Today, trying to be a little fun and flirty, I asked my husband if he wanted to play strip poker. He replied, "Nah. Not much fun with just two people." Not sure if he’s suggesting swinging or if he's really just that dense to what I wanted. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I played Connect Four with a gay guy who was clearly hitting on me for an hour. When he asked why I didn’t want to go to his place, I told him that I’m straight and married. He asked why I played with him for so long, so I told him, “My wife sucks at Connect Four.” He called me a cocktease and left. FML
Today, it has been a year and a half since my boyfriend discovered online poker. Annoyed to see him spending every evening playing on his laptop, I threatened him: “Now honey, you have to choose. It’s your poker or me!” Answer: “You are bluffing!” FML
Today, my husband had the cheek to ask me, “What’s for dinner tonight?” and “I have no clean slacks for tomorrow can you wash me some?” no more than 10 minutes after he told me he wants us to see other people. FML
Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML
Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML
Today, my husband and I visited a new bar in our city. It turned out to be a swingers sex club. He asked if we could stay and try it out, even though we were easily the oldest people there by about 30 years. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML
Today, I noticed my husband was acting moody, and I asked him what was wrong. He replied that he didn't know, so trying to lighten the mood, I facetiously said, "It's 'cause you're stuck with me, isn't it?" He nodded, trundled off, and hasn't shown his face since. FML
Today, I felt frisky, so I did my hair and put on make-up and some lingerie. I walked into the living room, where my husband was playing a video game. He glanced up, said, "Oh, for fuck's sake." and made me wait nearly 15 minutes for him to reach a save-game point. FML
Today, my sister-in-law and I discussed what men like our husbands do at a bachelor party. I thought of beer, sports, and a strip club. Her version included church, wrestling (she believes they're former high school athletes), and sleeping together in the den (they’re 28 and in his own home). She was offended by my answers. FML
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Top comments
TomeDr 25
If he’s anything like my ex, the answer is “dense”.
zeffra13 31
Any chance he wasn't listening close enough & just heard poker? Really though, any kind of poker with just 2 people isn't great. If what you want is a strip tease related to a game, see if there's another game you can make work?
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Comments (14)
TomeDr 25
If he’s anything like my ex, the answer is “dense”.
RichardPencil 32
What's the prize? He's already seen you naked zillions of times. Why would he want it in slo-mo?
PhoenixChick 26
The prize is that if you engage is foreplay with your wife, she's more likely to want to have sex with you. So I guess if you never want to sleep with your wife again, turning down her sexual advances is a good idea.
RichardPencil 32
It doesn't have to be all-or-nothing. Generally speaking, rejecting your wife's sexual advances has adverse effects. But if she wants to play a long game to draw out the experience, you can turn that down and suggest a more time-efficient foreplay.
Callyn 47
If you want sex, be explicit. It's not that hard, pretending like this just makes it harder for everyone.
BurnInDemonFire 39
No it doesn't. That's part of the problem.
PhoenixChick 26
So a wife wanting some foreplay and seduction is "pretending" now? What's with all these dudes getting mad the woman isn't being "direct" enough? Sex isn't supposed to be a quick plumbing job you can check off your to-do list. There's a reason sex scenes in movies aren't just one person walking up to the other out of nowhere and saying "I would like to have sex now if you are available" followed by the most efficient means of accomplishing the act.
mcsmee 8
Depends on the movie. in Champagne for Breakfast, one woman said to another "I would love to eat the crotch out of your panties." Guess what happened next.
1known 34
If that’s not explicit enough, you’re a lost cause!
TinScarecrow 15
He's dense, but you're not direct. Sounds like you both have problems
PhoenixChick 26
Most women do not think of sex in terms of "what's the quickest method to get his dick in my ******." We're not playing some elaborate game of "oh, I want to just ask for sex but I'm going to be sneaky about it." OP was looking for flirty, sexy seduction and invited her man to particpate. She shouldn't have to hold up a sign saying "if you would engage with me in a titilating situation I will more likely grant you access to my genitalia." We're not playing games, we just don't cold start.
TinScarecrow 15
Do you know what he might get for his trouble? "Why do you always think it's about sex?". If you want sex be direct. If you want foreplay be direct. If you're not willing to be direct be patient and willing to be disappointed. It's that simple
zeffra13 31
Any chance he wasn't listening close enough & just heard poker? Really though, any kind of poker with just 2 people isn't great. If what you want is a strip tease related to a game, see if there's another game you can make work?