Today, my dad was completely engrossed in a football game on TV, so, trying to be cute and funny, my mom flashed him. He didn't notice, but I did. FML

Take the L

Today, I got a text from my mom that said, "Your dad and I are so proud of you." Sweet, right? It was meant for my brother. FML

Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML

Today, I was with my dad at the supermarket and this guy was checking me out. My dad yells at him with a grin, "I know! I make beautiful babies!" FML

TMI

Today, my mom wished me a "Happy Conception Day." FML

Today, my dad told me he had been seeing someone for a while and has decided to marry her. When I met her, her son looked familiar. I lost my virginity to him. FML

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

Great joke Dad, thanks

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

Stay classy

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML