Love: Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 90

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 43

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 339

You deserved it 25

26/02/2009 02:23

Today, I went to have dessert with my boyfriend. We ordered some Jello. I said that I loved Jello because it is so fun and jiggly. My boyfriend said, "Like you. Except the fun part". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 767

You deserved it 5 893

This Charming Man

BO Central

It's called being a wage slave

03/11/2012 10:02

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 414

You deserved it 3 451

Don't hate the playa…

By Dannikins - 05/11/2020 01:01

Today, the guy I've been looking forward going on a date with had to cancel due to Covid. This wouldn't have been an issue, if I didn't see him later that night posting about him at a bar with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 82

Turn it off, make it stop!

By ricewine23 - 04/08/2021 04:01

Today, I bought a truck. It's a little beat up, but I got a pretty good deal because of it… Or so I thought. Turns out there's a Nickelback CD stuck in the player. And the radio is spotty. I can't help but think that had something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 660

You deserved it 177

07/06/2012 12:10

Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 690

You deserved it 36 209

24/08/2011 08:03

Today, my aunt and uncle stole $584 from me, since I'm moving out. Their reasoning? I stole things. When I asked what I'd stolen, my aunt looked me straight in the eye and said "Milk Duds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 335

You deserved it 3 282

24/01/2010 02:14

Today, I was pondering the meaning of life - why I'm here, why anyone is here, why go on, and whether it's worth it... Then it hit me. The football in the head, not the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 314

You deserved it 25 399

Double standards

By Anonymous - 21/02/2013 18:45

Today, my bus got held up in traffic, so I arrived home about 15 minutes late. My mum bitched me out, accused me of sleeping around, and grounded me. All this while my brother raged at his video game in the other room, screaming stuff such as "EAT SHIT, YOU CUNTS!" with total impunity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 587

You deserved it 2 660

27/10/2014 14:22

Today, I cut myself pretty badly with a knife. I was bleeding quite a lot, so I yelled to my husband to bring me some kitchen roll, along with the first aid kit. He rushed in with the roll… to clean the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 297

You deserved it 3 763

04/02/2017 18:00

Today, a woman was standing in front of me in line. There was a strand of hair on her back, so to be nice, I pulled it off her. It was still attached to her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 536

You deserved it 7 676

20/01/2017 16:00

Today, I got back home after traveling in internet-scarce areas. The first thing I did when I got a solid connection was withdraw from a study abroad program I couldn't afford. Later I found the email telling me that I had been offered an all-expenses-paid scholarship. Too bad I'm not going now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 959

You deserved it 1 936

08/04/2013 22:06

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 348

You deserved it 4 749

Pull your shit together, Bezos

By SadAndCold - 11/10/2020 07:01

Today, my Amazon delivery was delayed. I just moved to a new place and that delivery had my pillow and blanket. I can't go buy them in person since I'm self-isolating and the heating isn't working either. Guess I'm sleeping in the freezing cold on the bare mattress one more night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 235

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01

Spicy

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 216

18/07/2011 07:09

Today, in an amphitheater, someone hit the back of my head. As I turned around, the guy apologized and said he mistook me for his friend. I changed seats, and after a while, I got hit a second time. He was wrong again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 400

You deserved it 3 817

18/02/2009 22:26

Spicy

Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 834

You deserved it 58 481

09/11/2012 04:02

Today, my crazy bitch of a boss fired me for inappropriate conduct. Apparently my "fake Nazi accent" is "offensive to our Jewish coworkers." I'm German. I have no way to change the way I speak, or to pay this month's bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 950

You deserved it 2 000

29/11/2011 05:34

Today, at work, an overweight man riding an electric cart started peeing all around the store. I had to clean it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 925

You deserved it 2 335

Jesus saves!

By that’s just gross - 20/06/2021 13:01

Today, I’ve always tried to be understanding that my girlfriend grew up very poor and is therefore extremely frugal. However, I finally had to draw the line when she flipped out on me for throwing out her respooled used dental floss and buying another. It was 98 cents for a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 72

24/03/2009 12:43

Today, as a veteran blood donor, I made a friend who was donating for the first time- I told her not to be scared and that I've been doing it for six years and that it was a great way to help people. While at the snack area afterwards, I passed out, started convulsing and went into shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 081

You deserved it 7 447

18/09/2009 10:40

Today, I finally worked up the courage to ask a cute guy for his number. Once he had given me his, he asked for mine. My initial happiness was deflated when he said "Ok, now I can just block every message from you." And walked away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 406

You deserved it 4 498

11/01/2017 09:50

Today, I thought I died in the shower. I was very intensely playing air guitar while simultaneously headbanging. I punched myself in the dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 500

You deserved it 5 776

21/03/2009 02:39

Today, my town had a carnival to raise money for cancer. I ran a kissing booth, when a really cute guy came up paid his $20, looked at me, and said "not even for cancer." He took his money and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 478

You deserved it 8 347

Workers rise up!

By Anonymous - 29/07/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that, despite working 4 part-time jobs, that I will not qualify for maternity leave by my due date with the mandatory 600 hours. I can't get full-time work and I'm 8 months pregnant now. This'll be fun! FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 134

19/03/2012 07:36

Spicy

Today, my mum cleaned my room. When I got home she yelled at me for having condoms. I'm 24 years old and in a long term relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 610

You deserved it 12 755

29/02/2012 10:36

Spicy

Today, I caught myself yelling at the girl in the porn I was watching for looking at the camera every other second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 511

You deserved it 37 094

11/03/2010 22:23

Today, I became that small percent of people who face three different kinds of complications after their wisdom teeth are removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 982

You deserved it 2 168

18/05/2012 06:07

Today, I wanted to prank my roommate. So, I thought it would be funny to take all the toilet paper out of our bathroom. She thought it would be funny to wipe with my cashmere sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 249

You deserved it 53 135

18/09/2011 01:20

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 700

You deserved it 9 099

13/09/2016 06:38

Today, after evicting my roommate for excessively not abiding by the lease agreements, he thought he could get back at me by sending me a video of my sister giving him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 651

You deserved it 1 535

Baywatch

By Jenn - 16/12/2016 00:50

Today, in my lifeguarding course, I had to pull a 200-pound boy out of the pool in an exercise to practice using our legs when lifting. I, being only 90 pounds, tried pulling and ended up falling into the pool, landing with my lady parts on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 143

You deserved it 811

09/02/2010 19:10

Today, I texted my girlfriend that I'm going to 'lick my professor's ass' instead of 'kick' due to auto-correction on my phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 954

You deserved it 27 805

10/10/2009 12:07

Today, I saw a man lying on the street. He seemed unconscious, so, being a nurse I went over and found he had choked. I removed the object from his throat and used CPR to revive him. My reward? A mouthful of vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 577

You deserved it 5 181

25/07/2011 17:11

Spicy

Today, I got a completely random boner at a coffee shop, five seconds before two attractive women asked me to stand up and take their picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 438

You deserved it 5 756

04/09/2009 03:24

Today, after taking a shower, I noticed a weird noise and asked my husband about it. "I think it's in the walls," I told him. After careful inspection, he simply turned off the electric razor I had just used to shave my legs and gave me 'that' look. I had beaten him in an IQ test not 24 hours prior. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 993

You deserved it 44 020

13/02/2016 01:56

Today, I returned to work after taking two days off to find I'd been fired. Why? For not being at work on those two days. Everything was agreed in writing, all trace of which has mysteriously vanished. I can't work until HR sorts it out, and nobody can tell me how long that'll take. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 201

You deserved it 1 485

26/01/2011 00:54

Today, I spent all day preparing a big, elaborate Italian dinner for my boyfriend, who recently discovered he was part Italian. He came home, turned up his nose and said "I was in the mood for Chinese". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 803

You deserved it 4 124

03/04/2015 06:08

Today, I picked up a rock outside and put it in my pocket because it looked cool. A teacher holding the door open stopped me and sent me to the principal. I was confused and asked the teacher why the strict action. She replied that someone has been putting rocks in the toilet. I got a detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 824

You deserved it 2 989

06/12/2010 10:37

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by sending me a text. She was sitting right beside me on a 10 hour car trip, and there was still 6 more hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 267

You deserved it 3 154

20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 448

You deserved it 332

Time for an intervention

By Sierra Madre - 20/10/2019 04:00

Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 638

You deserved it 161

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LinkToEverything 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 9:22

the average jelllo has more brain cells then this moron...

itsfuntobesexy 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 12:40

I'd be pissed. Of course, any guy I'd ever date would know better than to comment on a girl's weight. That's just common sense.

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LinkToEverything 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 9:22

the average jelllo has more brain cells then this moron...

M3DO 24

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Tuesday 26 January 2016 19:38

Than* It obviously has more brain cells than you as well.

Emma Marshall_738558922 12

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Friday 28 December 2018 11:08

Awkward....

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Thursday 26 February 2009 12:12

Perhaps you should have been fun? Oh wait, or better yet, called up Jenny Craig with weight watchers? (My cousin is married to her son, and no we're not jews)

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Thursday 26 February 2009 12:35

Some of these are just too horrible to believe.

itsfuntobesexy 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 12:40

I'd be pissed. Of course, any guy I'd ever date would know better than to comment on a girl's weight. That's just common sense.

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Thursday 26 February 2009 13:56

Your boyfriend is an asshole.

FlavorfulUnicorn 4

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Thursday 26 February 2009 16:19

I'd be upset as well. Dudes need to think before they speak sometimes. Even if he was trying to crack a joke, it's in very poor taste.

ThatLoneIyGuy 8

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Thursday 24 December 2015 3:37

I agree but gals can also do that. "Do i look fat in this" is a prime example

PTERONOPHOBIA 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 16:42

It was okay until he had to go and add the "except without the fun." Then it's just kind of mean

marquez_jasmine 6

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Tuesday 25 September 2012 17:56

I think her boyfriend said she was like jello, only she was the fun part of it. Not the jiggly part

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Thursday 26 February 2009 17:22

I think that even if he was joking (which I'm sure he was) he still needs to watch what he says. We're girls and yeah, sometimes we do take a lot of little stuff to heart but watch, once you start saying stuff like that to guys, they'll be just as insecure...they just hide it better. What was your response to that?

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Thursday 26 February 2009 17:31

Wow forget that guy.... I hope u broke up with him... If he will say stuff like that 2 ur face u kno he is sayin stuff behind ur back... It probably will b sooooo much worse then what he said 2 ur face.... Guys r soo mean...

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Thursday 26 February 2009 18:20

This is why he ordered the Jell-O and not the chocolate cake... :(