Miscellaneous: Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm....

By DreamsDontComeTrue - United States - Newport News

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43213

You deserved it

6444

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Understandable

The smell detective is on the case

And probably giggling

By Anonymous - United States - Littleton

Today, my 14-year-old sister came into the bathroom while I was in it. When she saw me, she said sorry and left. Little did I know, she took my electric toothbrush to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6643

You deserved it

522

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was forced to go to the mall with my dad. He wore a bear suit the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31138

You deserved it

5136

Favorite

By Tp - United States

Today, I walked four blocks with toilet paper hanging out of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21846

You deserved it

28829

Favorite

By SquirrellyGirl

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1648

You deserved it

104

Favorite

By not a shitty situation so fuck you - United States - San Francisco

Today, in a public toilet, I got to experience a guy high out of his mind kicking in my locked stall door and puking all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13742

You deserved it

756

Favorite

By mrnikc - United States

Knowledge is power

Today, my mother told me the sun was the largest planet in the solar system. When I told her it was a star, she accused me of lying. We had to bring Google into this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1619

You deserved it

114

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the blind man I've been helping for months at the grocery store by carrying his shopping around and stuff was actually faking his blindness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31001

You deserved it

3739

Favorite

By pinoyson - United States

Today, I was texting a girl that I've liked for some time. When I asked her what she was doing, she replied "texting and p.s. I love you". I replied by telling her my feelings for her. Turns out "p.s. I love you" was the name of the movie she was watching with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44814

You deserved it

12884

Favorite

By MistofAvalon

Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Today, my cat woke me up announcing he was hungry by standing on my bedside table. This placed him both next to and above my head. Did he do this by meowing? Nope. Did he do it by tapping me with his little paw? Not that either. He sneezed all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

267

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after weeks of thinking and playing every outcome possible in my head, I told my parents I'm gay. My dad nodded and didn't even look up from his book; my mom told me to go to the doctor if it starts to itch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39105

You deserved it

8990

Favorite

By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28438

You deserved it

5181

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I work as a cashier, and Iike always I asked the customer paying credit to sign the "sheet" of paper. I recieved a dirty look from one woman who apparently talked to the manager about me, saying I had asked her to sign the "shitty" paper. I have now been warned for "derogatory language." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31438

You deserved it

2808

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47315

You deserved it

9964

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Sanford

Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60122

You deserved it

6818

Favorite

By ohshit - United States

Today, my fiancé picked which new house he thinks we should live in based on the fact that the bathroom was set up in such a way that he can drink himself in to a stupor, then use the toilet and puke in the sink at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24685

You deserved it

5629

Favorite

By soreloser - United States - Manhattan

Today, I beat my extremely competitive friend in a game of pool. He responded by breaking a pool stick over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47770

You deserved it

6177

Favorite

By ouch - United States

Today, while having sex, I tried to kick the blanket over my feet and kneed myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11865

You deserved it

26200

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Westfield

Today, my older brother called me ugly, and so I used the classic comeback ''It's not nice to talk about yourself like that." He responded by cutting the strings to my violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24139

You deserved it

2855

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that when the power goes out at my house, my family thinks you can no longer flush the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32537

You deserved it

3242

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/9/2020 20:03

Greed

Today, my husband told me he wants a $600 birthday gift. He doesn't understand why I said that wasn't happening, and is now mad at me. Not only can we not afford that, he only spent less than $10 on my birthday gift last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1328

You deserved it

108

Favorite

By jackpot - Venezuela

Today, I was in a parking lot looking for a spot, and after driving around for a long while I finally found one. A homeless man was taking a shit on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29392

You deserved it

3008

Favorite

By shunned - United Kingdom

Today, two months after moving up to Scotland to be with my fiancé, he broke up with me because he 'didn't love me anymore and hadn't for a long time.' Shame he didn't tell me that when he was saying 'I love you, I want to marry you', having sex with me, and using my savings for a deposit on a flat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34500

You deserved it

4770

Favorite

By techiefIve - United States

Today, I was eating Star Wars gummy candies and I bit R2-D2 in half. My girlfriend looked at it and said "Oh look, now he's R1-D1". It was super cute, but I couldn't help thinking, "That's not how the numbering system works for droids." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16554

You deserved it

53309

Favorite

By wideeyeddays - United States - Pasadena

Today, my dad thought it was a great idea to text me and say he decided to put our dog down. I was in the middle of class and still had hours left at school. It's not fun to walk across campus holding back tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26402

You deserved it

1622

Favorite

By collegekid - 17/5/2020 14:00

Marriage story

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1883

You deserved it

144

Favorite

By Anonymous

Time for a BBQ

Today, my friend hit a bird with her car. She asked me to get it off for her, so I reluctantly complied. It came off. In pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1457

You deserved it

188

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hayward

Today, the priest at my wedding farted. Everyone thought it was me. The guests, my bride, even the priest himself looked at me in disgust before continuing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29663

You deserved it

1735

Favorite

By LP - United States - Madison

Today, I was at work copying some papers. The copier is below a shelf with lots of paper and signage, which suddenly flew off the hinge and hit me in the head as well as the copier. My boss ran in, asking, "Is the copier okay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29524

You deserved it

2356

Favorite

By BrokeAsHeck

Today, for the second time in a year, I am a victim of bank fraud. All my money was in there, and I move today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4275

You deserved it

296

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6212

You deserved it

565

Favorite

By kat

Today, I posted my phone for sale on Facebook. Someone hit me up to buy it and wanted me to meet them. I didn't really want to drive to them, but I'm a mom of 2 and I needed food and some extra cash so I did it. The guy asked to look at the phone and ran off with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3050

You deserved it

667

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52550

You deserved it

20087

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Brandon

Today, I spent several hours downtown with my violent grandma, after she was arrested for threatening a guy with a gun. His crime? "Trespassing" by ringing the doorbell and asking if she was interested in donating to charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44796

You deserved it

3870

Favorite

By broken - United States

Today, I was fooling around with my boyfriend in his room. He grabbed me behind the head to pull me in for a hard, romantic kiss. He accidentally smashed my nose into his cheekbone, and my nose started gushing blood and continued to bleed for over 2 hours. It's broken, and he just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43875

You deserved it

4443

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I introduced my long-distance boyfriend of 2 years to my friends. I told him how my friends jokingly call him my imaginary Internet boyfriend. He thought it was so funny that when they met, he claimed to be my cousin, saying that I paid him to pretend to be my boyfriend. They believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25803

You deserved it

2921

Favorite

By embarrassed - United Kingdom

Today, I texted my Dad to tell him I'm staying at my boyfriend's house and won't be home. Since I had predictive text on, my phone didn't quite get the word 'home' - the message I sent said, 'I'm staying at Will's, I'll not be good tonight.' FML

I agree, your life sucks

15278

You deserved it

29314

Favorite

By tahneee

Today, I went to a function with my dad for a football team. Handing my dad the camera, I finally worked up the courage to ask for a photo with my favourite player. The guy was looking at my boobs in all three photo attempts. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1657

You deserved it

206

Favorite

By newlysingle - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I had been hiding the ring in the sock drawer. When I went to retrieve it, the ring was gone and in its place was a sticky note that said "NO." FML

I agree, your life sucks

57694

You deserved it

3610

Favorite

By storyofmylife - United States

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me. Everything was going perfectly, right up until he brought me back to his house to tell his family the good news. When I excused myself to the restroom, I overheard his mom say, "I thought you were going to break up with that stupid slut?" Welcome to the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44380

You deserved it

3984

Favorite

By w_t_f - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of scissors. My mom was cutting my hair while I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63048

You deserved it

5254

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ShadoeAcurus | 16

#6193621 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:40

At least it was a good dream.

By HighasaCloud | 46

#6193626 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Hopefully you only missed a lecture and not an exam!

COMMENTS

By ShadoeAcurus | 16

#6193621 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:40

At least it was a good dream.

nix1993 | 41

#6193692 - Thursday 5 February 2015 19:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Nexpecto | 28

#6193720 - Thursday 5 February 2015 20:19

#27 If you didn't notice this is someone else's share time.

Iwannarock1 | 19

#6194146 - Friday 6 February 2015 5:50

Thanks for sharing #27

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6194259 - Friday 6 February 2015 8:14

Beastie Boys - Sabotage...

By guynamedsky | 15

#6193623 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:41

a surprise day off

By AutisticAbyss | 10

#6193624 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Inception at its best!

HighasaCloud | 46

#6193632 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:46

Now if only OP could made the professor dream about cancelling class and actually do so when he wakes

By WCARlover | 34

#6193625 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Hopefully it's not a class where they count attendance :( I bet the professor has never heard that excuse before though haha

By HighasaCloud | 46

#6193626 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Hopefully you only missed a lecture and not an exam!

By toaster87 | 19

#6193627 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Shit happens, it's only one day.

liquifiednate | 21

#6193776 - Thursday 5 February 2015 21:19

That one day can make a huge difference though. Last semester when I was taking a history class the professor would go through 3-4 chapters/sections during lecture, and if you skipped the lecture you would be missing a lot of information.

mansen | 15

#6194187 - Friday 6 February 2015 6:58

Depends on the class you missed. Missing a psych, sociology or philosophy class, not so bad. Miss a calc, chem or genetics class...you can kiss sleep goodbye for a long while trying to catch up from all the info you missed.