Intimacy: Caught

Caught

By fuck - 09/11/2013 23:30 - United States - Hubert

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 265

You deserved it 5 250

Intimacy

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Sorry…

Compromises

By Gone With the Wind - 12/05/2014 03:29 - United States - Omaha

Today, the tornado sirens went off so my family went to the basement and turned on the TV to the local news. The station goes to their sky cam as a trampoline flies by. Quite the sight. When the storm passed, I looked outside to see our trampoline was gone. It was the one flying by on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 614

You deserved it 4 857

By Julez - 14/01/2012 16:14 - United States

Today, I was trying on some new pants in the fitting room at a store. I was so overcome with joy when I noticed that I had dropped two pant sizes, that when I took them off and went outside to pay for them, I realized I forgot to put back on my original jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 210

You deserved it 13 627

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 484

You deserved it 2 572

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 10:29 - United States

Today, the alarm clock downstairs has been going off since 3am. The apartment belongs to two other students. They've gone home. Only 3 more days left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 175

You deserved it 2 292

By likesboys - 19/05/2010 12:00 - Canada

Today, my entire family thinks I'm a lesbian. I'm straight. I'm embarrassed and don't know how to tell them that I've been single for so long because I can't get a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 881

You deserved it 4 960

The customer is always an ass

By zanaruka - 19/05/2020 05:00

Today, an angry customer rubbed her hand all over my face, all while showing me her positive COVID-19 test results. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 561

You deserved it 146

By ???? - 25/01/2012 06:32 - United States

Today, I fell and sprained my ankle while trying to step into my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 852

You deserved it 6 658

By joeshmoe - 15/01/2012 12:52 - United States

Today, my girlfriend hummed the Jeopardy theme while I was trying to undo her bra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 256

You deserved it 25 714

By Chan - 26/09/2011 01:57 - United States

Today, I spilled hot coffee all over this man at work. I tried apologizing and saying it was an accident, but he then complained, which resulted in me being unemployed. The man I spilled coffee on was my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 118

You deserved it 3 124

By turtles_yup - 03/12/2015 05:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while at a fast food restaurant, I wanted to wash my hands. The restrooms were locked, so a cashier got the key and opened the men's restroom. This would have been fine if I wasn't a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 168

You deserved it 2 110

Dine and dash

By talkomatic713 - 18/07/2021 09:58

Today, some friends and I went to IHOP. We joked about not having enough money, and as it turns out we were $5 short. We put down what we had and left. Upon getting to the car, I realized I'd forgotten my phone, and had to go back. I made eye contact with our waitress, our money in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 2 529

By daisyann - 15/07/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for the first time. When the officer came up to my window, I immediately burst out into tears due to nervousness. He kept asking me for my licence and registration. Hysterical, I wasn't able to comply. He arrested me for not cooperating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 639

You deserved it 55 452

By lovecrisis247 - 19/12/2010 07:46 - United States

Today, my parents finally invited my boyfriend over for dinner. Everything was going great until my mother asked him his profession. He stuffed his mouth full of lasagna, snorted, and then responded, "I clean shit for a living." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 088

You deserved it 25 432

By anon - 30/06/2016 17:33 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 833

You deserved it 687

By ouch - 03/01/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 565

You deserved it 2 967

By horniness - 10/10/2009 16:30 - Hong Kong

Today, I was in a bad mood after being stuck in traffic for 2 hours and late for work. I was walking to my building when I saw a 100 dollar note flying my way. A man called after me for it, but being selfish I took the note in my pocket as a little reward. That man was my boss. Yes, I'm fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 018

You deserved it 74 764

By sirengamer - 14/06/2017 20:00 - United States

Today, I was at my job where we buy precious metals. A man came in and said, "Here, I have something special for you." He then pulled a tooth out of his mouth that had dental gold on it and placed in it my bare hand. Yeah, special indeed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 898

You deserved it 295

By Anonymous - 08/08/2009 11:49 - United States

Today, I woke up in my friend's living room after our sleepover. I heard her hot older brother and his friends in the kitchen. Feeling confident, I exposed my midriff a little bit just to give them a peek. They groaned and threw a blanket over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 847

You deserved it 64 677

Subtle

By uh huh sure - 09/07/2020 05:01

Today, my mother-in-law, who isn't southern, who’s family isn’t southern, and has never even mentioned any interest in anything even remotely southern, decided to give us a baby gift: a hand-crocheted confederate flag blanket. We’re an interracial couple. I think she’s trying to tell me something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 175

By myboyfriendisweird - 05/01/2015 02:50 - United States - Phoenix

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend, we were cuddling when he grabbed his penis and made it say, "That was amazing! Thank you for the sex." He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 173

You deserved it 6 641

By BluBaller - 06/04/2010 07:10 - United States

Today, after about a month with no sex, my girlfriend told me to come up to her room and began kissing me passionately. She got me down to my underwear before informing me that she had Spanish homework left. To make things better, upon finishing up, she went straight to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 508

You deserved it 5 870

By coldasfire - 29/03/2015 21:18 - United States

Today, I found out my girlfriend keeps my toenails in her deceased grandmother's prized music box. She says it's to, "Keep the box natural." I don't understand why she does this, or what she means by "natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 356

You deserved it 2 462

By mathgenius - 08/10/2013 19:17 - Norway - Kolltveit

Today, I passed my math test with flying colors. My dad thought I had cheated, so he emailed the school and told them that I had. They lowered my grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 592

You deserved it 3 698

By meow - 16/07/2019 18:30

Today, I found out my boss hired literally the only person in this town who is an ex-boyfriend. I also work with my current boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 197

By Tired - 13/07/2009 13:25 - Philippines

Today, my building's elevators were temporarily out of service. I climbed up 17 flights of stairs only to realize I left my keys downstairs. After the painful climb back up, the elevator lights came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 658

You deserved it 6 814

Fear Factor

By Cowgirl1293 - 26/08/2021 00:01

Today, at 28 years-old, I broke the first ever bone in my body. I broke a metacarpal in my hand by going down an inflatable waterside at a children's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 127

Cheap-ass perv!

By Allison Arsenault - 07/06/2020 08:08

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years thinks that it is too expensive to get married, go on vacations, concerts, etc., but spends $100+/month on Hentai. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 809

You deserved it 428

Exciting

By Anonymous - 23/07/2021 11:01

Today, I had a crucial volleyball playoff game. My dad came to watch. While in a set, my friend pointed over to the bench where my dad was sitting. I turned to see my dad snoring loudly as a result of him falling asleep. He achieved this with loudly cheering people all around him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 75

Sleep punching is a thing

By Anonymous - 13/09/2021 02:00

Today, I woke up to a punch in the face. My girlfriend said it was because she dreamed that I'd bought all her friends Taco Bell but didn't bring her anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 90

By Anonymous - 15/01/2011 07:09 - United States

Today, it's the 3 month anniversary marking the day two friends and I shaved our heads as a show of solidarity for a friend starting chemo. Her prognosis is good and her hair only thinned slightly. We, on the other hand, look like a motley crew of lesbian biker chicks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 705

You deserved it 10 953

By Dear God Why - 05/12/2016 13:07

Today, I finally determined the source of the horrible smell that periodically invades my apartment: there's nothing wrong with the plumbing as I previously thought, I can just smell my neighbors pooping in their bathroom on the other side of the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 328

You deserved it 710

By Earths_Venus - 25/12/2009 06:28 - Australia

Today, I sat for 3 hours at my boyfriend's Christmas celebrations. He has 22 cousins. They open presents one at a time. In silence. I got nothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 215

You deserved it 3 472

PTSD FML

By Eddward - 15/06/2021 06:00

Today, I was working a phone call in a call center when I suddenly began to faint while at it. It turned out to be a bad dream I'd woken up from, because it's been three months since I've worked at that call center. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 77

By bgoodwin07 - 29/11/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 879

You deserved it 2 861

By clip_kate - 01/07/2016 02:36

Today, I went to the store, but after I'd selected my items, I saw that I'd forgotten my wallet. When I tried to explain to the cashier, he thought that I was trying to steal and called the cops. My roommate had to come to the store to save me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 137

You deserved it 1 365

Classic mistake

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 13:59

Today, I was getting ready for work and I sprayed my hair to stay in place, then went to spray deodorant under my arm, but noticed that it was super sticky. No wonder my hair spray smelled like baby powder, I'd confused one product with another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 594

By Calimero0 - 05/12/2017 01:30

Today, I felt so unwell that I didn't fall asleep until 4 AM. The baby woke up at 5, ready to start the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 537

By Bandking - 17/03/2014 21:48 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 108

You deserved it 5 458

Debate bro

By Anonymous - 23/01/2021 14:00 - Austria - Graz

Today, I realized my boyfriend never argues with me when I'm right, but goes to great lengths when I'm not. As a result, in the five years we've been together, he has won every single argument we ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 1 698

By sickofsick - 30/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, I woke up with the flu that causes me to throw up violently until I dry heave and can't breathe. I told my mom I would rather have the runs, and not even a minute later, I got them. So now if I move too fast, I throw up, and if I don't move fast enough, I shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 576

You deserved it 3 963

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

the_real_dvd 21

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:13

I'm assuming you didn't bail him out.

SweetasCandy0609 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:14

I hope you didn't bail his sorry ass out let the waitress he was caught having sex with bail him out, I'm sorry your husband is a douche OP.

the_real_dvd 21

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:13

I'm assuming you didn't bail him out.

marulicko 19

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 12:58

I'm sincerely hoping that she didn't!

Sports_guy3 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 13:18

Husband: "Can you bail me out of jail?" OP: "How'd you get there in the first place?" Husband: "The reason's not important." News Station: "A man gets arrested for having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom." (Shows husband's face)

capthigh 16

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 16:09

HA I hope you didn't bail him out but I wouldn't be against you paying him a visit with some divorce papers

JMichael 25

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 17:28

Exactly. Leave his cheating ass there.

SweetasCandy0609 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:14

I hope you didn't bail his sorry ass out let the waitress he was caught having sex with bail him out, I'm sorry your husband is a douche OP.

jlmontgomery 11

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:25

I'm going to guess that OP probably didn't know about the reason for the arrest until afterwards. What guy would admit that to his wife when he is trying to get her to get him out of jail?

SweetasCandy0609 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:34

I think he did know why he was arrested she clearly says that he was CAUGHT having sex in the bathroom with the waitress which means they were still in the process of having sex when they got busted he didn't real have a choice but to tell her I'm sure she would of found out one way or another if he didn't tell and she really wanted to know the cop's would of told her if she asked.

apu_nahasapeemap 10

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:59

Think about what you wrote there #2, the waitress would have been arrested too. It takes two to shag. But yeah, OP should let her husband rot in jail.

BriCx 8

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 11:49

22 he was saying maybe OP didn't know the reason, not the husband. Try not to read faster than your brain can handle next time.

ctlnaaia71 8

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 14:10

WOW 22, you're a genius!!! NOT!

jococo7787 3

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 16:00

Sweetascandy, do you wonder why your first comment got so many likes and your second comment got so many dislikes? PUNCTUATION.

jlmontgomery 11

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 17:08

Ummm....I said that OP didn't know why he was arrested...not her husband. He didn't necessarily have to tell her the REAL reason why he was arrested. Oh, and it's would HAVE not would of. I'm going to guess you meant to use "would've" but for whatever reason you failed to understand what they taught you in elementary school.

Hiimhaileypotter 52

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 21:42

#83: I think you're just beating a dead horse now; enough people have ridiculed #22's lack of punctuation/proper grammar.

jlmontgomery 11

Send a private message

Monday 11 November 2013 1:08

#118 - I know but since her bad grammar was due to my comment, I felt it was necessary.

Miss_Behave 2

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:15

I hope you kept him waiting in jail while you filed for divorce and changed the locks to the house!

Jjan04 14

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:30

Legally she actually can't lock him out of his own house until AFTER the divorce is finalized.

SweetasCandy0609 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:39

#18 where I live you actually can change the locks and lock them out even if you're married and if he tries to break in he can get arrested for breaking and entering even though he lives there.

nnnope 26

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 13:49

23: Punctuation, use it.

showmeyourears 19

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 15:18

18 When my mom found out my dad cheated, she changed the locks and the garage door opener. The police even had to get involved once because his mistress was threatening us and they said nothing about the legality of changing the locks and throwing him out. The mortgage bills do come addressed to her though, so maybe that was why.

AKAR2521 4

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 16:41

this is not school, stop being grammar nazis damn

speckledots 29

Send a private message

Monday 11 November 2013 4:38

If you are locked out of your house you legally have the right to kick the door down and the cops can't do anything. Its their house too, you can't kick them out of it. Even though its highly justified.

FlutterLoud 29

Send a private message

Thursday 2 July 2015 5:29

No idea why everyone is being so mean to you

Memen88 16

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:15

Hopefully you told him he had the wrong number and not bailed him out!

vespergreen 17

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:16

Please tell me you did not bail the douchebag out.

awkwardloveannie 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:19

tell him to have the waitress bail him out. she liked him enough to screw him in a restroom maybe she likes him enough to bail him out.

SweetasCandy0609 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:42

She's probably busy trying to bail herself out or finding someone to bail her out since they were both caught lol

awkwardloveannie 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:44

she probably has tips from the day lol

BriCx 8

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 11:50

If a waitress gets potentially hundreds of dollars in tips a day then I need to make a career change...

ctlnaaia71 8

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 14:11

She's calling her husband to bail her out!!! lmao

ashleyylove3 22

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:19

"Oh I'm sorry why don't you call the waitress to bail you out, by the way I want a divorce." *beep*

Ray_of_midnight 22

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:21

Wasn't a Burger King bathroom, was it?

awkwardloveannie 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:21

do burger kings have waitresses?

Ray_of_midnight 22

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:26

@#11 nothing says she works there. Also, way to ruin the joke....

awkwardloveannie 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:30

I thought jokes were suppost to be funny

awkwardloveannie 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:31

also if she's a waitress and they're in a restaurant bathroom I'm pretty sure she works there otherwise mentioning she's a waitress is pointless

SweetasCandy0609 28

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:45

#16 if she wasn't a waitress where he was at then how would she know she was a waitress in the first place? try using your brain and read the fml next time before you comment so you don't look ignorant.

AKAR2521 4

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 16:44

most of you are making yourselves look ignorant for arguing with strangers.

a_wiener_d0g 15

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 17:51

#26 You should probably just give up on trying to get up votes now...

jbuckets_404 38

Send a private message

Saturday 21 May 2016 14:47

#26: Yes, she's a waitress, but that doesn't automatically mean that she got caught while at work; she could've stopped at a different restaurant on her way home after her shift.

gracehi 31

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 9:21

Let him rot there.

sunnyray812 42

Send a private message

Sunday 10 November 2013 20:53

Exactly, and he's stupid enough to even think she would. I'd said, "Forget you! I'm going out with a new guy!" He deserves to stay in jail and mope around.