Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football....

By hawaiianlovechild - 29/11/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, my dad and I were watching Hawaii play the Navy in football. I cheered when Hawaii won. My dad turns to me and says, "You know your mother and I concieved you there?" Thanks Dad. FML

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Intimacy

Work name

Nice neighborhood

Fairytale ending

By passedoutpolly - 1/8/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I went to a huge rock concert. While waiting in a half a mile long line to get in, I passed out due to the heat. I regained consciousness to hear about a hundred people yelling and trying to help me. My boyfriend, who I went with, was not one of them. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/6/2019 22:14

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

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By UnicornPancake - 25/4/2018 15:00

Today, I had to dress like a diva for a drama performance and my friend said I looked like a hooker. Then someone said, “If hookers looked like that, they wouldn't get any money." FML

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By glowstick - 30/6/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

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By DLS - 18/2/2010 18:05 - United States

Today, I realised I know the map on World of Warcraft better than the map of my own country. FML

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By Spoilicious - 5/11/2012 15:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was reading a book in public. Some bastard stranger came over and started spoiling the plot for me. FML

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By pinks - 2/9/2009 02:17 - United States

Today, when my son woke up from his nap, he sleepily reached up. I picked him up and gave him a big hug, and he immediately pushed me away. He wasn't reaching for me, he was reaching for the bag of chips on the table next to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2012 05:25 - United States - North Bergen

Today, I went to a river near my house. They have several swing ropes that you grab and then jump into the river. As I was about to let go of the rope, my leg got tangled and I was held underwater. My mom watched and laughed for a while before she came to help me. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2013 04:41 - United States - Greeley

Today, I enlisted in the military. My dad now finds it necessary to act like a drill sergeant. This includes yelling at me everywhere we go to prepare me for basic training. Training begins in four months. FML

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By Mika_Ookami - 21/2/2010 17:54 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friends. A pretty redhead came on the screen. One of my guy friends leaned over to me and said, "Have you noticed there aren't any pretty redheads in real life?" I guess he forgot what color my hair is. FML

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By doubledown - 4/6/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I went to the bar I go to every week. My favorite bartender told me I owed $50 for a tab because the waiter screwed up and undercharged me. The tab was from when my friends bought me drinks to cheer me up because my girlfriend moved away. I ended up paying for my own drinks plus theirs. FML

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By Imaginary girlfriend - 21/9/2009 04:16 - France

Today, I found out that my whole family thinks my girlfriend is imaginary. I sent her a text in front of them telling her that. She never responded. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/5/2019 00:00

Today, my anxiety has been so bad, I have had vivid dreams of my boyfriend of 6 months cheating on me. This is not the first time these dreams have happened, and I know for a fact he is not cheating. My anxiety is going to turn me into the crazy girlfriend from hell. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/2/2014 15:40 - United States

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2011 22:58 - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

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By shampoomice - 7/8/2013 16:34 - United States - La Porte

Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/1/2012 22:13 - Denmark

Today, I saw a naked man for the first time in my life. It was the nude model in my art class. I was forced to draw wrinkles and fat rolls in places I didn't even know existed. FML

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By daddy's girl - 22/1/2013 04:08 - United States - Springfield

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. FML

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By Goody2shoes - 21/7/2010 16:08 - India

Today, my mom found my pack of cigarettes. She's now making me go to rehab. I had only smoked one cigarette ever just to try it. I didn't even like it. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 05:00

Water, water, everywhere

Today, I learned that taking a shower right before your house starts flooding is the human equivalent to washing your car right before it starts raining. Only much worse. FML

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By Susan - 23/8/2009 17:08 - United States

Today, I was driving my car and I thought the construction guy was flirting and waving at me. So I drove by him, waving back and hit an oil spill and my car ended up spinning out of control. He was trying to direct me away from the oil spill. FML

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By chunky monkey - 14/3/2016 18:26 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend of a year and a half informed me that he had "accepted" my stomach, even though it didn't conform to his "preference" for a flat stomach. He then added that his acceptance doesn't extend to my "chunky thighs". FML

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By randinosaur - 13/3/2011 12:48 - United States

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

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By broooooock - 16/7/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, it dawned on me that I've been married for 6 months, but because of the Army I've spent only around 12 days total with my wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2009 09:23 - United States

Today, I tried to be sexy and put a condom on with my mouth. Instead, I inhaled it and my boyfriend broke three of my ribs giving me the Heimlich maneuver. FML

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By imeanreallytho - 11/9/2015 16:20 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom at work. The lock on the stall door broke, and I couldn't open it. I was all alone and I started having a mini panic attack. After several minutes of frantically trying to fix the lock and hyperventilating, I realized I could just crawl under the door. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/6/2013 22:48 - United States - South Salem

Today, my sister came to stay with me in my apartment for the last few weeks of her difficult pregnancy. However she didn't tell me she was bringing her two dogs, her jackass of a husband, my bratty nephew and an inflatable kiddie pool so she could have a natural water birth in my living room. FML

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By marriedwithfamily - 30/6/2009 00:57 - United States

Today, I went on my honeymoon to Hawaii. My family decided to surprise my new husband and I by joining us on our vacation. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/5/2009 11:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. FML

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By athletiks - 26/3/2014 22:39 - United States - Pullman

Today, someone on Instagram posted a picture of himself with gym lifting straps around his neck. I commented "autoerotic asphyxiation" and now a 250-pound bodybuilder wants to kill me. FML

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By helloitsbrian6969 - 24/5/2009 19:50 - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2010 04:11 - United States

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

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By ohgodwhy - 18/9/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, my school voted for a Pokémon theme for this year's homecoming. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2015 20:43 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was playing Monopoly with my extended family. When my wife came home, she kicked me out of the game and took all my money and property. When I said she couldn't do that, she said "Sure I can. It's called divorce." Everyone laughed. Now I'm bored as hell, watching everyone else play. FML

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By 1fungi - 7/12/2010 05:25

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

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By all by myself - 14/4/2014 23:34 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I decided to go to a therapy group to help with my anxiety and to meet people who felt similar. I joked with my friend that no one would turn up as people might feel anxious about going. I was right. I was the only one there. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2009 04:55 - United States

Today, my mom told me I was worthless and could not do anything by myself. Determined to prove her wrong I attempted to install the AC that I had neglected to put in for the past month. While placing it on the window it fell through landing on her prized roses and breaking into pieces. FML

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By flop of shame - 17/8/2019 16:00

Today, I was walking into work holding a coffee and a bunch of other things. My employee saw me and held the door. I was almost there when I dropped my coffee, tried to catch it, tripped over the curb and fell flat on my face. I heard the door close while still lying there. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/8/2009 23:33 - United States

Today, I snuck into my boyfriend's house because I have an extra key. I snuck into his bed with sleep with him and noticed how soft his skin was. Turns out I had been feeling up the girl he was sleeping with and he was in the bathroom. FML

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By igotpride - 9/12/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I woke up and coughed up the spider I thought I'd killed last night. FML

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Top comments

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#694496 - Sunday 29 November 2009 13:27

why is this a FML ?

By Moeey | 0

#694417 - Sunday 29 November 2009 12:12

Aloha?

COMMENTS

By Burakuman | 0

#694413 - Sunday 29 November 2009 12:09

owned.

By Moeey | 0

#694417 - Sunday 29 November 2009 12:12

Aloha?

kiki122012 | 5

#4239790 - Saturday 31 March 2012 5:41

That's what I was gonna say!

By Major_General | 10

#694463 - Sunday 29 November 2009 12:55

Your Dad's a Navy fan, eh?

perdix | 29

#694796 - Sunday 29 November 2009 17:13

I'd think Dad would be a big fan of Hawaii, unless the kid turned out to be a real shit, then Hawaii would be known as the volcanic wasteland that spew Satan's spawn!

By QTp13 | 10

#694490 - Sunday 29 November 2009 13:23

That's nothing. My mom and dad informed me that I was conceived on the 25th of December. Christmas is an awkward day for me O.O

By Bloodknight | 22

#694492 - Sunday 29 November 2009 13:24

This is in no way an FML! I was conceived 35,000 ft in the air, big whoop! Get over yourself...

omghehehe | 0

#695822 - Monday 30 November 2009 3:18

Wow! Go parents! Your dad must've had some hearty sperm!

Page88 | 0

#2209533 - Sunday 20 March 2011 5:08

NICE!

YouDaIdiot | 4

#2488274 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 10:12

Op was conceived where she was sitting .... thats why its an fml

Life_is_FML | 22

#4767146 - Friday 3 August 2012 8:05

Hey OP can't complain. My parents said I was conceived in London. At 3:00 in the morning. Thank you, mom. I could've lived a long happy life without knowing that.

By Stumblebum30 | 5

#694496 - Sunday 29 November 2009 13:27

why is this a FML ?

marc_with_a_c | 3

#694738 - Sunday 29 November 2009 16:51

I don't get it either.. seriously who cares? "my dad told me where i was conceived, i want to diiie".. sheesh some people come up with the lamest FML's

By startrekker | 3

#694503 - Sunday 29 November 2009 13:33

Meh, so?

By solocredere12 | 4

#694522 - Sunday 29 November 2009 13:56

How is this an FML?

By perdix | 29

#694559 - Sunday 29 November 2009 14:41

For some reason, I thought that "Dad" took that opportunity to point out to the OP had been sitting on the spot on the couch where he/she was conceived.

ImThePope | 2

#1837155 - Monday 13 December 2010 12:51

That's the only way I can see this being an FML, the father liked the Navy so when Hawaii won and the OP cheered, the OP's dad told the OP that his wife and him had sex where the OP was sitting.

By n8equalsd | 0

#694560 - Sunday 29 November 2009 14:41

uh, big deal?