Today, my dad tried to help me overcome my intense fear of horses (due to nearly being killed by one as a child) by taking me to a ranch. Within 30 minutes, a horse bit my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my parents came to visit me at the ranch I work at. They're scared to death of horses, but I was explaining how they are almost completely harmless. I was showing them how to work around the horse without getting kicked. As they relaxed, the horse kicked me. I now have a broken leg. FML
Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML
Today, I went horseback riding with this guy I like. I asked him to help me get on the horse. I slipped, and while trying to keep my balance, I kicked him in the face. FML
Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML
Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML
Today, I broke my wrist when I got into a disagreement with a horse. FML
Today, I was riding my newly trained horse. I've recently been suffering from bad gas, and ended up farting so violently, it spooked my horse into bucking me off and running away. FML
Today, I was thrown from a horse. Thankfully, there was a trainer there to break my fall and prevent serious injury. Instead of being concerned for my safety or even grateful, my boyfriend flew into a rage that the trainer’s hands had brushed my breasts while saving me. FML
Today, I was putting my horse away into her pasture, when I slipped in the mud. In a haisty attempt to support myself, I grabbed the electric fence in on hand, and my horse with the other. The shock from the fence traveled through me to her, sending her running and leaving me with 2 broken teeth. FML
Today, my idiot horse decided to grab a mouthful of stinging nettles while I was riding him. He panicked at the burning sensation in his mouth and bucked me off. Don't worry, though, my fall was cushioned, by the nettles. FML
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Top comments
Dave_Davington 34
That sounds like a most foal experience. Still, at least your nightmare is over. Hopefully there'll be niegh more of this kind of horseshit from your father from now on.
RichardPencil 32
Didn’t you ever learn “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?”
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Comments (10)
Dave_Davington 34
That sounds like a most foal experience. Still, at least your nightmare is over. Hopefully there'll be niegh more of this kind of horseshit from your father from now on.
EmDizzle2007 28
good work. let's see if it makes comment of the week.
RichardPencil 32
Didn’t you ever learn “don’t look a gift horse in the mouth?”
seasonedtoast 19
Why the long face?
Glowworm56 27
This is one of those cases where wild horses could indeed drag you away.
Lobby_Bee 18
You need to eat horse meat. It'll give you the strength to overcome your fear once you know how delicious they are.
gracefulmonk 8
You could have said "neigh" about going to the ranch. Colt-n't he have guessed that you weren't wanting to horse around?
tonyfan00 38
Well if you tanned yourself too much you might have looked like a carrot...
siggy_mcsigx 22
I thought it was common knowledge that horses sense when people are afraid of them and become more likely to attack
thatslifeiguess7 16
The better question is did you bite your dad?