Health: Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car,...

By laurlaur - 05/08/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 988

You deserved it 2 900

Health

Broken heart

The smell detective is on the case

Another great day to be alive

By RubyRed213 - 30/05/2018 05:00

Today, I found out that my parents are extremely active swingers by finding their online profile with photos of my mom with a dildo. I guess those out-of-town trips weren't just holidays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 202

You deserved it 398

Customers from hell

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 06:01

Today, an older customer ran up to me and did a open-mouthed, panting growl in my face, with her face 2 inches from my mine. She then laughed and said, “I only do this to men” and then left the store without buying anything. My mask was down and she didn’t have one at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 220

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 359

You deserved it 3 661

By *sigh* - 08/12/2015 22:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I confronted my friend about the £260 he owes me. He got offended and said, "Friends don't have to pay back." He called me selfish and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 607

You deserved it 2 181

By Anonymous - 14/01/2010 22:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing "we're through fat slob" on my forehead whilst I was asleep in permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 641

You deserved it 5 032

By :-( - 17/07/2013 05:22 - Australia - Rozelle

Today, I finally convinced my mum to take me to a psychologist. As soon as he sat me down and asked me how I was doing, my mum burst into tears and went on a rant about how her life is terrible and she regrets everything. I was asked to sit in the waiting room. She used up my whole hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 375

You deserved it 3 629

Spreading

By Bubbilility - 26/12/2020 20:02 - Australia

Today, my mother called me from the other side of the world to tell me she's got Covid. She got it from a friend, who later told her that they had attended anti-mask rallies. She's only been visiting her friend because she needs internet to keep working and can't get it where she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 111

By SheWentCrayola - 17/10/2009 02:04 - United States

Today, I met some guys from my dad's workplace. They told him what a pretty daughter he had, to which he responded, "Nah, it's just shit-loads of makeup." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 7 567

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 21:27 - United States

Today, I was enjoying the benefits of marriage with my new husband. We were changing positions when my joints started crackling and popping like my mother's did when I was a kid. My husband stopped, concerned about my possible pain... I'm 20 years old and pop like an arthritic 50 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 529

You deserved it 3 859

By LimpMcgee - 07/02/2011 02:36 - United States

Today, I went to go use an automatic cart in Walmart because I broke my hip in January. They were all being used by morbidly obese people throughout the store. I asked a manager if she could get me one, but apparently their weight issues are more impeding than my broken hip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 077

You deserved it 3 625

By Ewwwwno - 19/09/2017 11:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that most of my family has the same fetish as I do. I don't know whether to be revolted or relieved that I'm not the only one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 449

You deserved it 559

By hilariousnow - 22/12/2009 08:46 - Vietnam

Today, with my girlfriend I planned a trip to Bali on this Thursday and we will celebrate Christmas together. Hotel booking done, flight tickets bought, swimsuits packed. I just forgot one thing: tell my boss I'll be on leave till next week. He gave me a new project. The deadline is next monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 516

You deserved it 38 664

Slasher

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 08:01 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, I made some burritos when a photo frame fell and smashed over my pan. I'm pretty broke so I thought I got all the glass out of the meat and ate some. I reheated the meat for dinner too and well, I found the glass that time... FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 800

By Whatthehell - 21/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 948

You deserved it 2 459

By Anonymous - 20/08/2012 12:12 - United States - Worcester

Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 297

You deserved it 5 898

By Anonymous - 15/03/2015 17:54 - United States - Brandon

Today, at Walmart, I overheard a lady telling a teenage girl that the secret to keeping a guy for life is giving him anal, but that it's important to clean your "shitter" beforehand. I can't believe these kinds of sick freaks actually exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 989

You deserved it 9 933

Hungry boi

By jesstracy - 04/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 809

You deserved it 1 139

By NotDrunk - 04/04/2015 00:42 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I was pulled over by a policeman. He thought I was drunk, after doing the "walk in a straight line" test and the "finger-to-nose" test. It wasn't until after I got a fine that I got it through to him that I have cerebellar ataxia, and that I wasn't drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 937

You deserved it 2 593

One step forward, two steps back.

By MJF - 24/01/2018 15:00

Today, my boss thanked me for all my hard work and promised me a raise and a promotion. Shortly thereafter, she sent out a memo announcing she'd sold the company. The new owner immediately came in to "restructure." I got demoted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 307

You deserved it 229

By washed - 11/10/2009 23:30 - United States

Today, I learned that my boyfriend hides valuables in the washing machine under dirty clothes when leaving town for the weekend. I learned this AFTER I'd done a load of laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 972

You deserved it 3 366

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 626

You deserved it 25 442

By dummy441 - 21/04/2009 03:14 - United States

Today, when I was walking in to the grocery store, a van pulls up and a bunch of guys get out who look really drunk. I jokingly said to the sober-looking man who had driven the van "Sucks you have to be the designated driver!" Turns out the "Drunk" guys were actually mentally challenged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 751

You deserved it 68 083

By awkward - 06/11/2013 21:16 - Canada - Okotoks

Today, at a grocery store, a man came up to me while I was picking out apples and whispered in my ear, "That's how Snow White died." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 494

You deserved it 4 297

By "Jam2019" - 15/02/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 228

By sdauner - 01/03/2010 21:55 - United States

Today, I found a $100 bill on the ground and was thinking, "I'm so lucky!!" I opened my wallet to find that $300 was missing. I looked back and saw some guy picking up $300. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 156

You deserved it 7 064

No one likes a smart-ass

By Anonymous - 13/04/2020 08:00

Today, I accidentally stumbled on a method of getting my job done in about a third of the time, so my boss made it mandatory for all employees. Unfortunately, my coworkers now can't slack off pretending jobs take 2-3 hours, and their constant petty revenge bullying is driving me mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 151

You deserved it 849

By tubby - 21/06/2012 20:28 - Sweden - Karlskrona

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 258

You deserved it 3 604

Anticlimactic

By Ray - 31/12/2020 16:58

Today, my boyfriend told me I'm the best lay of his life. I really wish I could say the same about him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 858

You deserved it 293

By Joel_28 - 01/03/2010 00:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the physician to check my rear because it was hurting. My usual doctor wasn't available, so he was replaced by a gorgeous woman with big cleavage. when she asked me to pull down my pants, she saw that I had a huge hard on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 438

You deserved it 20 540

By whaleninjapoop - 06/12/2012 08:24 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 561

You deserved it 5 977

By Anonymous - 25/11/2014 20:15 - United States

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 854

You deserved it 3 107

By apowell5 - 02/10/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor to try and get answers about the numbness and tingling in my right leg. The Dr told me I was too fat for my pants, and I pinched a nerve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 559

You deserved it 40 488

By beagle1 - 03/04/2012 15:10 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I met separately with the President and Chairman of the company regarding a product that I'm designing. Each ordered me to do the opposite of whatever the other instructed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 120

You deserved it 2 377

By WonderWall09 - 08/05/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 683

You deserved it 4 772

By All the ills - 15/02/2016 20:32 - United States - Geneva

Today, I was miserable with a cold. So I ordered soup and noodles from a new Chinese restaurant. Now I am miserable with a cold and food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 975

You deserved it 2 241

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 619

You deserved it 2 232

By FYLyfer - 26/10/2009 21:34 - United States

Today, while at Wendy's with my boyfriend, I realized that he made more pleasure sounds when eating his Baconator than he did while sleeping with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 942

You deserved it 5 579

By thankful - 27/11/2018 22:00

Today, I was tripped downstairs as a "joke" by my little brother. When I was yelling in pain from my broken arm, my mom was lecturing me to be thankful "one goddamn day a year". She also thinks I'm lying just to hide that I'm clumsy and my brother is innocent. He won't admit it. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 178

You deserved it 175

That's not how that works, it's not how anything works

By Ariane - 26/09/2021 14:00

Today, in France, a "Vaccine Pass" is needed to do most things. Some family members came to visit, but as they aren't vaccinated they usually just stay home. They told us that we're dangerous, because we carry "millions of viruses" from the vaccine, and it will be our fault if they get Covid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 155

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 216

You deserved it 219

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Top comments

DanielleSaysHell 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:32

say fuck you dad and hop out of the car

Inspired22 11

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:34

Well, it's better to have your dad pissed at you than to be dead! He'll get over it. I don't think he'd get over being dead, though.

DanielleSaysHell 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:32

say fuck you dad and hop out of the car

ariannaa_fml 17

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:45

Maybe he was making a point as to which driver had the bigger balls by seeing who would get out of the way first?

reallytho3 11

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:45

And fall out of a moving vehicle and ran over by multiple cars... Tht couldnt POSSIBLY go wrong -.-

jake1632 9

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:49

And then I'll show you my penis.

icyfire617 10

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:55

20: you have problems 0_o

tybtab 5

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Saturday 6 August 2011 2:13

ydi for grabbing the wheel

2ndSucks 15

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Saturday 6 August 2011 3:31

20- I dont think any of us want to see. But nice try kiddo.

LordGoober 13

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Saturday 6 August 2011 3:36

Maybe if it existed he could show someone.

adorkablenerd 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 3:38

26: Yeah, only Jesus should take the wheel!

Crncj 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 4:10

More like interfered with him dieing...

BowingArrow 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 4:35

Hop out...? It'd be more dramatic if you jumped out the window and dusted yourself off after impact.

2ndSucks 15

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Saturday 6 August 2011 5:09

Duck n' roll!

sexylegs17 5

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Saturday 6 August 2011 6:10

He interfered with your safety , so you have the right to interfere with his driving.

sexylegs17 5

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Saturday 6 August 2011 6:57

Ok guys I know this is irrelevant, but my twin and I are staying over my friends house and were leaving tomorrow , my friend is mad at me because I didn't fight my mom when she told my twin and I that we were leaving tomorrow, she is mad because when she sleeps over , she stays for like a week and we have only been here for three days. However, the drive from our house to her house is 2 hours, and my mom Is coming down to south jersey anyways so she thought she should pick us up, and my twin and I didn't want to make her drive the two hours again if She's already coming tomorrow. On the other hand , our friends mom has offered to drive us back two days from now because she has work near our home. Please help me out guys , and post a comment , thank you so much (:

juicedboi 7

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Saturday 6 August 2011 7:20

Shouldn't hijack threads, and my advice is to stop caring so much about unimportant things. If you can't talk your mum yourself, then you wont get what you're after.

Cereal_Is_Good 5

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Saturday 6 August 2011 7:20

Just don't grab the steering wheel and you should be fine.

YessyxD 8

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Saturday 6 August 2011 8:21

83- Just go with your mom.... Moms know best! (:

mahomie97 7

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Saturday 6 August 2011 8:43

couldn't of said it any better myself, bro(:

superangryandy 2

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Saturday 6 August 2011 19:31

Oh shit, this is like Final Destination and Death is angry and will get you back!

DanielleSaysHell 0

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Thursday 11 August 2011 7:25

toché

HahaNoGoAway 11

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Monday 11 August 2014 5:46

Honestly she probably accidentally made him feel less of a man or embarrassed him.

Inspired22 11

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:34

Well, it's better to have your dad pissed at you than to be dead! He'll get over it. I don't think he'd get over being dead, though.

IAmNotAnAnimal 9

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Saturday 6 August 2011 2:50

OP, I like your username.

atthegates 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 17:48

Fuck him...just be stoked u saved ur life

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:35

Maybe you should hit him in the face ad show him what interferring with his driving really is.

ifailplzinsultme 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 2:18

and*

sandyandellie 5

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Saturday 6 August 2011 6:15

hells yes.

mynameis1339 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:36

You did interfere, I'd be pissed to because that embarrassing to.

physicist48 0

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Saturday 6 August 2011 4:03

Pay attention so you don't get into a head on collision then.

sxe_beast 11

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Saturday 6 August 2011 5:01

Lets see... Be embarrassed or be dead or seriously injured? Get over yourself douche.

Cereal_Is_Good 5

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Saturday 6 August 2011 7:22

Dying is pretty embarrassing when it is easily preventable.

russianspy1234 11

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Saturday 6 August 2011 1:36

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

laupow89 4

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Saturday 6 August 2011 2:19

Yeah, that's a very convenient hypothetical... Except that dad apparently had no intention of turning the wheel since the OP only turned the wheel at the last second. Give me a break.

fatraptorjesus13 9

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Saturday 6 August 2011 2:24

yeah...my dad has done this twice...the first time I kept us from going off a 20ft cliff over the ocean he said he saw it so the second time I let him and we ended up upside-down in a ditch.....so your point is completely invalid in OPs situation

roobear 2

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Saturday 6 August 2011 3:47

OP could easily be overreacting about what "about to get in an accident" means. The problem is that unless we were there, we cannot know what's really happening. If OP overreacted AT ALL, she did a COLOSSALLY bad thing and placed both of their lives in danger when they otherwise were not. if OP is not overreacting at all, then she did a fine thing. However this is the kind of thing where you need to be ABSOLUTELY SURE before you grab the wheel from another driver. I do not sympathize with the OP at all. Don't touch another driver's wheel.

hannahtaskey 9

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Saturday 6 August 2011 4:06

So #5, let me get this straight. If you were about to die in a collision and you had a chance to save two people's lives, you'd sit there and do nothing so you wouldn't "interfere" with someone's driving? Dumbass.