Love: Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates.... - FML

18/12/2013 21:20 - United States - Spencer

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 572

You deserved it 3 938

Walk the line

Vulture

Missing the point

10/01/2010 21:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She came over to see me one last time. We hugged for minutes and cried; it was a touching moment. Just after she left, I realized my wallet that I had on the table beside us was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 536

You deserved it 4 838

05/05/2016 17:51 - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 544

You deserved it 976

28/09/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, I learned that the gap between the elevator and the 6th floor landing of my apartment building is approximately one key's width wide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 108

You deserved it 3 641

23/10/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 018

You deserved it 6 053

02/11/2015 19:05 - United States - Rogers

Today, I asked a guy out. He told me no. Well, his exact words were "I would never go out with a whale, sorry." Then he went on to make whale noises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 930

You deserved it 4 182

05/03/2010 03:51 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to listen to a girl who just came back from the bathroom, talk about the "gigantic massive dump" she took, and even held her hands up to show the size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 154

You deserved it 3 712

21/12/2008 12:14 - France

Today, I'm 65 years old, and I've been given a bottle of wine produced in the year I was born. The wine tastes foul; not a good omen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 347

You deserved it 2 927

14/12/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my parents held an intervention for me. Apparently they think I'm turning into a goth. All because they saw me re-lacing my shoes with black shoelaces instead of white ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 971

You deserved it 3 055

27/06/2015 18:37 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 343

You deserved it 3 947

22/03/2013 19:15 - Italy - Catanzaro

Today, while shaving my nether regions, I slipped and sliced myself in three separate places. They won't completely stop bleeding. I'm virtually having a second period, and it hurts to close my legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 727

You deserved it 7 668

27/05/2009 07:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I was on webcam with someone and the conversation died so I said "brb". I sat there for five minutes not realising I had left my webcam on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 916

You deserved it 79 808

03/11/2010 05:00 - France

Today, in art class, everybody was showing the paintings that we have been working on for weeks. Everyone was cheering and clapping. When mine came up, nobody clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 929

You deserved it 4 690

18/12/2013 09:56 - United States - Paso Robles

Today, I had to pee during a supervised lockdown. I asked my teacher to take me since we couldn't be in the halls alone. Since class was going, she couldn't take me. Much to my dismay, she sent a school-wide email asking for someone to take me to pee. Six teachers took me, including my principal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 419

You deserved it 5 230

09/03/2017 20:00 - United States - Roanoke

Today, I woke up to a strange wetness covering my body. My drunk roommate's urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 508

You deserved it 419

02/07/2013 06:47 - United States - Oregon City

Spicy

Today, I got angry after not being able to have an orgasm. What was I angry at? My own hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 280

You deserved it 22 759

30/03/2013 15:29 - United States

Today, I went on a blind date that my friend set up for me. It was going pretty good, then he said he was going to go out to smoke. 10 minutes went by and he still hadn't come back. I called my friend and she said he doesn't smoke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 896

You deserved it 4 120

31/08/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 1 454

22/11/2018 13:30

Today, my husband left our untrained puppy out of its kennel when he left for work. I got home and all of the baby books my parents just bought for us that were on the coffee table in a backpack were completely destroyed, along with the bag and parts of our wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 553

You deserved it 366

24/02/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, while at a work meeting, I finally summoned up the courage to share and express my opinions about unprofessionalism in the office. After the meeting, I went to clean up, only to notice in the bathroom mirror that I'd had a booger pasted across my forehead throughout the meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 102

You deserved it 23 915

06/10/2011 10:46 - United States

Today, I forgot what I was doing while listening to a voicemail and started talking back to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 475

You deserved it 11 288

22/07/2012 06:54 - United States - Torrance

Today, my sister and I had a huge fight because I flushed the toilet while she was taking a bath. The faucet for the bath was not running, but she insisted that she felt the water in the tub turn "scalding hot." She won't listen when I try to explain to her that it doesn't work like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 040

You deserved it 2 125

03/06/2019 12:07

Today, while working as a waitress, an attractive woman sat at one of my tables. When she paid, I decided to be bold and write my number and "Call me" on her receipt. She put in a complaint to my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 3 403

Movie worthy

By Pirated booty - 11/05/2021 04:01

Today, after I found gold coins a few years ago, nothing newsworthy but enough to pay off my parents' mortgage, some landowning douche, who is already a millionaire, is now claiming the lake where I found the coins is his, and is suing me for the coins' full value. If I lose in court, my parents may have to sell their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 149

You deserved it 88

27/10/2010 16:17 - United States

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 309

You deserved it 6 341

Believe in the Q

By Q Hub - 14/10/2021 14:00

Today, I found out my 36 year-old wife has been cyberstalking an 18 year old-girl for a week. Why? Because the girl doesn’t believe in QAnon. I found out when my wife’s online business started getting backlash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 717

You deserved it 75

21/01/2010 05:30 - United States

Today, I was drinking from a water fountain. I bent over to sip the water and felt a HUGE slap on my ass. Completely confused, I turn around to see some guy with a horrified look on his face. Apparently he thought I was his girlfriend. And then I saw his girlfriend standing behind him. Giving me the evil eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 560

You deserved it 2 816

Increase school funding, please?

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 20:00

Today, my teacher began to explain Veterans' Day and why it's on 11/11 to a new student from Iran. He said he already knew, but this was news to almost everyone else in the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 281

You deserved it 182

06/05/2012 02:21 - Canada - Woodbridge

Today, on the bus, I caught the eye of this ugly, sweaty girl giving me a death stare through the driver's mirror. I gave her a death stare back. Only then I realized I was staring at myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 495

You deserved it 37 332

30/08/2012 01:33 - United States - Richmond

Today, I purposely misspelled words while texting my boyfriend so he would think I was out partying and having a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 182

You deserved it 29 928

08/07/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, after not receiving my paycheck for over a month, I confronted my boss about it. His response? "You still work here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 666

You deserved it 3 867

15/07/2009 04:00 - New Zealand

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 993

You deserved it 6 705

Bye bye love

By sad sister - 27/07/2020 14:00

Today, after my younger sister always made a habit of using everything of mine, from clothes to shoes to jewelry, the list now includes my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 98

13/06/2014 22:53 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my 8-year-old son microwaved his pet hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 549

You deserved it 9 897

Childlike

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 23:01 - Slovenia - Ljubljana

Today, during an argument between me and my boyfriend, he called for his mom. She came up and told us both off and told us to stop screaming, as if we were kids. We are both well over 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 1 048

20/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Spicy

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 393

You deserved it 31 134

Compromises

By DepressionBetty - 11/10/2021 08:00

Today, I realized I agreed to go to the gym with my fiancé after being on my feet at work all day because he wants to get fit, but he will not help me remodel the house I’m working on so we can have a bigger place to live, because he doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want or need to go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 190

04/02/2016 22:55 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my psycho-obsessed ex-girlfriend blabbed all about how she got a check in the mail for $1000 from CrimeStoppers on Facebook and Twitter. This explains how my current girlfriend and two of my friends all got arrested last week for having weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 998

You deserved it 4 972

12/08/2018 23:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not meeting my sales goals and is sending me to a two week training program. I don’t work in sales. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 057

You deserved it 149

02/01/2015 22:14 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got shitfaced at a club. A cute girl I'd met earlier in the evening offered to drive me home in my car and spend the night with me. She crashed my car and did a runner before the cops showed up. They wouldn't believe my story. I now have a wrecked car and a DUI. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 025

You deserved it 10 209

07/07/2016 11:34

Today, I would like to say I pinched a nerve throwing punches, but no, I did it by sneezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 030

You deserved it 1 516

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Top comments

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Thursday 19 December 2013 7:53

Well, find out and date him?

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

Did he ask you to take a picture with him to show to his friends?

Comments

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Thursday 19 December 2013 7:53

Well, find out and date him?

naxeeb 33

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:48

He's the Romance Ninja!! You don't find him, he finds you!

cyanidesandwich 21

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Thursday 19 December 2013 15:12

Did he smell the seat you sat on in the gym earlier?

woosah 16

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Monday 7 April 2014 6:27

Or stay very far away.

deathstroke990 22

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Thursday 19 December 2013 7:55

Sounds like a keeper!

CobraLazerFace 21

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Thursday 19 December 2013 15:00

Or perhaps... creeper?

\ 28

Friday 20 December 2013 1:39

I find it interesting how 60 years ago, this would've been considered delightfully romantic...

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

Did he ask you to take a picture with him to show to his friends?

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Thursday 19 December 2013 10:22

lol i was just about to ask the same thing.

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Thursday 19 December 2013 16:11

^Cool, we really dont care unfortunately :(. OP: Atleast you know he'll never leave you.... Always watching...

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Thursday 19 December 2013 18:03

No need, he's already in every picture she'd ever taken that past year ;)

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

lololol, that's awesome. he sounds like a keeper, maybe for you!

deathstroke990 22

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Friday 20 December 2013 3:26

copy cat

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Friday 20 December 2013 6:48

#69, sometimes people post at the same time. Remember, there is a time delay between the time you post a comment and the time it's actually published :-)

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Friday 20 December 2013 14:21

#76 no, he definitely indeed copied. There was a 7 minute time span

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

Run, mate. Run far, far away.

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:09

That's...sweet? But more creepy.

Randomness90 27

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:17

Just a wee bit creepy. I'd say take your chances with the stalker or RUN as far as you can

oj101 33

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:28

This reminds me of Timmy throwing an extravaganza to ask Trixie out on a date on Fairly Odd Parents. OP, if I were you, I'd stay well away from that guy.

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Thursday 19 December 2013 14:22

I remember that episode.

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Thursday 19 December 2013 14:41

Unless he has fairies. Fairies trump everything.

awkwardloveannie 28

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:44

did you keep the flowers and chocolates?

christian2234 15

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Thursday 19 December 2013 8:45

That sounds like something I would do. ... To my girlfriend of course! If only I could get one tho !

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Thursday 19 December 2013 23:07

Would you like a glass of water with that downvote?

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Friday 20 December 2013 2:17

Yes please, with a lemon wedge.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 238

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 590

You deserved it 69