Today, my dad and I got into a fight over who gets the last corner piece of the brownies. I ended up with a black eye and and a sprained wrist. He ended up with the brownie and ran away laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad threw a waffle at my face for his own amusement. FML
Today, my dad and mom and I were going out to eat dinner. My dad wanted a romantic dinner just with my mom so he told me to make an excuse not to go. I did, which ended up as a huge fight, grounded and phone taken away. My dad just stood there in the background putting thumbs up. FML
Today, I saw two kids having a fistfight in the street. I ran over to stop them, and one ended up hitting me in the eye. I now have a black eye over what turned out to have been a fight over who was going to get the last slice of pizza. FML
Today, I baked some brownies and after my mom ate one, I joked that I put weed in them. Turns out the placebo effect's a bitch, because she quickly started acting high as a kite. One bitch fit later, the brownies are in the trash and I'm grounded until I tell her where I bought the "weed". FML
Today, while bending over to get the brownies I was making out of the oven, my husband slapped my butt. I fell into the oven. FML
Today, my mom and dad got into a fight, during which my dad said to my mom that her health conditions were of her own doing. Because of that, I got pissed and had a fight with my dad, taking my mom's side. Turns out, my mom took his side and ratted me out. FML
Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML
Today, I made brownies for my co-workers. My boss called me into his office, and I though he was going to compliment me on the baking. Instead, he talked about how his 5-year-old daughter can make brownies better than me. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a fight after the gym. Then, a cheesecake I'd baked for a client cracked all the way through. Then, my oven broke as I was trying to make a new one, so I left to bake it at a friend's house, at which point I locked my keys and all of my supplies inside my car. FML
Today, I injured my knee and dislocated my shoulder fighting over a cookie with my brother. He's 14. I'm 26. He still got the cookie. FML
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Top comments
DanbotXIII 10
You must train harder to snatch pebble from palm, grasshopper.
Freeze_fml 17
Food chain in effect.
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Comments (161)
huh_what 4
that sounds like something my dad would do....
ifeelya 5
Ah, bonding.
klp18 0
That is effing funny
Mourningstar 4
Dont **** with dad and his brownies
Rach227 8
Am I the only one who thinks the Dad is being abusive? If I had a kid and found out the Dad gave them a black eye and sprained wrist and laughed about it I'd be calling the police
CurlyChica808 4
Get the brownie corner pan from Vat 19, it makes brownies so every piece is corner piece!:D And sorry about you black eye and your wrist OP:(
kei1108 13
If he physically abuses you, you should report it.
rubberduckie72 4
i say dad is not an anuser. it could happen at my house. really here is jow i picture it for allu telling op to call the cops. they are sitting in living room and somebidy walks by eating a brownie a and mentions only one corner piece left. op and dad get up runnining to kitchen. dad darts ahead and throws elbow back and catches op in eye when he ment to just catch op in other spot probably di not even put elbow back hard it does not tale much to black an eye. op really wanting brownie continues on undetered despite watering eeye he or she keeps running and because eye is watering misjudgez turn or somethimg or runs into dad or possilly a scuffle at brownie pan causes op to be thrown off balence and the way they lamd caused harm to wrist. stuff like this happens in famies all the time. good natured rough housing and some one gets hurt. i laughed so loud when i read this
ConradKay 13
Call. The. Police. Now.
alpacaman 5
Corner pieces suck