Miscellaneous: Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute...

By potatoes - 17/01/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute of waltzing to a song on the radio, he stepped away and said, "You smell bad. You need to take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 258

You deserved it 30 860

Miscellaneous

Walk the line

Medicare for all, please

Where were you?

By florisvanlent - 12/02/2009 16:17 - Netherlands

Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 530

You deserved it 56 206

By Grrrr! - 23/04/2011 14:19 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to hunt Easter eggs before we have sex. I'm glad he has his priorities straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 929

You deserved it 10 896

No thanks

By Anonymous - 26/02/2020 20:00

Today, I ask the guy that I like if he want to go to lunch tomorrow at a local restaurant. He answer that he doesn't like their food. I think that's is a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 515

You deserved it 300

By loveeyou. - 08/02/2010 08:00 - France

Today, I realized the only reason I watched the SuperBowl is because Justin Bieber tweeted about it. I don't even like football. I had no idea what was going on the whole game. All I knew was who I was cheering for, because Justin Bieber tweeted who he was cheering for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 296

You deserved it 86 489

By anonymous - 03/02/2011 05:17

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 144

You deserved it 6 423

By liz - 21/06/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 127

You deserved it 15 147

By igiveup - 21/12/2012 03:31 - Australia - Sydney

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 913

You deserved it 3 903

By superman21 - 28/09/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 233

You deserved it 6 537

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 01:12 - United States

Today, while on a cruise that I paid for, I was forced to babysit my 5 bratty nieces while my sister and her deadbeat boyfriend relaxed in the kid free zone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 380

You deserved it 5 341

By Emyka - 21/09/2016 10:51 - Austria

Today, at my job of 2 months, I'd taken it upon myself to water the plants around the office every day since they all looked a little sad. My boss then asked why so many of the fake plants were getting mouldy. My co-workers had watched me water plastic plants for 2 months and nobody bothered to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 284

You deserved it 6 633

You went too far

By Dia - 02/05/2021 05:01

Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 980

By TheBaconater - 03/02/2013 16:22 - United States - Baraboo

Today, I woke up to a voice-mail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 597

You deserved it 2 224

By sad - 24/04/2009 08:18 - United States

Today, I met a really cute guy at work. He asked for my number, and I wrote it down on a piece of paper. After looking at the paper, he crumpled it up, yelled "Do you think I'm stupid? I know the rejection hotline when I see it", and walked away. It was my real phone number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 164

You deserved it 3 943

By Anonymous - 19/02/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 995

You deserved it 2 788

By pda - 25/08/2013 02:46 - United States - Short Hills

Today, I was at an amusement park with my kids, when a girl in line next to us slipped a hand down her boyfriend's pants and started groping him. I politely asked her to stop, to which she snorted, "Why? Your kids've gotta learn the birds and bees somehow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 059

You deserved it 4 678

By ithinkimturningjapanese - 06/08/2015 08:33 - United States - Apo

Today, I was diagnosed with food poisoning for the third time since moving to this base in Japan. My husband keeps cooking questionable meat and vegetables from the commissary because he thinks the food from a Japanese grocery store is radioactive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 711

You deserved it 2 113

Nosebleed

By bloody good time - 23/11/2019 05:00

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, and he slid his hand up near my face too fast and ended up clocking me in the nose. It is the first time that I have ever had nosebleed while orgasming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 047

You deserved it 223

Who dis? New phone

By Sexting - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend's phone was stolen. I have no idea who I've been sexting the entire afternoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 583

You deserved it 9 338

By baldspot - 02/04/2012 05:38 - Australia

Today, my daughter decided to wake me up by putting the vacuum in my hair and turning it on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 915

You deserved it 2 852

By Jamestown of Vagina - 13/09/2014 14:36 - United States - Houston

Today, I had an important oral report to deliver with a partner. Not only did he come in late and high, he pronounced Virginia as "Vagina" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 600

You deserved it 3 709

By Midge - 16/03/2010 23:03 - United States

Today, as I was pulling out of the school parking lot I was blasting my music and feeling pretty awesome, I got a few honks and felt even cooler. Until some lady pulled up next to me and told me I had left my binder on the roof and all my papers were all over the road behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 165

You deserved it 44 024

Grow up

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 07:02

Today, my son rejected a job offer because it interferes with the streaming schedule of some Twitch dirtbag. He's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 906

You deserved it 170

High expectations

By Anonymous - 29/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was super flattered to find out that one of my former white collar colleagues recommended me for a job. It wasn’t until the phone interview that I realized it was at the lunch counter at her new office building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 74

Parenting done right

By Anonymous - 25/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband was surprised to learn that I am planning on celebrating our daughter's first day at school. He is now pissed that we did not "decide on this together." Who doesn't celebrate their child's first school day? FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 366

By blower - 11/04/2011 04:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 753

You deserved it 9 273

By Anonymous - 25/07/2019 06:01

Today, after 6 months abroad, I finally got home to the airport at 5 a.m. where my parents were supposed to be picking me up. I called my mother to let her know I'd landed. She picked up with a sleepy voice and asked, "Who is this?" I'm an only child and we live 2 hours away from the airport. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 536

You deserved it 136

By Anonymous - 22/06/2014 20:06 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, I was at the reading of my grandma's will. Apparently I was removed from it some time ago, and the £2,500 I would have gotten went to my cheating bitch of an ex-fiancée. It seems my grandma adored her, and never forgave me for "driving her away" from the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 060

You deserved it 5 210

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 629

You deserved it 5 032

By floff - 19/09/2017 04:30

Today, I broke a toe. It was not too bad and I can still walk, but the doctors had to tape it to the next toe to help it heal. Turns out I am allergic to the glue on the tape. The pain of the blisters covering two toes and the itch is worst than the break. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 455

You deserved it 217

By Sarah - 17/08/2012 07:45 - Canada - Penhold

Today, my house got broken into. They just made a mess. I saw a note on the kitchen table that read "There's nothing good here. You have shitty stuff." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 048

You deserved it 3 047

By Wtfbro - 24/12/2013 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 953

You deserved it 5 777

By pubes - 18/03/2010 01:55 - United States

Today, I came back to my room and sat down at my desk to find pile short, curly hairs on it. Neither me or my roommate have curly hair, and it isn't mine. I think he trimmed his pubes over my desk and forgot to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 395

You deserved it 2 959

By mugs - 12/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 539

You deserved it 23 915

By Anonymous - 03/12/2011 18:11 - United States

Today, while I was putting up Christmas lights, my younger brother wouldn't stop pestering me. It seems he hadn't forgotten the time I gave myself an electric shock last year, and he wanted to see if I'd do it again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 3 565

By Anonymous - 24/11/2017 05:00

Today, I got my septum piercing stuck in a bag of cinnamon pine cones at Target. My boyfriend was wearing a red shirt with khaki pants, so all the other shoppers thought I had to call a Target employee over to "cut" me out of the bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 675

You deserved it 1 483

By crazystuff23 - 01/06/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 598

You deserved it 5 815

By keenan - 19/09/2010 23:55 - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 964

You deserved it 5 179

By Holly - 05/02/2010 07:33 - United States

Today, I lied to the treadmill about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 758

You deserved it 35 202

By carsuck - 11/11/2009 05:55 - United States

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 300

You deserved it 4 141

By helpless_soul - 29/08/2011 04:27 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 014

You deserved it 50 421

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Top comments

CaptainCola 7

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:07

Just be like "it's your breath, stop talking and maybe it will stop smelling so bad around here..ooohhh burn!!" Eh I got nothing...

luismyl 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:05

Hey he is being honest

luismyl 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:05

Hey he is being honest

cheesypies 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:24

You can always count on parents to be blunt.

Suchagoonnn 4

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:24

A minute? That means he was tolerating the smell for that long. He's so polite

DrMime 10

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:25

If OP's name is any indicator, I'd suggest eating less potatoes. Or perhaps shower after harvesting in the farm!

BarDownDaily 12

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:30

Better him telling you then someone else!

Jonkbaby 21

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 11:52

if you are a man he should know what a man smells like. if you are woman, time to bring the pain

xXPurpl3Xx 0

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 15:32

You heard the man, take a shower. Not that hard :P

shift_love 13

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 16:00

58, why would a father dance with his son? Unless it was perhaps a 2 father family.

KaySL 24

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 20:27

Maybe because not everyone's as insecure in their sexuality as you are, ya twat.

PeypeyTheBeeotch 1

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 6:29

"I'd rather smell bad than like dad..." [:Problem?:]

antart3 18

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:07

How did this get past moderation??

CaptainCola 7

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:07

Just be like "it's your breath, stop talking and maybe it will stop smelling so bad around here..ooohhh burn!!" Eh I got nothing...

DrMime 10

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:30

Neither do 'eye' ='( *OP's name* If you eat them, you'll understand.

CaptainCola 7

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:40

Eye-See what you did there DrMime Respect.

Climaxx 11

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 11:19

Aw, I don't get it, & google won't tell me ):

Climaxx 11

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 11:23

Oh wait, nevermind.. Typed too soon -.-

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:08

It's called deodorant op. works wonders.

tweetbaby14 18

Tuesday 17 January 2012 11:19

Your picture works pretty well with your comment and the FML.

Annies 17

Friday 30 July 2021 5:32

Deodorant doesn’t always work...

maddyyghee 6

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:09

Ouch :/ sucks to hear that frm someone so close too u

smelly_turtle 2

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:12

Literally.

jonriise18 3

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:20

True. However it's much better to find out from a family member when you're home than to go out in public with all that stank!

BeaterOfTheDrums 15

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 10:18

Even worse is being told you have morning breath.

AssassinsCRB 0

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 4:17

Rather it a stranger?

MathewBlack 14

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Saturday 16 June 2012 12:39

Sucks to hear it from anyone..

RockstarRN 10

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 9:09

Better to hear it from him than a stranger!

nathanc3433 7

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Tuesday 17 January 2012 10:57

Yup honesty is the best policy

BlueHue 0

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Wednesday 18 January 2012 15:11

I agree with honesty, it's always nice to know what someone really thinks, as long as they are sensitive about it and not doing it with malicious intent. I'd rather know I smell bad so I can fix it than not knowing and make everybody have to smell me, then possibly talk about me behind my back...