a tough one. if the OP is a woman she might just take the popsicles lol

illmatic2 16

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:06

If op is gay then he would definitely take the Popsicles. Sorry in advance if I offend anyone.

johnnie99 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 2:28

I think it's a little too late

trinidadm 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:01

hey email me [email protected]

Kassandra2011 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:18

I wish I got tips like that. damn

JillianlikesVogu 0

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 3:29

Try prostitution.

Senseless_487 29

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 5:14

Or become a card dealer. We get tips like that every day :D

hahafylop 4

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Wednesday 8 September 2010 2:59

I got a 100 dollar tip once....

ReginaFalange_fml 13

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Tuesday 7 September 2010 1:19

If she was young enough to think using a fifty is ok, sounds like she wasn't old enough to be going out to the truck alone, so.... yup this ones on you OP.