Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm....

By DreamsDontComeTrue - 5/2/2015 06:15 - United States - Newport News

Today, my professor cancelled class so I turned off my alarm. When I woke up, I checked my email again. There was no email from my professor. It was a dream. FML

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Miscellaneous

Instadrama

White line fever

Deep-seated resentment

By ohgawd - 8/10/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

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By ihateoldmagazines - 27/1/2011 21:31 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for an appointment. After waiting for ages, I asked the receptionist what the delay was. Apparently, I had no standing appointment today. This is coming from the same receptionist who checked me in nearly two hours ago. FML

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By anonymous - 6/3/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I was in my room, in my briefs and texting my girlfriend. Suddenly, I got a massive erection and I decided to take a picture to send her. As soon as my camera phone clicked, my mom walked in. You can see my mom in the picture screaming at me. FML

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By HatedGrandson - 7/1/2013 00:50 - United States

Today, I visited my grandparents' house. While getting a drink from the fridge, I noticed the Christmas card my family sent them had my face scratched out. When I confronted them about it, they said it was the cat. They don't have a cat. FML

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By ForgottenSarahMarshall - 22/5/2014 05:51 - United States - Aubrey

Today, I was creeping on an old coworker's Facebook and noticed they'd tagged my face in an old group photo as another girl. According to the comments, the girl they'd tagged me as thought it was her too. I worked there for two years and nobody mentioned the mistake. FML

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By HappyBirthday - 28/5/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, it was my friend's birthday. She's been having problems with most of her friends besides me lately, so I wanted to do something special. I brought her a cake. Me and her were the only ones to have any. It gave us both food poisoning. FML

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By ferret702 - 5/2/2016 12:04 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, in the current company I'm employed by, I have a better chance at gambling my way to the top, as opposed to working my way up. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/12/2010 23:28 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML

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By blaise - 13/4/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 8 years dumped me. When I asked if there was another guy, she responded, "You were the other guy". FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2010 05:06 - United States

Today, I drove my new car with a manual transmission for the first time by myself. I was at a stoplight and saw a cute guy in the car next to me. He looked my way and gave me "the nod". The light turned green and I tried to go but I stalled out, lurching my car forward right into the car next to me. FML

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By Can't Win - 9/9/2012 15:01 - United States - Palatine

Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML

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By well, now what - 12/12/2014 14:39 - United States - Broken Arrow

Today, I confronted my boyfriend after he received a text with a bunch of hearts on it. After arguing, turns out it was from me. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2018 12:00

Today, the manager that made my life a living hell for 3 years, who was demoted 6 weeks ago and transferred to another store, was transferred back to us as a salesperson. Now we work side by side 42 hours a week on the same exact schedule. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/4/2012 05:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

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By drunkdial - 6/1/2010 05:53 - France

Today, I realized that the only time my girlfriend ever calls me is when she's drunk. FML

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By Kelavmeister - 17/4/2009 01:16 - United States

Today, I was driving home from school, when I saw this girl I like walking home. Trying to be polite, I pulled over and asked if she wanted a ride. After my offer, I was rejected as she said "No, I'm actually already home," and walked up the nearest driveway... MY driveway. FML

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By wherermypants - 2/8/2012 05:10 - United States - Austin

Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/12/2017 15:00

Today, while driving to work, an idiot pulled out of a junction without looking and wiped me out. I'm now in hospital with two broken legs, looking at employment pages because I didn't give work "enough notice" about my absence. FML

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By pothole - 3/3/2010 20:16 - United States

Today, it was nice out, so I drove with my car windows down. I was stopped trying to turn onto a busy highway, when a car turned off the highway right next to me, hit a pothole, and splashed dirty water into my window and into my open mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2019 22:00 - United States - Houston

Today, my mom barged into my room, threw 5 boxes of condoms at me, then said, "So you don't get pregnant". She still hasn't accepted the fact that I'm a lesbian. FML

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By Phil - 21/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2016 03:35

Today, I flew 1800 km with my two small children to a remote northern village for work. Our bags were lost, leaving us without winter gear and only one change of clothes. Just to make things extra fun, we now all have uncontrollable vomiting and diarrhea. FML

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By anonymous - 11/8/2010 19:19 - Canada

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

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By fail - 16/1/2011 01:50 - Canada

Today, I decided to play a friendly game of Clue with my family. This resulted in one kid crying, one dad with a broken nose, two broken plates and a trip to Walmart to get a new Clue game. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/6/2019 00:01

Today, I was friendzoned by my boyfriend due to the fact that we never fight. Apparently, if there's no fighting, there's no passion. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2009 03:05 - United States

Today, I got rear-ended at a stop sign on a seldom used road in my neighborhood. As I open my car door to trade insurance information with the guy, he backs up a little and speeds away, taking my car door with him. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/7/2016 14:23

Today, a customer asked if we stocked gluten-free water. Then she got pissed when I laughed at what I thought was her joke. FML

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By prego - 13/4/2012 14:15 - United States - Sterling Heights

Today, my husband told me to stop faking being sick, because, "morning sickness doesn't happen after noon." FML

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By Kevin - 9/9/2011 12:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/10/2011 22:26 - United States

Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML

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By cnd1213 - 30/12/2016 18:02 - United States

Today, I had to do my assistant manager's job because she doesn't know what the hell she is doing. I'd interviewed for this position but didn't get it because I'm "still too new for this position." FML

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By Whoops - 20/10/2011 04:36 - United States

Today, at my job in a nursing home, the State Department of Health inspected us, during which a dementia patient repeatedly screamed that I always hurt her. This was the first time that I'd ever seen her. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/8/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

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By Lonely Gay - 22/2/2012 09:37 - United States

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

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By SURPRISE - 10/6/2009 00:13 - Canada

Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday. To surprise her, I told her that I was going away on business, and could not be there on her birthday. When I show up at her house to surprise her with a present and cake, she opens the door in her underwear, beside a man in his boxers. She was surprised. FML

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By murphy22 - 24/8/2012 09:33 - United States - Norman

Today, I was taking a relaxing bath. My cat decided to sit on the ledge, which is normal for her, but today she fell in. I never knew how painful it was to be scratched down there until today. FML

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By motheroftwo - 6/1/2010 08:41 - Norway

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2015 16:27 - United States - San Jose

Today, I complimented a player in a game who protected my ass the whole match. As a joke, I told them to marry me. Turned out the person was a horny 40-something lesbian stalker who spent the next 5 hours sending me pictures and trying to find out where I live. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/12/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I was hanging out with my crush and wanted to see what he thought of me. Instead of asking him straight, I tugged at my shirt, saying ''I don't know why I wear this top. I always look awful in it." He said, "Are you fishing for a fat joke?" FML

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By awkward - 6/11/2013 21:16 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

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Top comments

By ShadoeAcurus | 16

#6193621 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:40

At least it was a good dream.

By HighasaCloud | 46

#6193626 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Hopefully you only missed a lecture and not an exam!

Comments

By ShadoeAcurus | 16

#6193621 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:40

At least it was a good dream.

nix1993 | 41

#6193692 - Thursday 5 February 2015 19:44

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Nexpecto | 28

#6193720 - Thursday 5 February 2015 20:19

#27 If you didn't notice this is someone else's share time.

Iwannarock1 | 19

#6194146 - Friday 6 February 2015 5:50

Thanks for sharing #27

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6194259 - Friday 6 February 2015 8:14

Beastie Boys - Sabotage...

By guynamedsky | 15

#6193623 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:41

a surprise day off

By AutisticAbyss | 10

#6193624 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Inception at its best!

HighasaCloud | 46

#6193632 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:46

Now if only OP could made the professor dream about cancelling class and actually do so when he wakes

By WCARlover | 34

#6193625 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Hopefully it's not a class where they count attendance :( I bet the professor has never heard that excuse before though haha

By HighasaCloud | 46

#6193626 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Hopefully you only missed a lecture and not an exam!

By toaster87 | 19

#6193627 - Thursday 5 February 2015 18:43

Shit happens, it's only one day.

liquifiednate | 21

#6193776 - Thursday 5 February 2015 21:19

That one day can make a huge difference though. Last semester when I was taking a history class the professor would go through 3-4 chapters/sections during lecture, and if you skipped the lecture you would be missing a lot of information.

mansen | 15

#6194187 - Friday 6 February 2015 6:58

Depends on the class you missed. Missing a psych, sociology or philosophy class, not so bad. Miss a calc, chem or genetics class...you can kiss sleep goodbye for a long while trying to catch up from all the info you missed.