Today, my date dropped me off at home and briefly met my parents. As he was leaving he whispered into my ear, "I want to feel the inside of your vagina with the outside of my penis." My parents totally heard. FML
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Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, my boyfriend and I heard my parents going at it upstairs. He said, "sounds like they're having more fun than we did." To make it worse, he crept to their door and put his ear to it, telling me what he heard. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend when my dad pulled up to pick me up from his house. My dad beeped his horn and my boyfriend opened his bedroom curtain, knocked on the window, and waved. While he was still inside of me. FML
Today, my one-night stand decided he wanted to meet my parents. FML
Today, I introduced my boyfriend of two weeks to my parents. My dad asked me to leave the room so they could have some "guy talk". I eavesdropped, only to hear the words "sex-crazed fuck" and a threat to stick bamboo shoots under my boyfriend's fingernails if he ever hurt me. FML
Today, I had to have an awkward conversation with my parents when they told me they were able to hear me and my boyfriend having sex at night. FML
Today, I had dinner at my girlfriend's house with her parents. Everything was going great, until after dinner when her dad pulled me aside and told me he'd heard us having sex. I was out of town all weekend for a baseball tournament. FML
Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave, I decided to give him one last thrill. I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out. When I asked why, he pointed behind me. My mom had watched the whole thing. FML
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML
Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML
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Top comments
JMichael 26
And that's when your dad when into serial killer mode.
salamancer 11
As opposed to the inside of his penis???
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Comments (126)
chrissy3272 6
break his dick
newzealand 28
literally or metaphorically? there's a painful difference. .
LaurenRoxsU 9
@85, How does one metaphorically break someone's dick? I'm genuinely curious here.
SoNotReal 2
I think the metaphor involves "using it" excessively and/or harshly.
joeblow6969 5
And this was a date, not a long term boyfriend? Little douche needs to be taught some manners. You can probably do better.
rabbi1010 29
At least he said it the correct way.
The_Avatar 22
I visibly flinched at the uncomfortableness of that statement
katekoala 13
Wow, that's almost as good a line as "if I ****** you, I wouldn't pull out."
kellilynn 18
And they say chivalry is dead.
valalvax 13
Shit I'm pretty sure I've said the exact same thing to my gf and I KNOW she's said it to me
vikky538 29
did your parents correct his sentence..
duhdarling 11
lol at least you know he's into you...
robertd73 24
He wants to be into her.
Spadoinkle 10
Who even says shit like that? That's just stupid and not at all romantic. What a fucktard.
brokenjawskhan 21
OP's boyfriend is a horny toad ...