Love: Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates....

By romance sucks. - United States - Spencer

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

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Love

Out of it

Walk on the wild side

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous

Today, I saw my boss, so I mentioned to him, "Oh, I quit." He then interrupted, saying, "Great, I was going to fire you this week anyway." I wanted to tell him I quit smoking. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, the guy I'd been talking to online and liked came to my house party with a bunch of mutual friends. He spent the night sitting in the corner on the sofa talking to my cat. I woke up later to see that not only had he crashed for the night, but he'd curled up in the dog basket. FML

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By needmorelocks - United States - Santa Paula

What?!

Today, my mom called to chew me out for having my sister arrested. My sister broke into my apartment, rearranged my living room, and claimed she now lived with me. She then threatened me with a butcher's knife for not appreciating what she had done. My mom wants me to pay the bail. FML

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By ineedalife - Australia

Today, I got so lonely I decided to make sock puppets and play with them. I played for four hours straight, only to be interrupted by a phone call. I didn't answer because my sock puppets were "on a date" and I didn't want to stop playing. FML

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By S. Michaels - United States

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

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By iharethissomuxh - Canada

Today, I played a volleyball game at my school. Not only did I miss the winning point, the ball hit my face in the process, which resulted in popping a big fat zit on my nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bromsgrove

Today, I spent hours putting together a beautifully intricate jigsaw to give to my grandmother, who likes to frame them and hang them on her wall. Just as I was about to finish it, I discovered my dog chewing the last piece. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Diego

Today, I came home to find out my roommate sold my PS4, because, "You don't use it anymore." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Franklin

Today, I found out I owe the IRS over $2,000 because of a mistake they made. Their "apology" basically amounted to "Oops, our bad. Now pay up or you're gonna be Bubba's new bitch." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Needles

Today, I was meeting my boyfriend's mom. She was driving us to a theme park that was about 2 hours away. She asked for the address to put into the GPS, so I gave it to her. It turned out to be a farm, an hour away from the park. So much for good first impressions. FML

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By subtweetqueen - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, the 3-year-old I nanny wanted to prove to me that he was tall enough to pee standing up in front of the toilet. When he realized he actually was tall enough, he got excited and misdirected his stream, covering himself, his brother, and me in urine. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Duns

Today, I spent half-an-hour trapped inside my dog's crate. The door locked behind me as I squeezed myself inside to stroke her. After bellowing at my family in the garden for what felt like an eternity, they came through just to laugh and take pictures. FML

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By Somethingtoworryabout

Today, I couldn't help but laugh at my girlfriend because she always becomes paranoid when she's around cars. I found her reaction cute and told her that "there's nothing to worry about". A car ran over me two hours later. I'm in a hospital now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

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By danthecomplicate - United States

Today, my girlfriend changed her relationship status on Facebook to 'It's Complicated' because I didn't give her my last cookie. This happens all the time. FML

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By riddick0846 - United States

Today, I accidentally ran over a squirrel on the road. I was late for work so I didn't stop. Later, someone keyed the word PETA into the side of my car. FML

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By Ella - Australia

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

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By Jesusman

Today as I helped my boss set up catering at our café, she was stressing about having enough time for everything when the DJ chimed in with "Why don't you ask him to help?" It got awkwardly quiet as they looked at me and he realized I was a girl. Then he tried saying "by him, I mean Jesus". FML

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By WeightonmyShoulders - United States - Canandaigua

Today, I realized that I know, all too well, what it feels like to have my over-middle-age boss's boob on my shoulder. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after volunteering all day at the homeless shelter, I was mugged on my way to my car. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML

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By weddingcrashed - United States

Today, it is my wedding day. I couldn't find my very expensive wedding dress anywhere. After almost 2 hours of panic and chaos, I found it in my pool, covered in red paint, with a note on one of my lounge chairs reading, "Today is MY wedding day, bitch." FML

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By mster233 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By brokeandhungry - United States

Today, I saw a little girl digging in the gravel inside the fireworks tent I work in. After she and her family left, I went and used my foot to smooth out the mound she'd made. In doing so, I discovered that she wasn't digging, she was burying. She'd pooped. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is getting back together with his crazy alcoholic ex-wife who frequently cheated on him. In addition to this news, I also found out that he maxed out all my credit cards. FML

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By steven - Canada

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/5/2020 02:00

Contradictions everywhere

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

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By Amanda

Today, my house was broken into. Apparently, I have nothing good enough in my house to steal, so they took my cake. FML

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By Enyo - Reserved

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

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By ineedaraise - Canada - London

Today, after nearly two months of working at my new job, one of my co-workers finally explained to me that the list of tasks that our boss gives me every day are actually HER duties, and as I complete them, she just sits in her office and watches Netflix. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/9/2020 05:02 - United Kingdom - Swindon

Can you hear me, Dave?

Today, my dad started Skype-ing with his long-distance friend. They’re both almost 90, barely have their hearing, and can't stop shouting. FML

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By Fatality - Canada

Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML

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By lovewedge - United States

Today, I was so drunk that my friends put me to bed during a party. Later I find out that while I was passed out two of my friends came in and had sex while I was in the same bed. They tried to use me as a prop. Now my friends call me the love wedge. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

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By Mal - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was finally having sex with the man of my dreams, and then he fell asleep on top of me. FML

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By Sweet Jesus - 18/6/2020 14:02

NCIS: Dumbass Response Team

Today, when my almost-16-year-old asked if the 9-1-1 phone number was named after 9/11, I forgave her because she wasn't even born when it happened, but when my 18-year-old asked if jelly comes from jellyfish, I wondered if I've failed as a parent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rapid City

Today, I drove for hours to attend a martial arts tournament, and then I waited ages for it to finally start. I lost in less than a minute. FML

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By Billz

Today, I was moving into my new apartment. I moved in a couple of bags and realized I really needed to poop. It’s been 10 minutes since I realized I hadn’t brought the toilet paper in yet. No one to bring me any. FML

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Top comments

By imaxmain | 24

#5797668 - Thursday 19 December 2013 7:53

Well, find out and date him?

By da_poiler | 3

#5797671 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

Did he ask you to take a picture with him to show to his friends?

COMMENTS

By imaxmain | 24

#5797668 - Thursday 19 December 2013 7:53

Well, find out and date him?

naxeeb | 33

#5797693 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:48

He's the Romance Ninja!!
You don't find him, he finds you!

cyanidesandwich | 21

#5797884 - Thursday 19 December 2013 15:12

Did he smell the seat you sat on in the gym earlier?

woosah | 16

#5907296 - Monday 7 April 2014 6:27

Or stay very far away.

By deathstroke990 | 22

#5797669 - Thursday 19 December 2013 7:55

Sounds like a keeper!

CobraLazerFace | 21

#5797875 - Thursday 19 December 2013 15:00

Or perhaps... creeper?

\ | 28

#5798346 - Friday 20 December 2013 1:39

I find it interesting how 60 years ago, this would've been considered delightfully romantic...

By da_poiler | 3

#5797671 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

Did he ask you to take a picture with him to show to his friends?

tinycroc | 10

#5797733 - Thursday 19 December 2013 10:22

lol i was just about to ask the same thing.

thatisaWIN | 5

#5797939 - Thursday 19 December 2013 16:11

^Cool, we really dont care unfortunately :(.
OP: Atleast you know he'll never leave you.... Always watching...

RpiesSPIES | 27

#5798018 - Thursday 19 December 2013 18:03

No need, he's already in every picture she'd ever taken that past year ;)

By imdabess | 9

#5797672 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

lololol, that's awesome. he sounds like a keeper, maybe for you!

deathstroke990 | 22

#5798448 - Friday 20 December 2013 3:26

copy cat

cmath_fml | 19

#5798687 - Friday 20 December 2013 6:48

#69, sometimes people post at the same time. Remember, there is a time delay between the time you post a comment and the time it's actually published :-)

lwonderful | 11

#5798968 - Friday 20 December 2013 14:21

#76 no, he definitely indeed copied. There was a 7 minute time span

By maplecandy | 7

#5797673 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:02

Run, mate. Run far, far away.

By NessaMae | 19

#5797674 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:09

That's...sweet? But more creepy.

By Randomness90 | 27

#5797675 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:17

Just a wee bit creepy. I'd say take your chances with the stalker or RUN as far as you can

By oj101 | 33

#5797677 - Thursday 19 December 2013 8:28

This reminds me of Timmy throwing an extravaganza to ask Trixie out on a date on Fairly Odd Parents. OP, if I were you, I'd stay well away from that guy.