Miscellaneous: Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce...

By Selina - 22/06/2013 22:59 - United States - Trenton

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 716

You deserved it 5 311

Miscellaneous

You tried

Tock follow tick follows tock…

Being multilingual sucks sometimes

Spooky

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 04:01

Today, I went to visit an ex-boyfriend in New York and slept at his place. In the night, while he was asleep, I had to pee really bad so I went to their one bathroom and found his mom passed out asleep on the toilet, leading me to pee my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 915

You deserved it 178

My eyes!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 18:01 - Canada

Today, I was on the phone with an Apple advisor, who helped me back up data to my computer using remote assistance. As we did, every file transferred showed up with a real-time preview. All of a sudden, the nude selfies I forgot about rolled in. He immediately shouted, “OH WOW.” It wasn’t a good “wow” either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 843

By fmypaint - 14/10/2009 09:31 - United States

Today, I was vigorously putting primer on my canvas for a beginning painting class. I accidentally sprayed specks of primer on the very dark painting to the right of mine. The painter is in an advanced class. She's been working on this one all semester. There's no one to her right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 572

You deserved it 35 226

By Anonymous - 16/11/2013 21:40 - United States - Blain

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 300

You deserved it 3 102

By zevil - 18/11/2008 16:54 - Peru

Today, I had a date with a girl. Wanting to make a good impression, I spend a lot of time getting ready and by the time I get to the place we were supposed to meet she isn't there anymore. I call her to see where she is. She's in bed with another guy and says "I was REALLY waiting for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 721

You deserved it 9 675

By imustbegay - 09/05/2010 14:20 - United States

Today, I was buying condoms for my girlfriend and myself. While at the checkout counter, my guy friend sees me, runs to me, puts his arm around me, kisses me on the cheek, then yells "Thank you baby!" There were about twenty people behind me, they all gave me dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 248

You deserved it 10 355

By thefuckman - 14/09/2012 19:50 - United States

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise, fresh coffee, and a bleached lawn. My neighbors on both sides have constantly fought with each other since before I even moved in, which I guess explains the note taped to my window saying, "Pick a side." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 475

You deserved it 1 592

By HousemateHorror - 20/11/2017 19:00

Today, I walked into my dorm to find the guy I have feelings for sleeping with my roommate. I signed a lease with them for next year and can't back out now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 181

You deserved it 554

By Dreadge - 15/01/2010 19:37 - Israel

Today, I went to an amusement park with my family. A couple of cute girls started talking to me, telling me how much they liked my dreads. Seeing this, my mother stepped up next to me, patted me on the shoulder, and said, "This here is my little baby, treat him nicely!" Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 748

You deserved it 4 571

By fuckfuck - 31/01/2014 18:46 - United States - Fort Smith

Today, on my first day at my new job delivering mail, I was yelled at by a guy, who threatened to shoot me if I "trespassed" on his property. He made me toss his mail toward his porch from the street, before telling me to get lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 267

You deserved it 3 342

Infrastructure bill

By Anonymous - 12/11/2021 02:00

Today, I ran over a pothole that was so small it barely qualified as a hole, more like a dent than a hole, but somehow it was still enough to completely crack the rim of my tyre and made me 3 hours late to work. I get paid by the hour, so this will hurt by paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 840

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 15/09/2014 18:48 - United Kingdom - Liverpool

Today, I took a shit of biblical proportions. I flushed and opened a window, but my pregnant wife went in straight after me. Her morning sickness kicked in and she quickly ran out, vomit dripping from her mouth. She's pissed and thinks I planned the whole thing as a prank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 983

You deserved it 4 351

By Hank-T4 - 11/10/2015 11:45 - Australia - Truganina

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 087

You deserved it 46 561

The old switcheroo

By Anonymous - 09/12/2020 11:09

Today, I was supposed to close on a house. Unfortunately, our lender decided that they couldn't finance us and denied us a loan, after 3 months of us digging up paperwork, saving money, and packing. Now we have to scramble to find a new place, while our insane landlady screams at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 54

Age ain't nothing but a number

By Anonymous - 19/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was asked for ID to purchase decorative scissors. I was buying them to make my wedding decorations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 161

By Rusty - 03/07/2015 19:02 - United States - New City

Today, I found out that my parents secretly throw away any food I cook for them, because they think I might try to poison them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 970

You deserved it 2 650

Early show

By Anonymous - 26/01/2020 20:00

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 433

You deserved it 489

By Anonymous - 04/01/2011 09:01 - New Zealand

Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 974

You deserved it 10 280

By Anonymous - 14/02/2011 17:15 - Belgium

Today, I found out that the candy bracelet my sister gave me a few days ago was actually a candy cock ring she'd used on her boyfriend just a few hours prior. Apparently, she didn't like the taste. I however, did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 703

You deserved it 4 860

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 08:34 - United Kingdom - Bromsgrove

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 388

You deserved it 1 883

By Reaper - 22/02/2009 10:01 - South Africa

Today, after weeks of agonising, I told my best friend (who I am madly in love with) that I love her. She said: "me too, you're like a brother and a best girlfriend rolled into one!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 694

You deserved it 5 035

By son - 18/03/2010 11:15 - Israel

Today, my mom told me that she doesn't want me to help any of my friends get a job at the restaurant I work at. Apparently, she thinks that they would do a better job than me and get me fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 169

You deserved it 4 259

By ~JESSICA~ - 11/09/2010 06:19 - United States

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 824

You deserved it 3 590

By nycplywood - 18/11/2009 21:01 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare at your cat and her eyes suddenly get really big, it means she's going to maul your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 372

You deserved it 32 018

By Kourou - 21/11/2008 12:53 - France

Today, I went to rent a DVD with my 85-year-old grandpa. I was walking around and then realized I was alone. I looked for him for quite a while until I finally found him open-mouthed in the porn section. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 134

You deserved it 3 008

Weird reason to leave, but OK

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 04:01

Today, I moved out a few weeks ago because I was sick of my husband not helping around the house, and told him he’d never manage without me. I checked today while he was at work. The house is the cleanest I’ve ever seen it; apparently he doesn’t need me and most of the mess was actually mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 2 872

By Vkaz - 02/10/2014 18:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 074

You deserved it 3 125

By ash - 18/05/2016 20:00 - United States - Winnebago

Today, I went shopping on my only day off. The only aisle open was self-checkout. I'm a cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 918

You deserved it 1 751

By fuck no - 22/08/2015 10:18 - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 077

You deserved it 7 995

Get on with it!

By Crapped - 10/06/2021 20:01

Today, I shat myself, all because my little sister spent two hours trying to make a Tik Tok video in the one bathroom we have in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 131

By Anonymous - 17/02/2016 13:16 - Canada - Brossard

Today, I sent an email to my teacher asking if a source was a primary source, he replied yes. I got my grade back for my essay and it was worse than I expected. My teacher said it was because I didn't use a primary source. I showed him the email, to which he replied, "Well, I was wrong in the email." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 435

You deserved it 1 777

By JazzyandAlice - 20/09/2009 06:06 - United States

Today, I went to babysit eight kids under the age of ten, all by myself. After five hours of Hell, the parents finally came back from the ASU game. I got paid $5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 881

You deserved it 7 118

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 19:29 - United States

Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 012

You deserved it 37 590

By supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - 11/08/2016 08:33 - Australia - Maida Vale

Today, my car broke down on my way home from university. I tried calling for help, only to realise my phone had completely run out of charge. Luckily, I had passed a police station so I decided to walk the 10 minutes down the road to ask for a phone. When I got there, the station was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 142

You deserved it 1 007

By Anonymous - 09/02/2016 23:21 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had to give up going to a therapist because it was too expensive and my parents couldn't afford it. Meanwhile, a girl in my class is getting a therapist for her dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 902

You deserved it 1 676

By Faluna - 17/02/2011 21:27 - Sweden

Today, I found out that the mysterious yellow mould that won't come off my apartment floor is in fact the remains of a condom my room-mate used when she was f*cking her boyfriend in my bed. Afterwards, she apparently threw it on the floor and let it lie there. For three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 166

You deserved it 4 192

By Anonymous - 24/01/2014 21:02 - United Kingdom - Broxburn

Today, my mum decided that having the flu and being too lazy to go upstairs to the bathroom is a valid excuse to shit in a jug instead. 5ML

I agree, your life sucks 44 940

You deserved it 3 587

By dangit - 11/09/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 970

You deserved it 14 177

Make believe

By SN MetalMilitia - 03/11/2020 05:02

Today, I once again bought condoms at the gas station to make the people who work there think that I have a sex life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 1 183

By noname - 09/12/2008 02:03 - France

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 569

You deserved it 5 427

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Top comments

dinosxxrawr 22

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:01

he's seen you at your worst. it can only get better from here.

SH4D0WS1N 3

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Sunday 23 June 2013 9:59

He might have enjoyed the pajama part for all you know.

SH4D0WS1N 3

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Sunday 23 June 2013 9:59

He might have enjoyed the pajama part for all you know.

LeeCards 8

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:03

It could have been worse. Dad could have invited the neighbor in right as OP got out of a shower instead.

iLike2Teabag 27

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:07

Why would that be worse? She would be clean, at least.

Screwie 25

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:14

Depends: Does OP get to wear a towel in this situation? If OP is naked right after they meet, it's surely worse. I doubt the dad will allow that, though. My spidey senses say so.

Ameel_fml 19

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:50

I don't know...if OP is hot, being naked and freshly showered might have worked out perfectly for her. :D

mn_shr 22

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Sunday 23 June 2013 14:01

I never understand when people complain that someone saw them in pajamas. I look just as nice in my pajamas as anything else I wear. Rock those pj's OP

EnterSandman_fml 20

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Sunday 23 June 2013 17:23

Hell, my girlfriend looks damn good in her Hello Kitty pajamas lol. She even grocery shops in them. If someone is going to find you attractive, they will no matter if you're in pajamas and fuzzy slippers or the classic little black dress.

dreamsneverfall 8

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Sunday 23 June 2013 20:10

Either way, OP lives next to the guy. He has plenty of time to figure out what she normally looks like.

Ali_Br_fml 33

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Monday 24 June 2013 16:08

That's true 65, but some are shallow and take first impressions to heart. He may start to unconsciously judge her every time he sees her based on that initial meeting. Hopefully OP can change her image in his head. I think it was a ploy on her father's part. He knew the neighbor was cute, and that his daughter was going to be into him, but didn't want that to happen, so he set her up... But I'm just really cynical... ;)

KeeLady 20

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:00

What timing! Sorry OP.

Rozza17 29

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:06

I hate it when people come around unexpected. Half the time I'm in my pajamas haha.

MeLikeBigBoom 8

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:21

Yeah but probably half the time you have showered within 2 days.

xBethanyC 15

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Sunday 23 June 2013 23:43

Hey at least they were BOTH poorly prepared

dinosxxrawr 22

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Sunday 23 June 2013 10:01

he's seen you at your worst. it can only get better from here.

emilyjgraham 34

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Sunday 23 June 2013 11:10

That's what I was thinking! Next time he sees you might be when you're dressed up a bit to go somewhere. He'll notice the difference (and hopefully like it)!